Before it ends

"I like fast. Fast is good."

It's Wednesday, but no school today. I wake up at 10:00 and stumbled downstairs. I can smell pancakes. Not just any kind but the cinnamon ones Emily makes.
"Morning." I walk into the kitchen and see mum making some coffee. Emily's putting away her pancakes, they smell fresh.

"Morning Ry." She sits down and finishes the stack on the table.

"Morning darling." Mum looks up. Her cheeks are now blessed with colour and her eyes hold more life than when I last saw her. For about a week she's been very busy. Hardly home at times, always heading out when I'm heading home- but here she is. Dressed in a cream blouse and black skirt, standing in red bottom shoes.
"Guess what?" She turns to me. Her voice is different and she acts as if she had no memory of me turning away from her. I do the same.

"What?" I busy myself with fixing a plate of pancakes for breakfast.

"I got a job." I look at her " A proper job, with reasonable hours, not like in that old home. I get paid really good, and I'll have more time to spend with you guys." She looks at me then Emily then back to me. I look to my sister aswell. Judging by the furrow of confusion our faces share, she just heard the news with me.

"That's great mum." Emily still looks confused "but what is this job?"

"Oh. Well I'm a teacher, a drama teacher actually." Mum takes a sip of her coffee. "Oh not at your school so you can wipe that look of your face." Emily jumps from her seat and hugs mum. She looks happy, I'm happy, just confused aswell.

"You've never taught a day in your life." I say

"I know I think this will be a great experience for me."

"Mum I'm so proud of you." Emily hugs her again. "Oh I have a red lipstick that will go great with your outfit, it says sexy not stripper don't worry." She runs upstairs.

"You have little to no teaching experience. Mum, how the hell did you get this job?" She looks at me and sighs.

"Can't you just be happy for me Ryan?"

"I am. I really am." I allowed myself to smile. "I just- is it-" Is this somehow connected to my dad? How did you get that job mum? I don't trust you, me and Emily have always had to be the adults of the family, I can't just stop being the sane one? I want to be reckless mum, ordinary, wild- can I do that now? Is this for real, are you actually stepping up?

"Nothing." I don't say any of that. "I'm really happy for you mum. This is it our new beginning." I hug her. She hugs me back. I can tell she's smiling. I just wish- please mum, let this be for real. Don't go back to self pity, don't blame yourself. Come out of the rut he put you in. I want my mum back.
                       ******
Text message
                                                                         Hayley: Hey

Me: Hi
                                                                  Hayley: Long time no talk

Me: It's been a day... a long day...
                                                                    Hayley: What happened?

Me: Rather not...
                                                        Hayley: Okay. When you're ready...

Me: Are we still on for today?

Hayley: you remembered?

Me: Of course.. I never forget candy floss.
                                                             Hayley: I like the way you think

Me: Great minds
                                                              Hayley: So I was thinking you could meet my sister and maybe bring Dan along.

Me: What like a double date thing?
                                                                  Hayley: Great minds babe.x

Me: I'll see what he says,
but you know he's a bit of a player.
                                                                                    Hayley: Nothing a Rhys can't tame.

Me: If you say so...
                                                                                    Hayley: I do.

Me: I'm sure he'll be up for it.

Hayley: Great.

Me: Great.
Maybe great will be our always.x
                                                                                       Hayley: Don't ruin the moment Montgomery

Me: Okay. Whatever. Talk to you later.
                                                    Hayley: Don be angry.
Hayley: ....
Hayley: Babe?

Me: Sorry. I'm not angry, I'm texting Dan

Hayley: Oh okay great. Forget my grovelling.

Me: I can't babe. It was cute...
                                                    Hayley: ☺️ is babe our thing now...

Hayley: Are we one of those couples ?

Me: Don't ruin the moment Rhys, wait.... now we're a couple.
                                                    Hayley: Don't be like that. Please....We'll talk. I promise.x

Me:Okay... fine.

Hayley: Thank you... So is babe our thing???

Me: Ugh haven't you heard.
Labels are for the boring

Hayley: Touché. Montgomery 🤝

Me: So are you ready for the rides? 
Fast. Scary. All in.
Are you okay with that?

Hayley: I like fast. Fast is good.

Somehow I knew we weren't talking about the rides anymore. We were talking about us. About how things were going. Four words that wouldn't make sense to anyone else. Four words that meant nearly everything to us.

Fast.
Scary.
All in.