Positive?!

[65]

Mark:

I looked down at the chocolate cookie in my hands and took a bite of it before I looked at the girl in front of me. She smiled at me and handed me a cup of hot chocolate which I took gratefully.

"Do want anything else?" Sana asked me with a friendly smile. I shook my head and returned the smile. "No, thank you." I answered her question and ate my cookie which was still a bit warm.

"My mom was pretty surprised when I told her that I'm inviting a friend over. She thinks I don't have any friends besides of Momo and Mina." She laughed a bit and sat down on her bed.

Sana had been the girl who had asked me about my feelings for Jackson once. We had become friends after some time. She was very kind and cared a lot about me and even about my princess.

She had also been there for me during the last time when everything between me and Jackson was slowly getting to normal again. We had finally managed to be close friends again just as before my confession.

"I actually didn't have many friends before the thing with Jackson. His friends kinda became mine when they took care of me back when he wasn't ready." I told her which made her giggle.

"I think most of the teen dads have problems with accepting their responsibility. Especially guys like Jackson who aren't used to care for others." She said and drank a bit of her juice.

I knew that Jackson could be pretty selfish sometimes. He mainly cared about the things that were good for himself. Luckily, he also had those moments when he showed that he cared about others.

"Maybe. But he really cares for our daughter so I think he could be a good father." I leaned back and thought about my previous sentence. I thought that Jackson could be a good dad. But was I sure? No.

He was very nice and he also cared a lot about her and even about me sometimes. But I also knew that he wanted to focus on his future without any distractions. He said his baby wouldn't distract him.

But I wasn't that sure. A baby needed a lot of affection and attention, no matter what time it was. And I partly doubted that he would come to my room during the nights just because my baby was crying.

And besides of that, Jackson was an extremely heavy sleeper. So it was probably better and especially easier if I took care of the baby at night. But who knew, maybe he would suprise me in the end.

"I've kinda expected that he would become a teen dad some day. But I didn't think that he would actually care about the child. So maybe that's a good sign." Sana smiled a bit and looked at me with her big brown eyes.

She definitely had a point. My opinion about Jackson had been pretty bad and I had had similiar thoughts about him. But he had showed me that he also had different sides and that he could be a really good guy.

Maybe it was better to wait until my daughter was born before I thought about if Jackson would be a good father and if he would help me in the end. It didn't even matter. I would never be alone.

"You're right. I should better think positive. I probably shouldn't think too much." I said and managed it to smile and my younger friend. She played with strands of her black hair and nodded a bit.

The dark-haired female laughed softly. "I slowly get the feeling that you're thinking too much in general. You should relax more. Let things happen like they do." She said which really reminded me of Jinyoung.

"You sound like Jinyoung. He also says things like that when I'm telling him about my worries." I chuckled a bit. She really reminded me of my best friend. Maybe that was the reason why I liked her so much.

"Jinyoung is this guy who's always with you, right? He seems nice." The younger girl said. I nodded to agree with her statement. Jinyoung was definitely nice. Actually, he was more than that.

"He really is. Jinyoung cares a lot about the people he loves. He's the reason why I haven't given up yet." I told her with a smile when I thought about the endless times my best friend was there for me.

"It's good to have friends like him. I'm pretty sure he helps you and Jackson a lot." Sana gave me another cookie which I ate slowly and looked down on my dark hoodie which wasn't even able to hide my belly anymore.

"Definitely. He does a lot." I answered and took some time to look back at some memories of the last months before I quickly went back to reality. I didn't want to zone out again. That wasn't polite.

I knew that she probably wouldn't mind. Sana was very kind and she tried to understand my situation although she knew that she would never be able to understand my situation completely.

"Have you already picked a name for her?" The younger suddenly asked me and I shook my head before I answered. "Not yet. Jackson and I have to talk about it. But I think it will an English name." I smiled a bit.

It was my wish that my daughter had an English name. I had an English name too and Jackson actually didn't use his Chinese birth name which his mother had secretly told me when we were cooking.

The only thing we had already planned was that my little girl would definitely get my last name. Jackson and I weren't married and I doubted that this would happen in the near future.

I mean, there was a small possibility that we would start dating in some years but no one could guarantee that it would happen or that it would last forever. So it was easier if she just had my last name for the beginning.

"No matter what her name will be, I'm sure it will be beautiful." Sana said cheerfully. I laughed a bit at her happy mood. She had the optimism I needed sometimes because I usually was pretty pessimistic.

"Sana? Do you have ice cream?" I asked her. She started to laugh because she probably knew that it had to something with my cravings. "Of course." The girl got up and left the room.

I patiently waited for my friend while I started to stroke my belly with a smile. My daughter started to kick me which nearly brought me to tears again. Just like every time before. I loved this feeling so much.

She didn't kick that often anymore. Only sometimes and mainly at night. On some days she kept me awake until deep in the night but I wouldn't want it to be different. Those were our moments.

I loved my little princess more and more by every day that passed and I couldn't wait to hold her in my arms and see her beautiful little face, kiss her baby cheeks and hold her tiny hand.

I really wondered what she would look like. Would she look like me? I knew that it would take some time before she would look like either of us but she would definitely be the most beautiful girl in the world.

—

I kinda hate life

Thank you for reading 🖤