reset ; ym

Seven weeks and six days later

I'm two days late wtf @ me

Also Happy New Year!

~

Yoongi and Moonsun's next date was at a rather underwhelming location; the café, and he, of course, paid for both of their drinks. She got a green tea. Jimin always used to get a cappuccino. Yoongi went for a black coffee.

"See, I let you choose where we go for out next date, and it's the most trivial thing ever," Moonsun complained once they sat down at a table with their drinks. Yoongi raised an eyebrow.
"Trivial? That's what you think?"
She grinned.
"I take that as an insult."
"Oh, come on," Moonsun whined as she laughed, "You know what I mean. Just... boring. Mainstream."
"Those are not synonyms," Yoongi told her and frowned, only making her laugh even more.

"I know, I'm bad with words. But you get what I mean."

"I'm going to make this the best café date you've ever had."

"That's not hard, believe me."

They fell into easy conversation afterwards. She told him about her day, he told her about university. When she found out that Yoongi made music she seemed impressed.
"So, that means I'm dating a musician now?" she asked and gave him a challenging grin. Yoongi chuckled dryly. Hearing her say that was weird. Dating. He didn't like the word, not in that context at least. And it was mean and shitty of him, but there was little he was willing to do about it. He wanted to give it a shot; he had to, if he ever wanted to stop thinking about Jimin.

"You have to show me some of your music one day," Moonsun said and took a sip of her tea. Yoongi shrugged. "There will be the time, I'm sure."

After they had finished their drinks, they went out for a walk in the park that wasn't too far away, just a few blocks. The weather was rather dull that day, grey clouds and a bit windy, but at least it was not raining. Not a lot of people were out, just a few kids on the playground and their parents watching them from the side. 

"Do you like kids?" Moonsun asked. They were holding hands. Yoongi looked at her in surprise.
"That's a weird question," he commented. Did he like children? It always depended on the context. And on the kid, for sure.
"Well, do you want kids in the future?" Moonsun clarified and tried to sound as nonchalant about it as possible, but Yoongi could see right through her. He was quiet for a few moments and they sat down on a bench.

"Well, I believe I've never really thought about it before," he said, and it was true; when he was still dating Jimin, he didn't have to think about it. South Korea didn't allow same sex marriage, let alone gay couples adopting children. And they didn't have to worry about getting the other one pregnant – it was clear that they were never going to have children in the future. But Yoongi left that part out; Moonsun didn't need to know about that.

"Maybe. Maybe not. I'm still young, I don't want to think about settling down and starting a family."

Perhaps it wasn't the smoothest thing to say, as Moonsun looked at him thoughtfully and then just hummed.
"I like kids," she said, "I really want to have at least one in the future."

And then, Yoongi realized why she had asked, and immediately felt guilty.

Not because of his response, not because he might not want to have kids in the future – but because of the turmoil that was his emotional world.

Jimin this, Jimin that. Moonsun in his arms. The way Jimin used to kiss him. Moonsun's lips on his. Jimin's pretty smile. But Jimin wasn't here.
Yoongi was going on dates with Moonsun, a great girl looking for a longterm relationship, while Yoongi couldn't stop thinking about his ex.
Something was going incredibly wrong. And maybe Yoongi had known for a while, or maybe he hadn't yet even realized it. But deep down, he knew. That's why the guilt never went away; and it wouldn't.

But Yoongi wasn't ready to face that yet. So, instead, he dug a hole for himself that he wouldn't get out of anymore if he kept going like that. Did he care though? No.

"Hey, Moonsun."
The girl turned her head to face him. Her eyes widened in surprise when Yoongi kissed her, softly, passionately. It felt so wrong. It felt so good but so wrong – Yoongi's mind was a mess. He liked her, but she wasn't what he wanted. Was she? She was so, so different from Jimin. She was so different from what Yoongi yearned for.

Shit.