Before it ends

Since I've been yours...

Hayley's perspective

Perfect. It'd been two months since I told Ryan. Two months since he'd kissed me under a lamppost in the freezing cold, two months since I'd said the three words I'd never said to a boy for the first time, and two whole months where he'd always been on my mind. Always.

"Hello. Earth to Hayley." I looked up to find Lea and Jordan staring at me expectantly. They sat, legs crossed, on my bed. It was Monday and the girls had come round after school. Ryan still went to Ashley's every Monday, although she did just get back from a holiday in her Germany so I guess I couldn't complain.

"God. You're thinking about Ryan aren't you?" Jordan rolled her eyes and then flipped a page in her magazine."When do you not think about him?"

"When she's thinking about Jake." Lea pipped in.

"Eww no. Jake is in the past." I told them.

"Yeah, right. Let's keep in mind that before Ryan, you said you love Jake."

"I told you that in confidence Lea."

"Confidence or not. You meant it." Jordan nodded with her sister.

"You know I never told him that."

"You still meant it."

"Whatever." I hate being wrong, but I was, in this case for the first time in forever, I guess my friends were right."

"He deserves to know."

"I know."

"You should tell Ryan he wasn't your first love."

"He is okay, I thought I was in love with Jake, I wasn't. It's noting compared to Ryan. He's nothing compare to Ryan."

"Then tell him that and tell him you're not a virg-"

"Just stop it Lea. Get a love life of your own and but out of mine. Jesus, stop being so pathetic." Lea didn't say anything, she just looked at me. Her eye contact didn't break, neither did mine.

"Fine." She finally looked down to her magazine.

After a moment of silence Jordan spoke up "So have you talked to him?" I shot her a glare that said 'tread carefully'

"I mean about his parents." She added.

"Yeah. I-umm- I don't know what's going on with him." I did know. I knew everything. He told me about the custody battle his mum was having, he told me that when his sister turned 18 she somehow got herself out of the deal. He told me that the battle was lasting longer than expected due to his 'resistance' and he told me that he was scared. He was so scared. I don't tell the girls that though. It wasn't their secret, I wouldn't do that to him.

"He got abused by his dad, no wonder he doesn't want to talk about whatever's happening at home. The only reason we know about the battle is because we heard Dan and Ryan talking at their lockers. We told you Hayley, I doubt he would've." Lea was talking again. Acting like she knew everything, acting like she understood. Hearing Ryan at the locker wasn't on purpose but everything she's heard from me afterwards was exactly what I wanted her to know. When she came to me about what she'd heard I acted like I never knew the news, it was easier that way. There was no pressure to tell Ryan's secret.

"I just can't believe he told you he loved you and you found out about his dad through me." Gloat much?

"Look I know talking burns calories but for the amount you need to loose this wouldn't be the exercise I'd recommend. So shutup." She deserved that one.

"How come you're never like this in front of Ryan, he changes you, you go back to my best friend. The girl before Jake and Vee. Then when he leaves and God forbid he's with Ashley you change back." Lea slammed her magazine shut. "Mum wants me and Jordan back early, I'll see you at lunch tomorrow. Maybe then you'll be the Hayley I actually like." And with that she left my room with her sister trailing behind her.

So not that much is different, I'm still a bitch and everyone still knows it.