reset ; ym

Zero

edit (almost three years after this book was started): this fanfic is brought to you by lewis capaldi's entire discography

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It was messy.

It was tears and screams and sobs.

Crying was ugly, and Yoongi found himself uglier than he had wanted to be.
He had hoped that it would be easy to say these words, "I have to break up with you," he had hoped that these words would just slip past his lips and then it would be okay.
Then he would feel relieved and Jimin would hate him, but they could go separate ways from then on and Jimin could forget about him and Yoongi could try to move on.

But of course that wasn't the case.
Yoongi felt tears sting in his eyes before he had even said the words, but to his luck he was good at hiding it.
Jimin seemed to immediately get that something was wrong, texting him that they "had to talk" had probably not been the cleverest thing to do.
Jimin just sat there on his bed, his whole body tense and his hand nervously fiddling with the hem of his shirt.
Yoongi's shirt. He just so happened to wear it that day.

The words seemed to get stuck in Yoongi's throat as he noticed that. He couldn't do this. He just couldn't, maybe it would work out, maybe they could be happy again-

"Yoongi?" Jimin whispered. He looked so scared. He shouldn't be looking like that. Yoongi shouldn't be scaring him.
"I- Jimin..." was all he managed to say which didn't ease Jimin's nerves at all.
But the younger man stayed quiet and just stared at his boyfriend with big eyes. He had probably already known what was going to happen, because when Yoongi finally managed to say, "I can't do this anymore," Jimin's expression fell slightly, but that was the only reaction Yoongi received.

For about thirty seconds, it was quiet. Then, Jimin took a breath in and opened his mouth, he was about to say something and Yoongi was already expecting him to start screaming, but then, Jimin simply closed his mouth again and lowered his head.

The guilt inside of Yoongi was only growing at that, and he quickly took the opportunity to continue.
"I'm sorry, I really am. I wish I didn't have to do this, I-"
"Did you find someone new?"
Out of all the things Jimin could have said, this was the last thing Yoongi expected to hear.
"What?" he mumbled. Jimin knew that Yoongi would never cheat on him. Never.
"If you- if you did, you can tell me. I just wanna know... or did I do something wrong?"
Yoongi immediately shook his head. "No! You didn't, I swear... I just- I don't think this is going to work out."

And it was the truth, it really was. They fought a lot, about important and unimportant issues, and they had completely different things they wanted to do in the future. While Jimin had everything planned through, Yoongi didn't know a single thing.
Their fights always ended in tears because Jimin liked yelling a bit too much and Yoongi's mouth just never knew when to shut up.
Then Yoongi would voluntarily crash on the couch, or sometimes, if it had been really bad and he just couldn't stand being around Jimin anymore, he would go to back to his own apartment and sleep there.
But either way, it would lead to make-up sex and apologizing one time too many and cuddling and kissing.

Not this time, of course. This was the end. And maybe it was good that way.
Yoongi wasn't an optimist, but right now he was desperately trying to see all the good in his situation. Their fights would stop, the constant pain of having hurt someone that was important to them. They could finally fulfill their dreams and live their lives and Yoongi wouldn't have to worry about whether or not his love for Jimin was still strong enough or not. Maybe he had just gotten used to the feeling of being in love. Maybe he needed this break up.

"Not going to work out? Why?" Jimin asked quietly. His voice was so soft and timid, Yoongi was almost scared that it would break.
But before he could even think of an answer, Jimin's face contorted and he gripped the bedsheets until his knuckles stood out white.
"Why?" he yelled. Yoongi flinched.
"Tell me why this shouldn't work out! Why? What did I do wrong, Yoongi? And-" he sobbed and gasped for air, but no tears left his eyes, "I swear to God, be honest with me. Just... this one time..."
Yoongi's eyes widened and he instinctively reached out to grab Jimin's wrists.
Jimin flinched. His whole body was shaking.