Roller Coaster

RC --- Chapter FIFTEEN

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never the same. - Anonymous

November 21, Friday

08:50 AM

Eastside Cove

Xas’ House

I took my time checking the contents of my bag as I carefully descended the short spiral staircase. I had to make sure I got the right books and notes. Bearing in mind how disastrous I was last night and how little sleep I got, I could very well be disoriented this morning.

“Pasensya na Lexy, late ako nagising.” I didn’t see her yet but I was pretty sure she was around somewhere as I already told her I needed a ride to school. Wala pa rin kasi yung sasakyan ko.

I heard a sound coming from the kitchen so I went there straight, passing by the living room, my shades-covered eyes still fixed on the leather cloth my hands were meticulously exploring.

“Oh you’re up!” Lexy was dressed too, two cups on her hand, passing me by as she went straight to the living room.

I stayed behind to check a few things on the refrigerator and followed her after. Nagulat na lang ako nang nakita kong may kausap syang lalaki.

“Ang aga mo atang dumalaw?” Tanong ko kay Miguel, nakapameywang ako’t nasa harapan ng pintuan.

“At ang aga mo ring magtaray.” Natatawang ganti sa akin ni Lexy. Tumayo ito hawak ang kanyang baso at bumalik sa kusina. “Pasalamat ka binibigyan ka ng oras ni Miguel.” She yelled from there.

“Yeah right.” I mumbled. Tumingin ako sa binata, nakatingin din siya sa akin, nakangiti sabay taas ng mug nya. He was wearing a suit, probably on his way to his office. Lumapit ako dito.

“Five minutes to finish the coffee.” I commanded as I took the chair opposite him, crossing my legs. I knew it was I he wanted to visit, to check if I were okay after last night’s conversation.

Napatawa ito. “Yes ma’am!”

“That’s our second coffee today.” Lexy emerged from the kitchen and comfortably took the space beside me. “And what’s with the shades?”

“Walang pakialaman.” I responded, consciously fixing the eye wear protecting my super-duper bulging eyes, perturbed that one of them might notice. It took me a great deal trying to obscure the swelling but with no avail hence this last resort. “Si Xas nga pala?” Of course I turned to what I was good at, diversion.

“Kanina pa umalis, resume daw sila ng shooting.”

Napatango na lang ako sa sagot ni Lexy. I looked at my watch, 9:10. I looked at Miguel, paubos na rin ang kape nya. I stood. “Mauna na kami sayo Lexy.” At nauna na akong naglakad patungong pintuan.

“Ah sige, ingat sa school.”

Tumayo na rin si Miguel. “I had a great time Lexy. Till next visit.”

“Sure Miguel, anytime. You’re very much welcome here.” Hinatid pa nya kami papuntang kotse ni Miguel. Sumakay na ako matapos makapagpaalam ulit, napasimangot ako nung narinig ko nanaman ang pangalan ni Jacques.

“Thank you for volunteering to be my chauffeur today.” We were on the road and I focused my gaze outside the car.

“You’re welcome. It’s the least thing I could do for the favor you did yesterday.” I wasn’t looking at him but his voice was light and sincere, I knew he meant it.

“Anong oras ka pala dumating sa bahay kanina?” Lead the conversation was what my mind was mandating me. I couldn’t allow him to ask anything about last night. I saw it in his eyes, he was troubled.

“Around 7:30 I guess.”

“Ha? Ang aga naman. You should have called me beforehand or have let Lexy wake me up.” I suddenly felt ashamed that he had to wait that long.

“No it was okay. Your friends were pretty entertaining, I wasn’t bored at all, besides, I told them you might have felt tired last night.” This was the topic I didn’t want us talking about.

“Thank you.” Was all I could say. “Anyway Miguel, have you already told Xas that you like her?” Change topic.

His soft reply came too fast I was caught off-guard. “Ikaw lang ang nagsasabi na gusto ko siya eh in the first place, I don’t.”

Bigla akong napatingin dito. There goes the confirmation, why wasn’t I shocked? Oh yeah! Lexy briefed me about it already. She was right, I only assumed.

“Eh why’d you ask her number?” Stupid question I realized too late. Wala nga naman siyang hinihinging number. His expression gave me the straightforward answer. “Fine, fine, it was I who volunteered to give her number just because your words insinuated that you like her.”

I saw him roll his eyes and shake his head in disagreement. “I was simply appreciating her, nothing more to that. Next time, don’t be too jumpy, ayt?”

Psychology ba talaga ang course ko? Bakit lately puro semplang ang mga observations ko? I needed to start anew. Something is not right. I heaved a sigh. “Okay” I managed to say, he was right, I jump to conclusions too fast. “Work later?” We were nearing the university’s main entrance. 9:20, ten minutes to reach the room.

“Yes!” He stopped the car in front of the gate. I was about to get out of the car when he held my forearm. I knew where this was going.

“No matter how you try hard to hide it, I can sense it Zee. I know something is wrong. What happened last night?” I knew he was only concern, but I didn’t need it. I could very much handle my own problems without others meddling, like I’ve been used to do.

“What are you talking about?” Deny it.

“Don’t be like this Zee.” His voice was too tender. He stretched his arms reaching my face. No! Stop it before I do something bad! I yanked his arms away before he could remove my sunglasses, but it was a bit forceful than I had wanted. “Stop!! Stop acting like my goddamn father!! Stop pretending to care!! Stop entering someone’s life without permission!!” Stop Alex! You’re shooing him away.

 It was too late.

He was shocked by my sudden outburst I could tell even if he hid it quickly. He withdrew his hand. “Yes, you’re right. Why was I even bothering you in the first place?” So cold, so icy, his voice detached, stripped of emotions.

“Thank you.” Was what I said when in fact it was an apology I wanted to blurt out. I swiftly got out of his car and ran up the stairs of the entrance, almost taking two steps at a time. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I burbled endlessly but I knew…

I knew I won’t be seeing him anytime soon.

Why was it so difficult to show my feebleness? Why was it so hard to unveil this pretentious strong façade I’ve been parading? Why can’t I just be a normal damsel in distress once in awhile? Why can’t I let them know that I too get hurt, that I too become helpless? Why?

I know. Because I can’t afford to do so.

Because I only have myself.

Because ever since that day, it had only been me.

Just me and no one else.

And it was better to stay this way.

Shielded and isolated.

*****

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