reset ; ym

A month and two days later

Uhh what another update,,, what is wrONg WitH mE??? But I'm trying to get this weird phase over with so we can get to the real drama :))))

~

Yoongi was slowly getting used to being alone.

He was doing considerably good, he would say; he felt less guilty ever day and didn't think of what already happened too often anymore.
He felt free, freer than before.

And then, Namjoon came around, and Yoongi was in no way prepared for what he had to say.

They were sitting on his couch, the TV running in the background with neither of them actively paying attention to it.
Yoongi was scrolling through his phone when Namjoon suddenly spoke up.
"So..." he said, and then he was quiet again. Yoongi glanced at him.

"Yeah?"

Namjoon didn't look at him, just stared into the air.
"Nevermind."

And no, Yoongi wasn't having that.
"Hey," he said, "Come on, don't give me that 'nevermind'."
He nudged Namjoon with his foot, and then again when he didn't react.

"Okay, okay, wait! Stop kicking me!" Namjoon complained and glared at Yoongi.
"Jesus..."
Yoongi just threw him another asking glance.

"But the topic might not be your favorite," Namjoon warned him, and it was already then that it dawned Yoongi where this was going. He sighed.
"Well? Are you going to tell me now?" he asked anyway, although he wasn't sure if he really wanted to know.

Namjoon inhaled deeply. "Fine. It's just – did you know Jungkook took Jimin on a date?"

Yoongi raised his eyebrows. "Really? Jungkook?"
Namjoon nodded. "Yeah, yesterday. Seokjin told me."

Yoongi locked his phone and lowered it. He must've looked pretty surprised, because Namjoon squinted his eyes slightly and worriedly looked at him.
"I thought... I'd tell you before, I don't know... you find out when it's already too late," Namjoon quickly added.
Yoongi looked at him. "Too late? Jimin can go on dates with whoever he wants to. It's none of my business anymore."
He lowered his head and picked at a thread on his jeans.

"Besides," he then continued, "It's good for them if they're happy together."

It did feel a bit weird imagining it. Jungkook and Jimin, holding hands, kissing – but Yoongi meant what he said. Jungkook was his friend, and if Jimin was the one to make him happy then so be it.

"Really? Are you sure you're okay with it?" Namjoon asked carefully.

"I know, you were the one to break up, but it's still okay to be heartbroken. You seem to take this whole thing a bit too easily and I'm not really sure if you're being honest."
Yoongi shrugged. Maybe Namjoon was right, and maybe, deep down Yoongi was really bothered by the breakup and by Jungkook and Jimin going on a date.
Jimin was still important to him, and him apparently moving on so quickly – it did something to Yoongi.
He would never admit that, though. Especially not to Namjoon or even himself.

"Jimin can do whatever he wants to," Yoongi said. Namjoon stayed quiet, so Yoongi took the opportunity to continue.

"It's a bit desperate, if you ask me," Yoongi murmured, "But that doesn't matter, does it?"

Yoongi expected Namjoon to snap at him for that because really, that remark was mean and unnecessary. But Namjoon didn't say anything; instead, he sighed, and when Yoongi looked at him, his face softened.
"No, it doesn't," Namjoon mumbled, "At least not to Jimin. It's okay to show how you're feeling, hyung. I won't judge you."
And Yoongi was grateful for that.

"Do you miss him?" Namjoon asked after a few moments of silence.
Yoongi took his time to answer.
"Sometimes, yeah," he then admitted quietly, "I mean, four years, that's a long time. We've been through so much together."
Namjoon nodded and hummed as a sign that he was listening.
"Do you regret breaking up?"

Yoongi frowned. "Not really, I guess."
He hated himself for how uncertain he sounded when he wasn't even lying.
"No, really," he quickly said, "It is better this way."

"Why?" Namjoon immediately wanted to know, "Better for who? For you? Or for him?"

Yoongi swallowed. He looked over at the TV but didn't really focus on the show that was on.

"Namjoon-ah..."

"Sorry. You don't have to answer that, of course."

"No, it's fine." Yoongi shook his head slightly.

"I – it wasn't the same, you know? We were always fighting and... it was hard, for both of us. He was clearly hurting, and I couldn't keep doing that to him. He wasn't happy."

"Were you happy?"

Yoongi hesitated. "Very," he then responded, "But only when we weren't fighting."

Namjoon nodded understandingly. It was different to talk to him than to Hoseok.
Hoseok tried to find a solution, Namjoon tried to understand. Yoongi was thankful for both of them.
"Hyung," Namjoon said, "Can you be as honest as possible now?"

Yoongi blinked at him. "I always am."

Namjoon caught his bottom lip between his teeth. "Do you still have feelings for Jimin?"

Yoongi immediately opened his mouth – but what was he supposed to say? Should he deny it?
Honest, he thought, be fucking honest.

"I..." he started, but his voice cracked and he cleared his throat. Namjoon waited patiently.

"It would be wrong to say yes, right?" Yoongi said quietly, then he blinked quickly shook his head.
"No – what the fuck, of course I don't. I broke up with him for a reason. It didn't work out between us, I didn't love him anymore. People end their relationships, it happens, even after four years."

Namjoon raised his head slightly. There was a little glint in his eyes that unsettled Yoongi. A lot.

"What?" he asked, "No, don't look at me like that – stop!"
Yoongi was being honest, he didn't know what Namjoon expected him to say. 

"Sorry, sorry," Namjoon quickly apologized, "Yeah, maybe the question was a bit stupid."

"It's fine," Yoongi said. He kneaded his finger joints, then cracked them.
"I mean –" he proceeded and stopped again, then he took a deep breath in.
"I do wish we... we would've separated on good terms. We... could've ended up as good friends, maybe. But I hurt him too much for that, I guess."

Namjoon's expression softened remarkably.
"Maybe one day," he says.

Yoongi nodded and pressed his lips together. Maybe one day, when Jimin and Jungkook had become a thing and Yoongi had accepted that things were different now.

"Yeah," he echoed, "Maybe one day."