Positive?!

[77]

Jackson:

I took a deep breath before I finally decided to speak up. "Look, I know you always tell me that I don't have to be sorry for anything. But I am and I want you to know that." I slowly began. Mark nodded a bit.

There were a lot of things I wanted to say. First, I wanted to tell him that I was sorry for my behavior during the past years and months but I also wanted to tell him how I felt about all this. I wanted him to understand me.

"I have done a lot of bad things in the past and I'm not proud of them. It was wrong that I bullied you for years because you've never done anything to me. I just needed something to let my anger out and you just happened to be there."

"You didn't deserve this. You're a good guy and I enjoy being your friend. I know you're trying to forget about the past for the baby but I still want to tell you that I am very sorry about his." I told him.

Mark placed his hand on my arm and gave me a small smile. I didn't expect him to say that he forgave me because I knew that years of bullying couldn't be forgiven that fast but we were on a very good way.

"And I also wanted to say sorry for the past months. Jinyoung told me that the things I said and did were paradox and I have to admit that he was kinda right. I did some senseless things but I didn't mean to confuse you."

Mark looked at me for a moment. "I'm not mad at you because of that." He told me. "I know. But I still want to tell you how I feel in this situation. Maybe you can understand my actions then." I said and leaned back.

"I've been a swimmer for my whole life. It all started when I was four years old and at first it was just a hobby and later my passion. And after some time I discovered swimming as an actual sport."

"I've told my parents that I would like to try swimming as a real sport and they allowed me to join a swimming team. It was the best decision I've ever made. I've learned a lot of techniques and prepared for my first competitions."

"At first, I didn't even win anything but I got better with every time and at my fifth competition I finally won the first time. That was the moment when I knew that swimming is what I want to do in my life."

"I want to become a professional swimmer and earn money with something that makes me feel happy and free. I've joined the school's swimming team to improve my skills and I've also chosen the university I want to study at."

"But suddenly you came up and told me about your pregnancy. I was so angry in that moment. Not at you but at myself. I had worked so much for my dream and then it looked like I had to give it up because I forgot to use a condom."

"Please don't get me wrong, I love our baby. I'm actually happy that she's there. But during that time I was so afraid that I would have to give up my dream because of her and I didn't want to accept that."

"But I also knew that I had to take my responsibility and that's why I came up to you and wanted to be there for the baby. I didn't want her to grow up with fighting parents or even without a father."

"I've wanted to support her as good as I can and I know that I should actually get a part-time job instead of spending my time with swimming but it isn't that easy. I can't just give everything up."

"I've worked my whole life because I want to be a professional swimmer. I'm not ready to give this up but I thought I had to. Everything went so well and then you came up and told me that you were pregnant and wanted to keep it."

"I was so overwhelmed in that moment and I didn't know what to do. During that time I was so angry that you decided to keep her without thinking of me but now I'm really impressed."

"Most of the teens at our age would have had an abortion or give the baby away and that's totally ok but you are so strong and want to raise her by yourself. And of course, with my help. She has so much luck with you as her father."

"I want you to know that she has never been a burden to me and I've also never hated her. At first, it kinda felt like that but actually I'm happy that she exists and I love her with all my heart."

"I didn't mean to say anything bad or mean about her. But unluckily, I tend to say stupid things when I feel overwhelmed and just want the people to leave me alone and that happened a lot."

"My mom pressures me the most. She tells me I have to forget about swimming and get a proper job and be a good father but I neither can give up swimming nor guarantee that I'll be an ideal father."

"But I can promise that I will give my best to support you and her properly. I might not be the perfect dad but I will definitely try to be a good one no matter how hard the times will be." I told him.

Mark smiled at me and grabbed my hand. "Thank you so much for saying this. I've felt very bad because I thought I would force you to do something and I feel so relieved now." He said.

"Before today I didn't know how you feel but I'm happy that you told me because now I can understand why you've said or done some things. It's good to know that you trust me as much as I trust you." He continued.

The elder softly squeezed my hand. "And Jackson, I would never want you to give up on your dream. You've worked so much on it and I will help you to manage swimming and the baby." He said smiling.

I nodded and he slowly pulled his hands away. "I guess I have to look for another university then." I said with a slight smile. It was better if I stayed here instead of moving to the other end of the country.

"Maybe but you still have the swimming program in the summer holidays. You can make new experiences and learn a lot. And if you still want to study there after the program we will find a solution." He said.

I had to agree with him. The swim program would help me to learn new techniques and improve my skills as a swimmer. And later on, I could still think about everything and decide what I wanted.

We would see what the time brought. At the moment, I was just happy that I had finally told Mark about my feelings because of this situation and I was even more happy that he had reacted so understanding.

This conversation today had been an important step in our friendship. He had always shown me his trust and today I had shown him mine. It was important that we trusted each other because we had to work together.

Mark and I had definitely managed it to become friends, maybe even best friends. But we had become a team and we would accomplish the challenges of parenthood with each other's help.

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Thank you for reading ♡