Positive?!

[60]

Mark:

I felt a bit insecure when I entered the classroom on the first school day of the new year. There weren't many other students because I had made sure that I would arrive before the most of the others.

I had gotten used to all the insults and the stares but it still made me feel uncomfortable. Everyone probably thought that I was going to ruin my future. I was sure that I wanted my baby but I didn't know how that would end.

Jackson had promised to help me but he would have his own life in the future. He would marry and have children with his partner and I didn't know how he would think of me and our daughter then.

I sighed and shook my head to get those thoughts out of my mind. It was stupid to think about what could be in some years. There were other things I had to think about and one of them was the birth.

I hadn't thought about it a lot because I had to admit that I was afraid of giving birth. I would get a c-section but before that I had to go into labour and I had heard that the pain could be unbearable.

I leaned back and looked down on my table. It was so empty and silent in the classroom and I didn't like that. Actually, Youngjae was always here very early but today he wasn't. I felt so alone although I was just a bit too early. Hopefully, someone would come. No matter if a friend or not.

I looked out of the window and watched the students who were still standing outside, talking to their friends. I could even see Jackson's bright blonde hair in the crowd. A small smile appeared on my lips and I looked back on the table.

I had thought about me and Jackson a lot but I wasn't sure what I would do. Should I confess? Were my feelings really strong enough for a relationship with him? Would he even return my feelings?

All these questions made me insecure and unable to make a decision but maybe I just needed time to figure out if there was a small possible that Jackson liked me back. I didn't care if he did or not. I just wanted to know.

Footsteps interrupted my thoughts and I looked up and was pretty surprised when I saw a female figure in front of me. Her long hair was black and curly, she had dark brown eyes and high cheek bones.

"Hi Mark. I hope I'm not disturbing you." She said with a shy smile and shook my head. "No you aren't. Im actually glad that I'm not alone anymore." I admitted and gestured her to sit down next to me.

She did as I showed her and played with her hair. "You seemed like you were thinking about something. Do you want to talk?" The black-haired girl asked me hesitantly and I nodded slowly.

"I was thinking about a boy. I really like him but I don't know if he likes me too or if I should tell him." I explained and got a chocolate bar out of my bag. The whole situation was very frustrating.

"Are you talking about Jackson? I've seen you two during the last couple of weeks. He's your baby daddy right?" I nodded at her questions. It seemed like it was quiet obvious that I liked the father of my child.

"I really like him. He's actually pretty nice and he cares about me. But I don't know if he likes me too. I mean, he's bi but who knows if I'm his type. We're completely different." I took another bite from my chocolate.

"I can't tell you what to do. One of my friends had a crush on him and she also confessed to him but he rejected her pretty harsh. But with you he seems different and much softer. So maybe he likes you too." She said.

I thought about her words and maybe she was right. Jackson was really soft with me and maybe he liked me as I liked him. And even if he didn't, there wouldn't be a reason to be afraid of confessing.

He wouldn't be angry or mad at me so maybe it was worth a try. Well, not now in school but maybe later when we were at home. I wanted to wait for the right moment but I also didn't want to wait too long.

"I really hope you're right. Thank you for listening to me." I said with a smile which was returned. "Of course. You can always come to me when you need to talk." She answered and got up when her my seat neighbour arrived.

Youngjae sat down on his chair and looked at me with a happy smile. "Good morning. How are you today?" He asked me cheerfully and I couldn't stop myself from smiling at the younger boy.

"I'm actually pretty good. How about you?" I asked him back which was actually unnecessary because it was obvious that he felt good. "I'm absolutely great." The younger said and giggled.

I smiled at him and raised my eyebrows. It seemed like something made him extremely happy. "I was here earlier. I actually thought you would be here too." I said and played with my pen.

"I didn't plan to come later but Jaebum wanted to shower with me and I couldn't say no so we just..." Youngjae started to blush and I quickly interrupted him. "Ok ok. I think I get it." I said.

He laughed a bit and started to unpack his bag. I looked at my pen and thought about the right moment to confess. Actually there were no right moments for that but I wanted to find the best for me and him.

I had never confessed to someone before and I wondered how it would feel. Would I be nervous? Would I stutter? How would I react when he confessed to me too? Or when he rejected me?

My thoughts were running around. I was unsure about what to do now but I knew that I definitely had to do something. If I waited too long, it could be that I wouldn't have a chance anymore.

I shouldn't let my nervousness or fear take control over me and my actions. It was important to stay strong. I had to follow my heart and feelings because I knew I would regret it if I didn't.

Although I was pretty confused now, I was absolutely sure about what I had to do as soon as I could. It wouldn't be easy and no one knew how it would end but I had to do it before it was too late. I would confess to Jackson.

—

Happy new year!