Don't Come Back For Me

Regret.

       "This just in, Thomlinson, day 2 of the dumb fuck's confining himself to his room. Will he survive? Stay tuned for more." You tossed on your bed. For two days, it's been nothing but sitting in here or using the restroom. You hadn't taken the time to eat, nor the time to check your phone. Just two days of sitting in relative silence, suffering.

       Rick never stopped by, nor did Morty, a sign that you were most likely right. He hates you for lying. Your entire existence felt like a lie. You couldn't tell if you were falling for Rick or if that was just the leftover feelings from the Rick of your dimension. The most you were sure of was that you didn't want that. You never wanted to be in another relationship, especially not with another Rick.

        Both Rick and Morty's words flooded your mind. One had convinced you 137 was an ass, caring for nothing and nobody, while the other had almost persuaded you to at least consider the fact that this was a lie, that he could be nice. But that was exactly what you'd thought of the other Rick. He'd ruined your views of love, relationships, and sex. He'd made it seem as nothing more than a game to you. There was no way to know if this Rick would be the same, there was no way to be sure. Your first had given you a perverse outlook on the subject of love as a whole, made it so the word felt like acid burning in your throat. You couldn't bring yourself to say it, even if you were simply saying 'I love pancakes'. Of all the things he could have ruined for you, he destroyed love, he made it into nothing more than a game. You were afraid to love, afraid to be loved, because you could never know how it would end.

       So you decided it was best just to cut it out of your life completely.

       As you laid on your side, you sat and thought of what you'd once had, the first time you'd thought about it since you ran away from Morty and his slave. It had been perfect. He would whisper sweet things in your ear as you worked, place kisses on the top of your head. He would take you places when life was particularly rough. And he would hold you close to him at night, when you'd finish sharing the most intimate parts of yourself with him. He used to love you.

       He used to love you.

       Used to. He loved you. He loved you, and you messed it up. You must have done something wrong along the way. That's the only logical explanation. You did it.

       You began to cry, holding a pillow tightly against your bare chest as sobs tore through your body, breaking the silence.

       I just wanted you to love me, I just wanted us to be together forever. You promised. You said you'd love me.

       "Why couldn't you just... l-love me, like you promised? You said you... you'd be here forever. Where the fuck are you?!" You screamed into the room, the silence driving you insane. It was late, people most likely asleep. You were tired, but you were so... you didn't even know. There was a sea of emotion, and you were drowning in it.

        "(Y/N)?" You buried your face in the pillow held to your chest. You couldn't even tell if you'd really heard that, heard Rick say your name. You didn't even know if it was your Rick, or Morty's slave.

       You continued to sob into the pillow until it was slowly pulled from you, tossed back up to the headboard. "(Y/N)?" They tried again. They were real.

        You didn't respond, you only curled into a ball and wished they would go away. You were so tired, but you were afraid to fall asleep, afraid that your dreams would turn into nightmares. Hands hooked beneath you and you were pulled into the air, held against somebody before being pulled down to them. One arm wrapped around you while the other comfortingly rubbed up and down your arm.

       You clutched at the white lab coat near your fists, balling it into your fists as you cried, slowly falling asleep. "I just want you to love me." You took in a shaky breath, burying your face in the soft blue sweater and taking in the scent of heavy alcohol once again. Your lids slowly closed as you drifted closer to sleep.

       "I do, kid. You just... don't see that."