Before it ends

6 months earlier..

My head was pressed against the car window. Tree's and houses sped by like butterflies, I didn't bother watching. The roads all looked the same to me, just another place to stay for a few months. No matter how many times I'd been told this was our 'fresh start' it all ended the same. The zips of suitcases and small mutters 'we have to go' and 'I'm sorry.'
A small smile sat on the lips of my mother, her blonde hair sat perfectly on her shoulders, but she slouched as if it weighed a ton. I knew she was anxious, I could tell by her incessant tapping- a nervous tick. My sister Emily sat beside me, her head lent to the left resting against the widow. Every strand of her hair was a dirty blonde colour. Not as clean or bright as my mums, more like my fathers. Exactly like my fathers. She wore her old track uniform, blue and yellow. Her earphones dangled from her right lobe, she swung her feet slowly. Always in her own world. I was a lot like my sister, she was impulsive and creative. Always seeming to spark alight in everyone's heart. I was the same,  at least that's how I used to be, it's been a while since that side of me has come out.

"We're soon there." My mom's voice sliced through my thoughts. It sounded put together, not shaky or coarse, but it was a charade. She was trying...

"And where exactly is there?"

"Our new home haven't you heard?" I shared a smile with Emily, she shook her head.

"For some reason that phrase seems oddly familiar."

"Oddly familiar or continuously repeated?"

"I suppose you're righ-"

"Enough." I wasn't sure if my mother was shouting or simply stating- but there was a waver in her tone that was not to be fought with. "You kids sit there joking and mimicking our attempts to start over, but I know you. You want this just as much as me. We moved out of state when it started. Then we moved again, for you, may I add. This is it, our last stop." I scoffed lightly, what a bunch of bull-

"Alright." Mum pulled up outside a two-story house. "This is us."
:::::::::

"Tie? " My mum asked whilst she scattered around Emily. We'd been here for the whole summer, but I assure you, not every morning was as hectic as this.

"Got it."
We all climbed into the car, it's leather brown interior sweating the smell of Febreeze. My sister got in after me iPod in hand, head phones on, her foot tapped violently to the beat. I didn't care much for rock, especially not Emily's.

The town we lived in was plain, all houses looked identical, 'no litter' signs were plastered everywhere and worst of all everybody knew everybody.

I looked out of the car, trying to concentrate on the patterned windows, all the swirls soon merged into one and the trees became green lashes on a canvas.

We got to St Jacksons sooner than expected. The school was one of those building that screamed money. It was silver and modern looking, renowned for the arts and surprisingly still seemed intimidating.

"This is the part where you get out of the car kids." Mum looked back at me and Emily.
"Yeah." I muttered. Both of us made our way to the front gate.
"You guys will be fine, just have a good day okay?" Mum started the car. "Oh, and don't forget to mingle. Love you." She shot us her sympathy smile and drove off. After moments of silence my sister finally spoke.
"We've got this little brother."
"What if they find-"
"They won't." She said it almost as if to convince herself. "It'll be our secret. This time it'll be different. Maybe you'll even go back to the boy you were before everything."
"What if I don't?"
"What?"
"What if I stay like this?"
"It doesn't matter. You're a Mont-" she stopped herself "you're my brother." A slight smile formed before she said the last three words. "Fuck everyone else." I nodded
"Fuck everyone else." And just like that- It all began.

I drifted throughout my classes- sit, listen, talk, bell, go. My last period came around quite quickly. The topic was the will to live. After a thorough class discussion, I was paired with Stanley, the class clown, when it came to our presentation I let him talk, trying not to seem annoyed by the continuous fits of laughter. Many people came up and gave the expected answers, "you can't lose the will to live and even if you do you shouldn't kill yourself'. " or "suicide is horrible and wrong" only one stood out.

"The will or reason to live should be something that builds from the very first breath you take. You live for your parents, for your siblings, for your distant family, for your friends and so on... Now imagine someone having none of that... I'd want them to pass on, to be happy. I see it all as a form of euthanasia. If you have nothing, I say go for it and that doesn't make me a monster, that makes me a realist. Because with this being said losing everything is very rare. You may feel like it's happened but it probably hasn't. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that only when you loose all that makes you happy, that makes you wanna smile. When you lose that one thing that allows you to fight another day, then and only then, is it acceptable to end a life completely. The only problem now is how you measure the amount lost. How do you know when you've truly lost everything?" The straight-faced girl walked from the front of the class, with everyone deeply in thought. I looked up at her and began to clap at a slow continuous pace. The rest of the class joined in and as she walked passed my table she smiled. The smile seemed practiced but you could tell that, for a split second, the glimmer she had was rare. Her eyes locked with mine and something inside of them I understood- confusion? deceit? I didn't know what it was, I didn't know why I was drawn to it, but it was all it took.

As she walked to the back of the classroom, her leather tie up boots clonked against the marble floor and her blue hair swung effortlessly.

I'd definitely remember her.

Once the lesson was finished, my curiosity took over. I waited after class until she came strolling out of school with a one strap backpack hanging on her shoulder.

"I saw your presentation" I said, striding beside her.

"So did 29 others." her cute smirk reminded me of my sisters, witty, with just a little bit of innocence behind everything she said.

"Yeah well I thought it was amazing."

"So did I." she retorted

"Ahh so your cocky?"

"Can't handle it?" she looked down as if she knew my answer.

"Who said I don't like cocky-"

"Who said I liked you-"

"Your cheeks" she stopped and stared "Your cheeks are red" I repeated. She smirked and looked down, swooping a piece of the ocean behind her ear.

"So I gotta go but can I get your-"

"Please don't say number." I smiled

"I was gonna say name" we laughed and in return she told me.

"Hayley, the names Hayley. And yours? "

"Wait for me and I'll tell you tomorrow." I smirked and walked away, leaving her smiling behind me.