reset ; ym

Almost six weeks later

The day was a Wednesday, right in the middle of the week. Jimin felt exhausted – he had just finished dance practice after a particularly short night of three hours.

He had been at Jungkook's yesterday but hadn't stayed for the night. It had been a good day, and Jimin was once more struck by the thought that he really liked Jungkook. He felt comfortable around him and laughed about his jokes and Jungkook treated him well.
And in the end, that was what it came down to, right?

So Jimin hadn't really expected to break down crying once he had come home.

He wasn't exactly sure why, but the thought of Yoongi came back to his mind, and then Jimin found himself looking for one of the long forgotten photo albums he still had somewhere.

He had looked at all of the photos, and most of them had included Yoongi – there were selfies of the two of them or group photos or pictures Jimin had secretly taken of Yoongi that turned out quite good.

And Jimin had cried, a lot, until he couldn't really breathe anymore. He had thought about calling Taehyung, but then he had remembered how that went last time.
So he managed to drag himself over to his couch where he had then spent the night lying awake, crying, until he finally passed out. 

Of course he just had to have dance class the next day. He still didn't know how he managed to survive that. His whole body was aching and he couldn't think straight anymore, but even once they were finished, Jimin couldn't yet go home. Sungdeuk asked him to stay so he could talk to him. That had never happened before.

"Jimin," Sungdeuk said when the last student had left the room.
"See, this is none of my business, but if you need someone to talk to, then there are plenty of possibilities to do so. You've not been quite the same for a few weeks now and I'm a bit scared that you slacking is becoming a regularity."

Jimin tapped his finger against his thigh and looked down at his feet.
"No, I'm good," he said, "Just haven't been sleeping very well, 's all."

Sungdeuk thoughtfully looked at him, then he nodded. "Don't let this affect your performance."

Then, Jimin was dismissed, and he could finally, finally go home.
When he saw that he had received a text, part of him already thought it was from Jungkook, but when he checked he was surprised to see that it was from Seokjin.

Jimin!

We haven't seen each other in a while.

Namjoon suggested we could hang out together this weekend, but if you don't want to join then that's fine.

Did he want to join? Technically, yeah, he did – but Yoongi would be there, he was sure of that. What would be the point in hanging out with his friends and being even more miserable than when he was alone?

Jimin locked his phone again and decided to think about it and respond later, then made his way to the train station to get home.

When he finally arrived he couldn't wait to get into his bed and to sleep for the rest of the day – he didn't care that he still had to write two essays and for that, he definitely needed to go to the library.
Right now, sleeping was his number one priority. Jimin blindly walked in the direction of his bedroom – there was something lying on the floor, but before he could notice it he had already stumbled across it.

Jimin hissed and tried to catch his balance – he didn't fall, luckily.

But when he looked down to see what had caused his clumsiness, he spotted the photo album. His heart sank down to his stomach.

For a few seconds, he stood there frozen still. Then, he carefully knelt down and grabbed the photo album.
It was opened on one of the last pages, and it didn't take Jimin too long to realize that these were the photos of the trip him and his friends did a few years ago, during summer.

He wanted to smile at the memory, but he couldn't. Yoongi was in all of these pictures and it hurt so much to look at him, to look at them together and how happy they had been and that it would never be like that again.
Jimin's fingers grabbed the page to turn it, it was an almost automatic movement, but he could stop himself just again. No, what he went through yesterday – he couldn't do that again.
Jimin quickly closed the book and pushed it away. It slid across the ground and softly hit the wall.

Then, it was quiet. Jimin's eyes remained on the book, he felt his heartbeat quicken and his hands tremble.
His breath hitched, and the familiar stinging in his eyes told him that he was close to crying again.
And then, suddenly, it felt like something in his brain snapped and he got up with a whimper, grabbed the book – and threw it against the wall.
A hollow noise sounded. One of the picture frames fell to the ground, the glass broke.

Jimin sobbed.

Min Yoongi, fucking Min Yoongi – what was it that Jimin had to do to get him out of his mind? He could be so happy with Jungkook, but instead he felt miserable, and everything seemed to remind him of Yoongi, just everything. It was so pitiful, so pathetic.

The sudden longing for something that made Jimin's feet carry him over to the kitchen hit him and he didn't even try to resist it.
There was a bottle of soju in his fridge, he knew that – he got it, opened it.
This was so wrong, he had tried to drink away his pain before and it hadn't worked, yet here he was again.

At first, Jimin had the decency to drink from a glass. The alcohol burned his throat and he frowned, but took another sip nonetheless. He'd just need enough and eventually, it would be alright.
He leaned against the kitchen counter before downing the rest of his drink. Another glass followed, then the bottle.
It hurt, it hurt so much. Jimin wanted to stop – but the pain that came with remembering Yoongi and constantly having him on his mind was worse.

He had emptied more than half of the bottle when he stumbled towards his door. Jimin had started this thing, so he was going to carry it out properly now.
His chest felt so warm, and it was a nice change to the infinite hollowness he had felt over the past few weeks. He felt light, so much lighter.

The alcohol hadn't fully hit him yet, so Jimin didn't struggle too much to reach the bar safely.
Or, at least the people who walked past Jimin didn't seem to find him suspicious.

The air inside the bar was stifling, and although it was still early evening there were quite some people drinking, laughing, talking.
Jimin kept his head low as he walked up to the bar and sat down there.
His leg was bouncing up and down and he tried not to look at anyone who was around him.

"Hello," the bartender asked him. It was a young woman, her dark hair was tied back into a lose, high ponytail and she was dressed in all black. A gentle smile was on her lips as she looked at Jimin. A gentle smile, or was it pitiful? Mocking?
"What can I get you?"

Jimin hoped he didn't look too miserable as he replied with, "Something high-proof that doesn't make me look like I have lost control over my life, please."
The bartender's smile grew into a grin and she raised her eyebrows as she looked down.
"Alright," she said and started preparing a drink.

Jimin waited patiently. The soju from earlier was definitely starting to show its effects on him now.
Hi eyelids grew a little heavier although he didn't feel tired anymore, and for a second he had to think a bit harder to remember why exactly he was here.
But then, there was Yoongi again, Yoongi on his mind and Yoongi's face in front of him when he closed his eyes, and Jimin realized that he was nowhere near drunk enough.

This was going to be a fun night.