She's lost In A Sea Of Poetry

I don't feel lucky in love,not today

On one hand I'm over you. I don't care anymore,and it doesn't matter anymore. I've made peace with my past and I'm ready to move on. But on the other hand, I'm still angry, I'm still hurt, I still love you and I still miss you. On one hand I'm over it. On the other hand, I'm not. It's like I'm there, but I'm not. I've moved on, but I also haven't. It's the strangest place to be in. Half of you is over it, half of you isn't. It's like being torn in two between the past and the future. Half of you is still there,stuck in the past, still in love with him and the other half sees the future, sees better things ahead of you and is ready for it and is ready to move on. Half of you is still there,the other is staring straight ahead..and you're just trying to keep your focus on better things and better days but the past keeps haunting you..keeps tapping on your shoulder reminding you of the things and the people you're trying to forget. I just wanna forget, forget it all and let it all go. You're a thorn in my side I keep trying to pull out but a part of you is etched in my memory. There's a scar you left that won't go away no matter how much I try to forget it about it all. One day I know it won't matter anymore. It never did to you, did it? I just wish that day was today. It's the worst when you let someone in and you give them your heart and they leave suddenly one day and you never hear a word from them again. They act like you no longer exist. You're just suddenly nonexistent to them, and you wonder if you ever mattered to them because you feel like you didn't. You feel like you don't and you never did and never will. And you're just dumbfounded about how someone can walk away so easily and pretend like you never existed and like what you had was never real. And you wonder if it was all in your head, if they played you. If they only pretended to feel even a pinch of what you felt. If everything they said to you and did was all just for show, was all just a game and was never real,never true. If it was all just a dream, a delusion they made you believe. You wonder if they ever cared at all and if they ever will. You hope they would. You're hurt. How could they not? You wish they'd come back. You know they probably won't and it hurts. It aches. You just wanna know you mattered to them. That what you had, even if it's over, meant something. You start to believe it didn't, and it'll never matter to them, and that's what hurts the most. How am I ever supposed to let someone in again when all everyone does is leave? How am I ever supposed to love when all I ever do is get hurt? How am I supposed to know who is true and who is not? And you wonder why some people close themselves off to others and push others away and don't let them in. I'm so tired of enduring pain. Heartbreak is exhausting. I hate the taste. I hate it all..I don't think I can take someone else coming into my life only to leave it again. Too many people have come and gone for me to ever be the same. And some have left with no explanation. Some have just slowly drifted out of my life and stopped replying to my text and I've never heard from them again. I'm so tired of pain. It's etched in my brain. I need someone, I'm looking for someone who'll stay. I have tasted too much heartbreak for someone so young. My life has only begun. There must be something more, something better out there for me? Oh won't you send it my way? I don't feel lucky in love,no,not today.