What was my purpose of living again?
I sighed as I tried to search for an answer and only a blurred image of a young girl with a secret smile flashed at the back of my head. I knew she was someone important to me but I couldn’t fathom who she really was. I closed my eyes as I breathe in the same familiar air that I’d breathed in my two lifetimes. Yes, I am sane enough to say that I’d lived two lives before. And at this very moment, I’m living my last life and the last of my existence as well. After this, there’d be no chance of living again.
I took a glimpse of my surrounding and the beatific view of grassland came to view. It was relaxing with its youthful color of green. I looked at my wrist watch and the hands pointed at five. I still had ample time to ponder and so I heavily breathed as the memory of my last encounter with the old man relived in my mind.
“Here you are again. Aren’t you tired for living a life again just to look for someone that you are not so sure if she’s still living?”
“This will be the last life I will have and I’ll take all the chance to search for her.”
“Even if it means no chance of going to heaven after all of this, you’ll still choose to live?” His eyes grew bigger, giving me a clearer view of his dark blue eyes.
His question struck me. Am I ready to face the consequences of my decisions? If I chose to live, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy heaven. No matter how good I am, I wouldn’t be able to stay there. My existence would be eradicated and there’d be no chance for me to live again. I would be a dust in the wind, totally forgotten, inexistent.
But I have to find someone.
I swallowed a lump and nervously looked at the old man who’d been guarding the secret door. He had a lanky look of an old man in gray clothes.
“Yes, I’ll choose to reincarnate even if it means no turning back, no heaven, no life after this.”
“Well then brave man, suite yourself but I am warning you, you might dread your ending.” He gave me a chagrin smile and blink few times until his blue eyes changed into a silver one. He looked straight into my eyes before he spoke those two words.
“Bon voyage.”
That was all I could remember from my trek in the purgatory. After that incident, I was able to live again. I was born in a small town and was raised by a kind-hearted couple. When I reached the legal age, I lived independently and up to this moment, I am living in solitude.
A lot of people believed that purgatory was a place where souls from dead persons stay. They say that they are the ones who did not deserve the amenities heaven could offer. It was a place of suffering and punishments until they’d underwent everything they needed to qualify in heaven.
But no one could prove it unless they’re at the brink of their deaths. It was a wrong belief because only the ones who died while their third eyes opened could find the door to the purgatory. Normal people who didn’t have the sixth sense which was the third eye couldn’t find the hidden door. And it wasn’t suffering that awaited the souls. It was a chance of living again, a reincarnation. It was a hope for the souls who needed to continue their unfinished business. And in my case, I’d died twice.
If I wasn’t mistaken, my first two lives were useless because if I was successful, I wouldn’t be here trying to live a life of a single old hag. I could have been in heaven now but here I am, sitting on a bench under a tree, trying to remember the sole purpose of my existence.
I gritted my teeth out of desperation. I was such a fool for underestimating things. Maybe if I’d written a journal on my past lives, this would be easier. Being able to live thrice comes with miseries. When you live, a lot of memories will be piled in your head but when you ‘live again’ after a death, it would be a different scenario. Your mind would be reformatted as well.
