Positive?!

[39]

Jackson:

We were laying in my bed, a small distance between us, both of us facing the white ceiling and none of us spoke a word. The only but very quiet thing which was audible was our calm breathing.

Mark had come here some minutes ago. A shy knock had woken me up from my light sleep and I had been more than surprised when I had seen that it was my new roommate who had stood there.

He had looked so small and lost although he was actually a little bit taller than me. It had confused me when he had asked if he had been allowed to stay in my room for tonight.

I had hesitated at first but decided that my bed was big enough for the both of us and it had really looked like he needed some company. Maybe he couldn't sleep because everything here was new to him.

I looked over to him a few times. He laid there in complete silence and the fabric of his dark shirt outlined his growing baby belly on which I had to look again and again without even noticing it.

"I know you might think that this is easy for me but it isn't." I flinched a bit when his calm voice broke the silence in the room. My eyes left his belly and I slowly looked up to his face.

"What?" I asked a little bit confused because I didn't really know what exactly he tried to tell me now. "The pregnancy. I know you think I want things to be like this. But I don't." He said.

"When I found out that I'm pregnant, I've cried for hours. I didn't know what to do and all I wanted was to have an abortion." The way he spoke now made me afraid of what he was going to tell me.

"I've seen the baby on the ultrasound and in that moment I started to love it with all my heart. But I knew you wouldn't want it and I didn't want to bother you. So I made an appointment for the abortion."

I gulped a bit when I heard that his voice became shaky and I feared that he would start to cry now. People who were crying needed comfort and I was absolutely not good in comforting anyone.

"What changed your decision?" I asked quietly. He turned his head to me and smiled a bit. "Namjoon. Well, not exactly actually. I wanted to keep the baby but I felt that I had to abort it for you. Because you wouldn't want it and I thought I owed you."

"I talked to Namjoon and he said that I shouldn't blame the baby for the mistakes we've made. And it seemed like I needed to here this to realize that it didn't matter what others wanted."

"If I wanted my baby, I should keep it even if I wasn't happy about you being the father, about you not caring and about all the other people who would judge. It's my baby and I want to have it." He told me with glassy eyes.

I nodded a bit. I wasn't surprised that he wasn't happy about me being the father and honestly, I hadn't been too happy either. I had accepted it now. And he was right. He shouldn't care about other people's thoughts. And also not about mine.

"I know you don't want that baby, you've shown it very clearly. And I feel so sorry to bother you but I can't give it away. It won't be easy and I know that but I love it so so much." The elder sobbed.

"Mark I..." I started but he interrupted me. "You don't have to be sorry, Jackson. It's ok." He said while more and more tears were leaving his eyes. I turned around a bit and slowly pulled him closer.

"But I am sorry Mark. I really am. I wasn't allowed to treat you so badly no matter what I thought about the baby. You didn't deserve this and I hope you know that I'm truly sorry." I said seriously.

Mark nodded. "I know you're sorry and I've forgiven you long ago. You're not a bad person. You're just afraid and believe me, I'm just as afraid as you." He smiled softly and brushed the tears away.

"Yeah, I'm afraid. I can't promise I'll be a good dad but I promise to treat you better." I meant it completely honest. The elder placed his hand on my bare arm and smiled. "We're doing this together." He said.

After this there was a little moment of silence. I felt relieved that I wasn't the only one who was afraid and that we were going to do this together. Again my gaze wandered to his belly and this time it made me smile a little.

"Does it already have a heartbeat?" I asked him quietly and hoped he wouldn't laugh at me. Maybe he thought that I was stupid because I was about to be a father and didn't know when the heart started beating.

Surprisingly he didn't laugh. Instead he nodded. "It has. A strong and healthy heartbeat." He smiled lovingly and stroked his belly. I watched his hand slowly moving over the bump under his shirt.

It was a very cute picture to look at and I suddenly wondered how it felt to touch his belly. Would it be warm? Would the baby move? I quickly shook my head and tried to forget about this for now.

Mark and I had gotten a bit closer during the last time but I was pretty sure that touching his belly was a bit too much for now. Of course, I was the father but it was Mark's decision if I was allowed to.

"Mark?" The older male looked at me to show me that he was listening. "Can I... you know?" I made a small gesture to his belly and he understood what I meant and nodded in response.

I slowly placed my hand on his belly and softly stroked over it. It felt weird but it also felt good. I smiled a bit and looked up to Mark who was watching my hand before I looked on his belly again.

None of us said a word and the both of us enjoyed the silence which was surprisingly comfortable. A soft smile was placed on my lips while I kept on stroking his belly until Mark fell asleep.

I placed the blanket over me and him before I closed my eyes. I hadn't even noticed how tired I had been and I was very happy that I could finally sleep a bit. My hand laid on its place and I finally drifted in a deep sleep.

—

I didn't even remember that this chapter was so fluffy. But it's actually pretty cute.

I also wrote a longer explanation why Mark chose to keep his baby.

Some people have told me that it seemed like Namjoon was trying to make him feel guilty and I kind of understand that it might come of like that so I chose to make Mark's answer here longer and explain that Namjoon just gave him a push in the "right" direction.

Mark wanted his baby but he was sure that an abortion would be the right thing to do because Jackson wouldn't want the baby. And Namjoon convinced him that Jackson and his opinion are not important for this decision.

I might go back to the original chapter and edit or extend that part again because my choice of words wasn't the best and probably gave off a wrong opinion about Namjoon (and possibly about me).

So yeah, I hope I could clear out possible misunderstandings regarding this situation.

I hope you like this chapter :)

Thank you for reading 💙