Before it ends

Somethings changing...

It was Tuesday morning and I'd gotten up, to my sisters loud stereo. I slept like a baby last night- despite not falling asleep to Hayley on the phone, or texting her before bed or even kissing her goodbye. But who was worried, not me. I definitely was not obsessing over which hormone fest pool party she attended and I definitely didn't want to lock her up in my room and swallow the key. No- I didn't want any of that. Like I said, I slept like a baby. Not a worry in my mind.

Please pick me up... My car's still at the party. This hangover is a killer.. see you soon? Xx love u.

I looked down at my phone lying on the sink. My toothbrush hung out of my mouth as I read the text. 

"Ryan. Are you decent?"
"Boxers." I replied
"Socks?"
"Check."
"Good." Emily opened the bathroom. "Because your feet are traumatic." I glared at her and left soon after.
By the time I was ready to leave, it was only 7:45.  I picked Dan up in my truck and headed to Hayley, her drive way was empty as I pulled up outside.
Hayley came rushing out 5 minutes later. She says good morning to the half asleep Dan in the back seat and gives me a small kiss.
"Thanks so much Ryan. God I needed this ride. The bus is always full of noisy babies."
"Where's you car again?"
"At the party." Her hands rest on her temples.
"So how'd you get home?"
"A friend."
"A friend-"
"Please I'm not in the mood to talk Ryan. Please." I nodded and that was the last we spoke for the whole car ride.
****
"I don't think we have any subjects together today."
"Nope."
"I should see you at lunch though, right?"
"Yep." I closed my locker and walked over to the biology lab. Hayley was holding my hand and walking beside me. For someone who wasn't in the mood to talk- She spoke a hell of a lot.
"Ryan?"
"Yep."
"Are you mad at me? What's with the one word answers?"
"Nope and nothing."
"Ryan." She moaned.
"Three words, I just gave you three words."
"Stop this, it feels distant."
"Okie dokie." She shot me a pointed look. I had to laugh now. "Yep and Okie dokie are two separate things."
"Ugh. Please." She turned to me outside my classroom.
"Look, every time you're distant I blow up. We end up fighting- but we didn't this time, because I didn't blow up."
"When was I-"
"If your cars at the party how'd you get home? Where'd you sleep? Why didn't you call me?" Silence. "My brain is coming up with the worst right now and instead of pushing you and leading to an argument, I'm trying not think of it. I'm trying not to think of you. Now if short replies are what I use to not tear apart this town in search of where you slept- then respect that." She even looked guilty. Her eyes were trained on mine and she nodded knowingly.
"You don't have to be cautious with me, just ask-"
"You always say this Hayley. Then one of us walks away-"
"But I mean it Ryan-" she goes to touch my arm but I pull away. Something's changed between us. Why did I just do that? It was like if she touched me everything would be alright, but I wanted to stay mad. She deserved it.
"Hayley this isn't all about you. Maybe I'm just as scared to hear your answer as you are to give it.
"Do you really think I'd-"
"I don't know." Then I said the first thing that popped into my head. "Who knows what you'll do Haze. I sure as hell don't." God, her face. It dropped completely. It's crazy how fast my intentions changed. This morning all I wanted was to make sure she was okay after yesterday. Now I wanted her to feel distant, disconnected. The same way I felt.

"I'll just see you at lunch Ryan."
"Sure." She didn't say goodbye, neither did I.