Split

Celebrate

Barry went to the meeting the next day and it had gone well. He was worried about telling them about his 'issues' but they didn't seem bothered. In fact, they seemed quite interested, maybe feeling that it was an opportunity to stand out or something along those lines. They'd called him back the day after and offered him a part time job to begin with, just to see how it went, and Barry was ecstatic.
On Friday he dragged me out to celebrate and I put on jeans and a top, not really in the mood to dress up.
Dennis hadn't spoken to me since I'd told him about Kevin-Barry assured me that he was okay, but that didn't stop me worrying. Kevin had briefly spoken to me a few days ago but his mind was elsewhere, and I had to leave for college before I could really chat with him.

So I was now being pulled through town from pub to pub while Barry drank himself silly. I drank about the same amount as him but I seemed to be more sober, though that could have been his excitement adding to his jittery mood... well, that, and that he was more of a lightweight than I was...
"Smile, it's not gonna kill you!" He grinned at me when we sat down with our drinks, "have some fun, don't think about the guys tonight!"

"I'm trying but it's difficult."

"Fuck 'em! If they want to sulk then let them sulk, they'll get over it. Just forget about them tonight and celebrate, that's what we're here for!" He threw an arm around me, "if it wasn't for you I wouldn't be out here tonight, and I wouldn't be so happy. You, Casey, have saved me. Be proud and celebrate!"
I found the motivation to lift one corner of my mouth in a weak attempt to smile and he squeezed his arm tighter around me, "it'll work out okay, just stop over thinking it!"

That was easy for him to say.
I lifted my drink and threw it back, wanting to be able to just forget for a while.

Barry and I had stayed out for a few more hours until I was too drained to continue. Barry had been the one to suggest that we go home, insisting that he didn't mind, and we got a burger on the way back. That sobered me up even more, and I was completely fed up as we walked back into the house.
"I'm going to bed," I sighed.

"Okay, I'll be in soon," Barry grinned at me, still sprawled on the sofa where he'd fallen.

I went to the bedroom and lay down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling blankly.
Barry stepped through the door less than five minutes later and I turned to face him.
When I saw Dennis staring back at me, I sat up quickly, "hello."
He didn't move from the spot and continued to stare at me, "are you okay?"

"Was he better than me?" His head dropped to look at the floor, "I didn't mean to ask that... I..." he looked back up to me, "I'm sorry."
The alcohol in his system was clearly having some kind of effect, but he could clearly tolerate it a lot better than Barry could.

"Can we talk?"
He nodded but remained in the doorway, "I miss you so much. I would take it back if I could. And to answer your question, no he wasn't, and even if he was, I don't want anyone else but you. If you're scared that I've seen something better in him, then you have nothing to worry about it. And I don't want you to be angry with Kevin, he only did it because he wanted you back too. And I will never do anything like that again, I would never have considered it if... you know..."

"I want to be okay with it but..."

"I know, I'm not expecting you to be fine with it. I just want you to give me a chance."

"I want to give you a chance. I don't want to lose you, I really don't, I just don't know how to forget about it... Barry has spoken to me about it and I understand... I do, but it's just... sitting there at the back of my mind."

"I don't blame you, I'd be upset if it was the other way round. I just want you to believe me when I say how much I regret it."

"I do believe you, Casey."

I stood up and walked over to him but he didn't make eye contact with me, "the only thing that got me through it was the fact that you share a body... I couldn't have brought myself to even touch him if it wasn't for that."

"Was it... strange? Having the same body but it's someone else...?"

"I hated it because as much as I tried to pretend it was you... I couldn't feel you there. It was horrible, I missed you and... I felt like I was forgetting what your touch was like... how you made me feel... it felt wrong..."

"Well I guess I'll just have to make sure you never forget..." he finally looked up at me and I stared into his eyes apologetically. To my surprise, he leaned forward and kissed me.

He pulled away and I looked up at him hopefully, "does that mean you're not mad at me anymore?"

"I'm still mad..." he cocked his head, "but I think I can put up with it because I understand why you did it."

"I'm sorry," I hugged him and he put his arms around my waist.

"I know you are."

"Can we just go to bed and try and forget about all this? I've waited so long to have you back and I just want to be with you."

He nodded and we both went to bed, holding each other tightly as we drifted off.