Split

Weak

I visited Kevin every day for the next three days that he was kept in hospital, bringing him magazines and things to keep him busy. He was always grateful, however I noticed that they'd be in the same spot every time I visited so I doubted that he was even looking at them. He put on a good fake smile but I could tell that he was miserable, whether that was due to being in the hospital or because of the possible loss of his identities, I didn't know.
I asked him every visit if there was any sign of them and each time I'd get a dull 'no'.

On the fourth day I went to see him, one of the nurses told me that he was sent home and I was left to wait around for a taxi to come and pick me up again. I gave him Barry's address in the hopes that he'd returned to the home that I assume was once his.

I paid and thanked the taxi driver before stepping out onto the pavement outside his house. I gazed at the door in front of me, not even beginning to know what I was going to say.
I walked slowly up to the door and knocked gently, and Kevin answered shortly after. A look crossed his face, as though I was another thing to worry about, and he scratched his arm nervously, "hey, I'm sorry I didn't tell you they let me out... I guess I've had a lot on my mind."

"Can I come in?" I asked, not able to think of a response to a sentence that made me feel so unimportant.

"Uh, yeah, sure," He stepped aside and gestured for me to enter.

"How are you feeling?" I sat down on the sofa and he stood uncomfortably next to me.

"They're still not back, if that's what you mean."

"I was actually just asking how you were feeling..." It seemed like he was blocking me out already and I tucked my hair behind my ears, "look, I know we don't know each other well, but I am interested in your wellbeing... I'm worried about you just as much as I'm worried about the others."

He let out a chuckle which seemed a little panicked, "yeah, right."

"What do you mean?"

"You like my alters, not me. They have personality, they can make friends, they can do everything I can't, have everything I can't... including people to care for them..."

"I care about you?"

"You've only just met me."

"It doesn't feel that way, they talk about you all the time. I know so much about you and I'm looking out for you just like the rest of them."

He looked like he was welling up and turned away, "did you want a drink? I'm having a coffee, did you want one? Or water?" He walked towards the kitchen and I stood up, following him out of the room.

"Kevin?"

"Yeah?" He went about grabbing a mug out of the cabinet and set it on the worktop, not looking round at me.

"I know you're upset, I am too... but will you talk to me?"
He stood with his back to me, both hands on the counter and head drooping.
"Kevin...?"

"You're upset? You don't understand what that means..."

"What?" I didn't want to step any closer in case he was about to shout at me.

"I don't remember a time when I didn't have them... they are part of me and they're gone. What am I supposed to do now?"

"They might come back," I said partly to reassure myself as well.

"It's been four days."
I stayed quiet, afraid that I might burst into tears at any moment.
"They live my life, not me. I don't know how to be without them... what do I do? I can't cope on my own, that's why they were here in the first place... I..." He hunched over even more and I could see the silent tears shaking his body.

"Kevin," I stepped up next to him and put my hand on his shoulder, which seemed to cause him to crumble to the floor. His hands remained holding onto the sides of the worktop but he let himself kneel, trying to hide his face from me.
"They might come back," I lowered myself to his level but he didn't turn his head. They were right about one thing; Kevin was weak... he didn't even know how to live on his own... he didn't want to...
That scared me to death.
I put my hand on his shoulder once more and his fingers slid from the marble surface to cover his face. He let himself sit down heavily on the floor and cried.