She's lost In A Sea Of Poetry

Friendship first

A few months ago I used to put my music on shuttle,plug in my phone and let my Pandora raido slowly drift me off into sleep. Now I can't do that anymore because every time I try I am inturrpted by songs that remind me of you and I can't push how I feel far away from me. The forgotten feelings come rushing back. I find myself whispering I miss you, and sometimes reaching for the phone just to text you. I never get so far now to do it anymore since the last time I asscidently called you. I thought you blocked me from messaging, but that might have been me so you wouldn't call me back in the morning. I'm not sure anymore, but now I'm afraid to text you and I can't listen to music without hearing a song that makes me miss you. I can't remember how love songs stopped being about the last person I fell in love with and how they started being about you instead, but I do remember when they started to be about you. Now the break up songs are about you too and I'm not sure just how to forget you. The only way I've survived this Summer is by texting other people, and binge watching tv, but then I stubble upon a qoute,or a song that reminds me of you and I'm missing you again. I've been trying to let go, I've been trying to move on, but I need to see you first, I need to see how you've been holding up without me, I need proof that you've moved on, I need clourse, before I can. That's just how it usually goes for me. I clang onto love once I've found it, even when we break up, but I slowly learn how to live with out you, though my heart still beats for you, and before I let go of you, I need proof that you're not missing me anymore, like I've spent months missing you. I don't know why I'm like that,why it's so hard for me to let go of someone. It's just the way I am though, I need to know you're done loving me, before I stop loving you, and even then I never stop loving you, I just put my walls between us up, I just put back boundaries up, and I start loving someone else instead, and this time I want that someone else to be myself for a little while. I want to make new friends and get to know someone before I go out with them. Maybe then there'd be less confusion,on my end,of who I got involved with. Maybe then I'll be more comfortable, more open. Maybe then I'll be able to open up to them more and love them more. I don't want to rush into things anymore. I want to take my time, I want to get to know someone before I go out with them and I want them to get to know me. I want a friendship with someone before I have a relationship with them. Hopefully then there'd be less misunderstandings and assumptions and more honestly and love and more of an connection.