Roller Coaster

RC --- Chapter TWENTY-EIGHT

Sometimes you just have to hold your head up high, blink away the tears, and say goodbye. - Anonymous

December 15, Saturday

8:00 AM

Some Hotel

The feeling of thirst forced my consciousness to awaken. I rose abruptly and stumbled on the side of the bed almost immediately. I uncaringly resumed walking towards the bottle of water and drank it wholly.

I went back to bed and saw my phone on the side table. Kinuha ko ito at ibinalik ang battery na tinanggal ko kagabi. Right after turning it on, sunod-sunod na tunog ng mensahe ang sumalubong sa akin.

50 messages received.

I carefully scanned the senders’ names. The usual ones. Lexy, Xas, Ricky, and Miguel. Then there was someone I wasn’t expecting. Nix.

I touched the screen and opened Nix’ message. “Sweet… I’ve been trying to call you. I heard from Xas. I hope you’re okay. Be strong. I’ll talk to you when you’re much okay. I have news of my own. I need you.”

The other 49 messages came from the other four. 15 each from Lexy, Xas, and Ricky. The remaining 4 obviously sent by Miguel. I opened it one by one.

“Zee, we need to talk.”

“Zee, don’t be stubborn. Turn your phone on!”

“This is not you. Turn your damn phone on!”

“I’ll find a way. You know I will.”

Apparently he was still the same cocky, arrogant, smug Miguel, acting like there was nothing wrong. What did I expect?

I removed the battery once again. Humiga ulit ako sa kama. Wala akong gustong gawin kundi ang matulog lang ulit. And so I did.

The next time I woke up was because of the grumbling of my stomach I could no longer tolerate. Though without appetite, I compelled myself to take in some of the food I’ve ordered.

The stainless wall clock indicated eight in the evening. I’ve slumbered the whole day yet not even half of the exhaustion I’ve felt vanished. At kahit ang gusto lang ng katawan ko ay mahiga at matulog, pinilit kong pumasok sa banyo at naligo.

Afterwards, the next thing I knew I was turning my phone on again. Just like the first time, sunod-sunod na pumasok ang mga mensahe pero ngayon without a care on who and what, I went to the message settings and deleted all the messages in my inbox.

Now it was empty… as empty as my heart.

Empty and alone.

The tears started flowing again. And it wasn’t just because of the pain but the enormous anger too.

I cuddled myself as I drew my legs towards my body resting my chin over my knees. Rocking mindlessly as if in one way or the other it could provide the comfort I badly needed.

Monique del Torre, the woman Miguel was trying to pursue before he was with Kathleen, before he met me. As per the note that accompanied the set of pictures yesterday, he’d been rejected always until now. No wonder Miguel grabbed the opportunity instantly. It was her whom he wanted all along.

Not me. I was just a temporary replacement. An available proxy.

And the worst thing was… I thought I was who he needed.  

I almost believed I’ve met the perfect person to experience what love was. I should have known it was too perfect to be true. I fell hard and fast, not only metaphorically falling IN love but falling back to reality too.