Split

Leaving

I was stood around later that day, debating whether or not to get something to eat, when I suddenly felt hands around my waist. They crept round to my stomach, hugging me from behind, and I felt a head rest on my shoulders. I knew it was Dennis straight away and smiled as I rested my cheek on his, "for a second I thought I was going to lose you," I admitted and he let out a thoughtful sigh.

"Yeah, I heard what happened. Patricia won't talk to any of us. Are you okay?"

"Of course... do you think she will be okay?"

"She'll have to be I guess."

"Hmm..." I drifted into silence and he kissed my neck.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, lips still resting against my skin.

"I feel sorry for her."

"Me too."

"Do you think Barry will change his mind?"

"I don't know, but you need to remember that she's dangerous."

"Everyone said that you were dangerous..."
He didn't reply to that-I'd obviously hit a nerve, "I didn't mean it like that, I just mean that they're getting on better with you now. Patricia might be forgiven."

"Even if they do forgive her, she's too proud to speak to anyone. I don't think she's coming out of this one."

"It's sad... I mean, I know this was all her doing but... I feel so bad for her. When she was talking to me I could see how upset she was... I haven't seen her like that before. Is there something wrong with me? I mean I'm kidnapped by a guy that now I have romantic attachments to, I'm kept here against my will, my friends are killed along with other girls that I couldn't rescue in time, and now I'm feeling sorry for the woman who made it all happen. No offence..."

He spun me round so I was facing him and kissed my forehead, "there's nothing wrong with you. You just have a good heart... maybe you're a little messed up but that's a good thing... if you weren't, you probably wouldn't be here right now."

I shrugged, "maybe that's for the best. Maybe it'd be better if I was killed too."

"Don't say that," He frowned at me, "I don't ever want to hear you say that again. You're the reason that more people aren't hurt, if it wasn't for you then I'd still be helping her... Hedwig too. You saved others from this... you saved me..."

I hugged him and he held me close, "I think I'm going to leave soon."

"What?" He stared at me, unable to hide his shock.

"I'm going to tell people that I ran away... I told Barry that I'd tell everyone that someone else had taken Claire and Marcia... I could tell them that I left before they got in the car... I could stop the police looking for me, tell them about my uncle and then I could still see you."

"Casey, you can't do that... you shouldn't be covering for us, and what happens when your uncle gets arrested? Where do you go then?"

"I don't know," I admitted, "but I could still try and see you. It's easier than explaining what I'm doing in here if anyone ever found me."

"I thought you wanted to stay? I thought you wanted to stay with me?"

"I do, but this way we can be together in the world, not just cramped in this place... after listening to Patricia, I realised that I need to have the option to leave... I don't want to be hidden away from everything like she is. The look on her face... it made me think of being in the dark alone like her."

"But you wouldn't be alone..." He tried to argue, not sounding convincing.

"But I don't have the choice if everyone thinks I'm dead..."

"I really don't like this idea... there's too much that could go wrong... if you got put in a home and they moved you to the other side of the country, what then?"

"I will find a way to see you."

He took a step back and rubbed the back of his neck, looking reluctant to talk, "I don't know... I don't think it's going to work..."

"Just trust me, I'll make it work."

"No."

"No?"

"No, I won't let you do it."

"Won't let me? I'm not asking your permission."

"I can't see you leave because I don't know if you'll come back... and what if you slip up? What if you say something about us? You'll get in trouble... This is a bad idea..."

"I can handle it."

"I'm not so sure..."

"So you're going to keep me locked in here forever then?" I snapped, "is that your plan?"

He sighed, his face still full of doubt, "of course not... I don't want that for you..."

"Well then what do you suggest we do?"

"I don't know" He said flatly, giving up trying to argue with me.

"I'm sorry but i don't have another choice."

"I thought you were happy here..."

"I am... but I don't want to live in this building forever."

He looked frustrated, and I didn't blame him. I was too... in a perfect world I would just ask to be housed with him if I ended up going into foster care, but I knew they'd never let me live with someone with such a complex mental illness, and Dennis knew that too. I just had to hope that I wouldn't be too far away to visit... or maybe...
"I could just not tell them about my uncle..." I said without tone to my voice, the thought making me numb.

"What?" He almost shouted, "Don't tell me you've just suggested that you go back home to him?"

"If I get to see you then-"

"No, that's not an option, end of story."

"Then what do you want from me?" I pleaded, my eyes starting to prickle with tears.

"Oh," He stepped closer again, holding my cheeks between his hands when he saw that I was getting upset, "I don't know... I'm sorry, I'm being selfish... don't listen to me. You have to go... even if I don't want you to."

"Will you forget about me?"

"That's a stupid question... are you kidding? Do you think I could ever forget about you? After everything?"
I shrugged and he pulled me into a hug, "I couldn't forget about you... I wouldn't want to."

"I'll be old enough to move out next year, it won't be for long then I can come back."

"Would you want to?"

"Now you're asking me the stupid questions..." I buried my head into his chest, trying not to get upset.

"I'll wait for you as long as it takes... you know that, right?"
I didn't reply, worried that my voice would crack if I did.
He sighed heavily and hugged me tighter, "I don't know what I'll do without you."

I pulled myself away so that I could look him in the eye, "I'll go in a few days... I want to spend that time with you... if that's okay."

"It's not me you gotta convince."

"I'll speak to him when you go. I'm not taking no for an answer."

"That's my girl," He smirked but his eyes remained cold.

I knew he was upset about it, I didn't exactly want to go either, but I'd been thinking about it and it was the best option. And who knows, maybe some day we could all live together... what a weird, disjointed life I would be living then... it sounded exciting.