They say what makes you hold on are the words left unspoken. You tend to look for answers, and end up clueless. You want to know what went wrong. You are dying to know what made the person you value the most walk away. But is it really your fault that he chose to leave you hanging? Is it your loss that he eliminated you out of his life? The answer can be a yes or a no. You don't know, either. All you know is you gave your best shot to save the friendship-- to make him stay.
You begin to question yourself what made everything so wrong. The friendship you had was fine. You even stated before, "It will last forever, for sure." Is your friendship's version of forever that short? Four years isn't short, is it? But can you really call yourself his best friend? You even don't know if he has a father, or how many hearts did he break. All you know is that he's the eldest among three, and he is having a 9-month relationship with a girl younger than you are. You don't get to see each other every now and then. You would never hear any from him unless you would visit his facebook profile. That is what you are in his life. You are his surrogate best friend; someone he would call when he got no one to count on. And what hurts you the most is, you knew it all along. Yet, you let yourself be an option. You allow the person you care the most treat you like you're nothing.
And there it hit you, big time. Everything falls into place when you finally admitted you have fallen. All along you were denying the fact that you made him the center of your universe. That the weird feeling you felt when he touched your hand isn't because you had eaten much for dinner, but because it is your heart's way of telling, you love him. All this time, it was love.
You begin to throw questions to yourself again. Why didn't the friendship work? What's his reason of leaving? Did he know your feelings way back? Is this his way of helping you to forget about him? You give out a deep sigh. You don't know. You are oblivious. You are still in the middle of nowhere, waiting for someone who would come-- you want him to be the one who will rescue you. But you know he isn't coming. You aren't expecting, just hoping.
Aren't you tired of being the second option? Aren't you exhausted of pushing yourself? Aren't you fed up of not being one of his choices?
Wake up, young lady! You deserve to be with someone better-- someone who would see every beautiful thing in you; a man who can find a woman greater than you are, but still won't leave because you mean everything to him. Find someone who will never be like him. Keep in mind that the chapter between you has ended already, and you have to move on to the next page. You are destined to meet, but also destined to fall apart.
But I know you wouldn't. You still love him, don't you? He, your downfall
