reset ; ym

Six days later

It was weird that Yoongi kept catching himself staring at the photos hanging on his wall.
He really should put them away.

And he told himself just that over and over again, and then he took a seat on his couch and ignored the photos until the next day when he stood right in front of them again.

When he looked at the photographs, he didn't feel anything, nothing bad, nothing good, but the thought of putting them away and not seeing them hanging on his wall anymore made him nervous.
He couldn't do it, not yet. Maybe it was just justifying something that didn't need to be justified, but it would feel so wrong. They were just pictures, yet they meant so much to Yoongi, or at least they used to. Having Jimin around almost constantly was something he had gotten used to, and it felt so odd not to see him and not to hear from him at all.

It was Yoongi's fault, he was well aware of that. And he wouldn't want it any other way – his relationship with Jimin had kept him busy fot a few weeks now, and not in a positive way.
Still, Yoongi couldn't fully let go of it yet, although he knew he had to. So he kept the pictures.

Sometimes, Yoongi missed Jimin.
He would feel guilty about it right after, knowing that he didn't have the right to miss him at all.
In those six days after the break up, Yoongi unintentionally avoided his friends, although, when he had done his not-so-professional research on how to break up with someone, it repeatedly said that both parties should not isolate themselves.

But Yoongi had always had those times when he didn't want to see anyone, and his friends knew that. So they weren't surprised when they didn't hear from him in a few days, not even Hoseok.
Jimin always came around then – he was the only one with an inofficial permission to annoy Yoongi at all times.

As Yoongi lay in his bed six days after, he smiled about what had happened months ago.

Was it okay to miss Jimin? Shouldn't he be mad at him for whatever reason? Didn't ex partners always hate one another? He knew that Jimin hated him, and Yoongi felt a little sick when he admitted to himself that he had every right to do so.
Maybe he should try to think of things that would made him hate Jimin, but then he remembered that it was practically impossible not to like the younger.
And Yoongi could definitely not hate him for a decision he didn't make.

Why couldn't Jimin just majorly fuck up so Yoongi had every reason to dislike him?
Because that would be even worse than what you've already done to him, he then reminded himself.

Yoongi's bed was empty. Really empty. When Jimin had still lived with his parents, he used to spend many nights with Yoongi until his parents told him he'd had to stay at home for a few days, at least for the night.
And even after Jimin had gotten his own apartment, it wasn't unusal for either him or Yoongi to spend a night at the other one's place.

Yoongi had to stop thinking about that. He raised his head from where he was laying on his bed and looked around. He could simply get rid of all the things that reminded him of Jimin, but then he realized that that would include his bed because dear God –

It was absolutely weird. Yoongi's mind was a mess and he couldn't decide on what to think.
The first days after the break up everything had been somewhat okay. Sure, he had felt guilty and sad sometimes, and he thought about everything that had happened a lot, but now...
He felt relieved. But then again, he wondered if he had made the right decision. Had their relationship really been that bad? Apparently not, if Jimin hadn't seen the problems at all.

"You didn't feel comfortable anymore, and now you're feeling better, so of course it's been the right decision," Hoseok would say now. But Hoseok wasn't there, so no one told Yoongi just that.

He had broken Jimin's heart, that was for sure. That had been inevitable.
But here was Yoongi, thinking about the good moments in their relationship and then how it all had ended and he felt really, really bad.
Maybe this showed him how dependent he had been on Jimin, and then it was just right that he had broken up with him – he couldn't always rely on one person.

But despite that, and despite that Jimin had thrown a picture frame at him and that they had both cried and yelled at each other, despite the countless fights they've had, Yoongi couldn't stop thinking.

This wasn't normal. Not for Yoongi. He had to talk to someone – Hoseok maybe, or Namjoon, maybe even Seokjin (but not Taehyung; Yoongi was sure he'd have to avoid him for the rest of his life)...

He groaned and buried his face in his pillow as all he wished for was shut his stupid mind up.

And maybe regret ever having dated Jimin. Maybe then he wouldn't have had to deal with these things now.