Don't Come Back For Me

Honesty (Part 2).

       Rick looked... hurt. He had the same expression that you could faintly remember from that party. "What... What do you mean?" He was pleading with you, begging for an answer.

       You stared at your hands folded in your lap. "I mean exactly what I said. I'd been told, on numerous occasions, that... that you weren't one to care."

       Rick looked shocked, but the hurt remained in his eyes. "And you... you believe them, don't you?" There was so much pain in his voice. This wasn't anything like you'd thought he would be like. 

      "I... I don't know what to believe. But it's just-" You sighed, feeling frustrated. "There's no way to explain it. I don't want you to... to hate me." You bit your lip, slumping down in the seat.

       Rick sat back in his seat, watching you. "What do you mean, you don't want me t-to hate you? What the hell happened?"

       "It was... a while before I met you, before I, um..." You fidgeted with the hem of your shirt, "Before I came here." Rick sighed, "You're gonna have to be way more fucking specific, (Y/N)."

       You moved to talk, but the thought of Rick going silent, taking you home, and never speaking to you again made your voice falter. You were growing more and more frustrated, tears building in the corners of your eyes. "I can't. I don't want you to hate me for lying."

       "I can't hate you for that eugh if you don't tell me what it was, but you're making me doubt you right now, (Y/N)." You looked up to see him staring at you with a pleading gaze, "Just explain. Start at the beginning, I don't care."

       You sighed and looked out the window, "You're gonna hate me."

        Still looking out the window, watching Rick's reflection, you started. "When I was 16, I had another job working for the, um, other.. guy with your name. He knew my dad, and my dad told him I could work for him over the summer. So I did. And it was fun, y'know? I was 16, with a job doing what I loved with a really great guy. I mean, he was hilarious, and he was older, more mature. I was naive and stupid, you know?" You chuckled airily, "I started to like him. We were around every day and it was so much fun. He let me tell all my stupid jokes, he let me go on trips with him, just like you do." You paused to adjust in your seat.

       "One day we were working on a bomb. He'd said he wanted to teach me how to build and diffuse one, because it was a big issue with him. He was constantly fighting with people, always using bombs. But he wouldn't say anything else." You glowered at the floor. "I was working on it, and my finger slipped. I cut my thumb with the wire cutters, almost taking out the wrong cord. He grabbed my hand and fixed it, but he didn't let go of my hand. He just stared at me. And he moved my hand to his mouth. He kissed my finger, and then he kissed the rest of them. And then he kissed me." You felt tears welling in your eyes, still refusing to look at Rick, or his reflection.

       "I was 16, he was 46. There was always gonna be that lovely 30 year difference, but I didn't mind. I loved it. He was older than I was, more mature. More experienced. More... of an ass. He was my first for everything. We would go on trips, and he would stop and we'd go for ice cream, or for dinner when he was up for it. But he started to get mean. I guess he caught on to the fact that I loved him too much to care what he did to me. The love," you grimaced at the word, "all went away. He must've forgotten along the way, because he stopped telling me everyday, 'I love you, (Y/N). You're my whole universe.' He would say that every time I showed up, and every time I left. And, one day, he didn't. And that's when I realized he would be dangerous."

       You cleared your throat, wiping the tear that fell down your face. "He had a grandson, too. He stopped treating him nicely, spent more time with me. But he was an ass to everyone anymore, more towards the kid than anybody else. We were friends, the kid and I, because he was hurting both of us. And, when he.. put that video up, I couldn't take it. I told him I was done. I was 17, there was no reason for him to do that. It was fucking illegal, too, but nobody cared. When I had said I couldn't do it anymore, he hit me. He hit me so fucking hard, I thought I'd died. My heart fell, and I felt sick. I ran away from him, ran to his grandson. And he said he was already doing something. When I found out he... he killed the man, and ran away, I didn't know what to think.

       "I ran away from home, and I found them. I found the kid again, but he was different. He was more mature, and the man was... he was alive. But he was different, and the kid told me what he did, he told me how he'd done it, and that he was going to stop the rest of them before they could do anything more. That was the day I found out there were multiple dimensions, the day I found out there were so many possibilities, the day I found that I wanted more." 

       Rick made a sound, similar to a strangled cry, like he went to say something but stopped. "He let me live there, with him. And he was always talking about how he was making the world a better place. I found that what he had done to the man made him better. I asked if there was any possibility for somebody like him to really exist, somebody that would love me forever. But the kid said they were all the same. And he started talking about how they were all horrible, but there was one that stuck out above them all. 'Rogue', he'd said. 137 was the number that came up more than anything. He'd always ask his fucking slave, 'Did you find them yet?'. And he would bitch every time, because they couldn't find the man they wanted." You coughed.

       "One day they got him. I had to hide, the kid didn't want me to see anything. So I hid. But nobody came back for me. So I waited a whole day there, and moved around. They were all gone, there was nothing left anymore. When I dug around, I found his... God, I don't know what you call it. But it was.. well, it was a portal. But not a portal gun. I figured out how to turn it on, and I remembered everything he had said, everything he told me. Every one of them was the same, but there was one that didn't care the most. I thought, 'Gee, if I go there, I won't have to worry about ever falling for him again. He'll drive me away'. That was my stupid fucking mantra forever. But it was all I could think. He told me all the awful things this man was responsible for, everything he could do. So I plugged the numbers in and was surprised to find it worked. I found a new dimension, a new life. Here, my parents are gone. Apparently, I didn't exist in this dimension. So that was perfect. I got into college, did odd jobs, and sold things to the government. And I looked for a job.

       "I guess I was supposed to be around you forever, huh?" You chuckled sheepishly at the end of this.

       You finally looked up at Rick, taking his wide eyes and slack jawed expression. "So, I don't know," your voice shook as you wiped a tear away, "take me home and find somebody else, I guess. For almost a year, all I heard was '137 never gives a shit', that's why I figured you don't care. You never really gave me a reason to believe otherwise, you were always on the fence. But you took care of me, you took me to a fucking arcade, for fuck's sake. But that could always be a front. I'm so fucked, I don't know what to believe. But that fucker ruined everything for me. I've never been in another relationship, it's always one night stands. It's always laughs because, if I pretend it's okay, it's really okay. Another dimension version of you fucked me over, and you're putting it back together. I don't want that, I really don't. It's fucking terrifying." You covered your face, trying to stop the constant tears.

       "S-So," Rick's voice was rough but slow, "this whole time, you've been pretending not to know any- any of that shit, to be happy and annoying, eugh to not know those two, because you're trying to forget another dimension Rick, who fucked your shit up?" You nodded, holding back a sob. 

       "Y-You're not even.. from this dimension. Holy shit." You looked over at Rick slowly, finding him running his hands through his hair, like he was trying to piece it all together. He stopped suddenly, looking over to find you watching him. "(Y/N), wh-.. what did you mean, I'm 'putting it back together'? What eugh what did you mean?"

        "Just take me home, please."