A New Beginning (ErenxMikasa) Book 1 (Completed)

Chapter 22 - Back Off

Erens POV

After class ends Levi walks to my desk with Sasha and Armin beside him. He tells them to leave so he could talk to me in private, they obeyed his order and left to their second block. Levi puts his hand on my shoulder, I look up at him still teary eyed.
"You did it to protect her, I couldn't have asked for someone better for her. Don't worry she'll come back."
"No... she won't. I screwed up, the main thing I fought for is now gone."
"You could tell her what happened. But then she'd want to be apart of the scouts and protect you and me. Or you could let it be, knowing she's safe and hope that she comes back to you."
"What would you do?"
"Honestly.... I don't know. That's something you have to decide. I wouldn't blame you if you told her everything."
I sit there in silence until I hear the tardy bell ring, Levi walks me to Hanges class and we both talk to her for a second. She's already heard the news, and try's to comfort me outside. I embrace it and just walk inside, Levi waves goodbye and goes back to his class. Some of the students saw the three of us all bruised, I heard them talking about it in the back. Before I could get to my seat Jean comes up to me.
"Eren, what happened between you and Mikasa?" The room is completely silent, Mikasa is sitting not even three feet away from me and Jean and all eyes are on us. Hange keeps silent but spectates just incase things get out of hand.
"Jean please get out the way." I say removing my hoodie, I have a base ball t-shirt (a long sleeve t-shirt that meets half way of your forearm.) since the sleeve were half way, the cuts and scraps on my hands, arms and knuckles were shown.
"No man not when you look like this. Just tell us dude."
"Jean I'm only gonna tell you one last time, get the FUCK out of the way." Everyone is dead silent,  I see Annie get up a little off her seat but I look at her and shake my head. I notice Mikasa look at Annie to so now I'm guessing she's gonna try and talk to her. Once I tell Annie no she goes back down, Marco tries to convince Jean to go back to his seat but he isn't listening.
"Or what Eren?"
I grab him by the shirt and push him as hard as I can into the wall, you could hear the hit. I raise my arm in the position of punching him.
"Eren, back down." Hange tells me from across the room, I look at her and then back at Jean.
"Dude, we're on the same side." I look at him one last time the let go and walk to my desk, I put my head phones in and lay my head down avoiding everyone. This only lasts about 20 minutes until Hange asks me to raise my head, I look at her confused but I see her with a guitar in her hand. I remove my headphones, and continue my look of confusion.
"Yes?"
"I was wondering if you'd like to play guitar to get your mind off things."
"Do I have a choice?"
"Ehh....no."
"Can I play outside by myself."
"Ehh....no."
She replies back with a smile, I get up and grab the guitar from her hand and go to the stool. I plug the amp and look down still upset with everything going on. Then I hear Hange shouting.
"Come on Eren let's hear your amazing music."
"Yeah..." I say looking down still upset, I think of whatever song would best suit how I feel until the perfect song hits me. I don't make eye contact with anyone and I start my song. (Cameron Sanderson doesn't have a cover of this song so Boyce Avenue it is then.)

(Insert Song)
I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here?
So, if you're asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I've made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
So, if you're asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

I put down the guitar and walk out of the classroom not saying another word to anyone else. I go outside the double doors and fall onto the floor propped up against the wall. Tears start streaming down my face, and I can't hide them anymore. I hear someone open the double doors and walk over to me, it's....Armin? He sits beside me and looks over at me.
"Marco texted me saying that you ran out of your class and that I needed to check on you because Ms.Zoe wouldn't let them leave."
"Yeah...."
"Eren, can't you at least tell me, your best friend. We've always been by each other's side no matter what. Since we were in kindergarten, I've always trusted you... can't you trust me?" I look down at the floor and confess to everything that's happened. I told him about everyone in the scouts, about us killing people, in specific me killing those three guys in cold blood. He's shocked at what he's hearing, I don't blame him....I'm a monster.
"I'm a monster, Annie told me that you told her to rise above monsters you have to abandon your humanity. What if they weren't monsters, what if I just did it just to do it. The last guy out of the three I killed begged me not to kill him. I could see his tears for Christ sake, but I just didn't care. I wanted to see his blood spilled by me.....I'm a monster."
"You're not a monster, killing doesn't define your humanity. What defines your humanity is what you do after. Do you continue the killing for fun and get rid of whatever bit of sanity you possess or do you move on from that and look back at what you did knowing it wasn't entirely right and try to fix it. That defines you." He looks at me with a smile and a hand on my shoulder.
"Thank you Armin, I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Oh god you'd be an emotion reck without me." We both laugh but I go back to my state of sadness.
"I lost her man..... I'll never get her back."
"I doubt that, I've never seen you this happy. Also for her, she's always in a better mood when around you. You guys will get together soon again don't worry."
Armin reassures me like usual, he's the greatest friend a guy could have. Armin helps me up and I walk back into class looking a little better then before. I sit down in my seat and continue class.