fools | jean kirstein x reader [OLD]

17: Sorry

After most of the Garrison and the survey corps met up at their rendezvous point on wall Rose, they began to heal the injured and get everything back on track.

Once Hange signalled her squad to leave, they did as they were told. Christine was a co-leader with Hange, but she had asked if she could leave earlier with you. With approval, you and your mom were a good distance away from the rest of the soldiers. Your mom had wrapped her arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer.

"How're you holding up?" Your mother asked, full of sympathy.

"I'm not." You said bluntly. Your mom rubbed your arm and kissed your forehead.

"He'll be okay." she sighed.

"I'm scared about what I've done." You began to tear up. "And not only that, but I didn't even stay at the infirmary with him. I left." You sniffled.

"Have faith, my girl." Your mom said.

"He called me a bitch, mom! What if I actually am a bitch?"

"You're not. You didn't mean what you said to him."

Suddenly, the sky changed from a light baby blue to a moss green. The ground shook a bit. Your mom lost her balance and you held her up. You turned around and saw a faded lightning bolt.

After the smoke cleared, the colossus and armoured titan appeared.

"Shit." You mumbled. You and your mom looked in that direction.

"Let's go." Christina said, grabbing your hand.

"No, I'm going to fight." You yanked your hand out of your moms grasp.

"[Y/N]! Let's go!" Your mom shouted. "They're strong! They can handle it!"

You nodded and started to run towards Stohess.

Once you arrived at Stohess, you and Christina stopped at a café to catch your breath.

"I don't think I've ever run that fast in my life." Your mom wheezed.

"I'm going to headquarters." You said.

"Okay, I'll be around the village." Your mum waved.

You shoved your hands in your pockets and walked to the HQ with your head down. You kicked some pebbles along the way.

"Maybe I'll go visit Marco." You muttered.

Minutes later, you walked into the infirmary, where Jean lay — once again — unconscious in a bed.

"I'm so sorry, Jean. For everything." You whispered. You left the room.

Jean heard your apology and forcefully opened one of his eyes.

You walked down the corridor. It had gotten dark outside and it started to snow. By the looks of it, it was heavier earlier. You went to your room and put on a coat and mittens, bundling up.

You walked to the cemetery where Marco was buried. Two inches of snow were already on the ground, but the blizzard had turned into flurries. You put your hood on and shoved your hands in your pockets. You bought a bouquet of flowers on the way.

You arrived at Marco's grave.

You looked down at it and wiped the snow off his gravestone, revealing his name. You placed the roses in front of it and knelt down.

"I miss you." You muttered. You began to state all that had happened since he left.

"—Annie turned out to be an enemy. The female titan." You said as tears began to form in your eyes. You chuckled. "You would've loved being a Scout."

You paused and exhaled.

"Jean and I— we became very close. But I cheated." You held back your sobs. "With Bertolt. But it was an accident. Jean is dying again because of me. Again."

You clenched your eyes shut. Tears formed as you opened them back up. The heavy wind blew off your hood. You thought of when times were much simpler at camp, with Marco and Jean.

"I'm sorry. So, so, so sorry." You muffled. "You and Jean never deserved any of this shit."

You heard faint footsteps from behind you. "Happens to the best of us."

You felt a hand on your shoulder and a presence beside you. You lifted your head and turned to see who it was.

Your eyes widened at the sight of Jean.

"Jean!" You gasped.

Jean took off one of his mittens and wiped away the tears from your cheeks. He put his glove back on, getting onto his knees as well.

You hugged Jean and buried your face into his coat. "I'm so fucking sorry. You don't understand. I take back everything I've ever said to you." You sobbed. "I want you back. If you'll have me."

Jean wrapped his arms around you. Silence filled the air.

"You shouldn't be up right now. You need to rest." You said.

Jean just held you closer.

"I love you, Jean." You muttered.

"I love you too, [Y/N]." He said. "Just don't pull a stunt like that ever again."

You chuckled weakly. Jean kissed the top of your head. The wind picked up, and the crisp breeze swerved through your hair.

"Forgive me, too." Jean said. "For putting you through this. I was a bit too harsh back there as well."