Roller Coaster

RC --- Chapter THIRTY-SEVEN

I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you're doing, but I can't help it, cause I'm in love with you. --- Anonymous

January 8, Wednesday

8:45 AM

AZO Towers

She was immensely mortified when realized it was neither a dream nor a figment of her overly deprived heart. It was obviously real as proven by the note laid out on her office desk along with several stalks of red roses lavishly draped in a translucent wrapper.

Zee, I could hold you like that forever.

Your scent is my drug.

Your warmth is my comfort.

Please take me back Hon. --- Miguel

Alex weakly shifted on her chair, eyeing the bunch of flowers, wondering if she just made her situation more complicated. All she wanted was one day without pretentions, one day to be true to her feelings and truly she got that yesterday. More than in fact. But it left her bewildered more than ever. How could she let go of Miguel now?

She puffed the burdened air out of her system. Picking up the roses, she stood and carefully treaded on the side where a medium sized vase was placed. Throwing the yesterday’s red roses, she carefully replaced them with the new ones.

She then went back to her seat calming her throbbing mind forcefully dumping the bewilderment in the meantime as she focused back on the work at hand.

Pero sampung minuto pa lang ang nakakalipas, her concentration was bothered by a mobile call. Iniangat niya ang kanyang cellphone at napakunot noo sa pangalang nakalagay doon. Miguel? How did he know? She mentally slapped her head. Of course he probably took her number off her phone last night.

For a moment, she thought of ignoring his call but fought against it in the end as she lifted the device and answered in the most normal tone she could muster. “I don’t remember giving you my number.”

That earned her a short shy chuckle from the other line. “I took the liberty of fiddling with your phone; I hope that ain’t a major crime.”

She prevented her sigh from being heard but was unable to control the hastened beating of her heart. “I guess not.” She softly answered.

“Listen Zee, we’re okay right?” Miguel cautiously started. “I mean after last night…” He paused but continued after hearing no answer from her. “… I’m not rushing things or you but I at least want to know where I stand.” His voice was soft and hopeful.

Alex shut her eyes mentally blocking the swift impulsive urge to say yes as dictated by her overly excited heart. “I don’t know Miguel. I honestly don’t know.” Hers was low and unsure.

She heard Miguel’s deep sigh and all too soon her stomach flinched in anxiety. But then her worry was washed away instantly by his next words. “I understand.” There was warmth and apparent affection in his tone. “You’re definitely worth the wait Honey.”

His words drowned, killed and resurrected her already overwhelmed heart and before she could stop them, her tears were cascading down her rosy flushed cheeks. Covering her mouth with her left palm, she struggled to stay hushed.

And reality struck her once again, like it had been doing for the past days. Why was she torturing herself? Bakit hindi na lang siya makipagbalikan kay Miguel upang matigil na ang lahat ng sakit at kalituhan.