Before it ends

Missing you...

Its been three weeks and all we've done is fight.

Fight about who lied.

fight about being a liar.

fight about how rude the word liar is.

fight about not fighting.

fight about who fights the most when we're fighting.

But what we haven't discussed is what happened.
What she really did with Jake.
How much I love her.
How angry I am.
What we haven't discussed is how tired I am, tired of fighting. Tired of always being tired of fighting. Tired of forgiving her. I am so tired of loving this side of Hayley, I am so tired of shouting, I am so tired. Period.

Hayley: I'm outside.
Me: Why?
Hayley: Open the door Montgomery
Me: No.
Hayley: Fine.

I hear the door unlock from downstairs, not long after she burst into my bedroom.

"What do you want?"

"I miss you." Her eyes were puffy red and her hair a mess. Fighting the urge to hug her I crossed the room carefully and stood in front of her.

"Hayley what the fuck happened?"

"Nothing I just-" More tears stream down her face. "What happened to us Ryan?"

"You started keeping things from me." I  let my arm brush hers. I couldn't not touch her right now.

"I promise nothing happened with Jake . He just- we slept. He was trying to get you mad."

"Hayley we've had this argument. Why did you call him, why did you go to him? I just don't-"

"I was smashed, I was with Vee and everything was different. I wasn't the new Hayley. I just wasn't someone you would've been proud of."

Bullshit.

"What, and when I was on the phone blubbering to you about my dad's trial, do you think that was easy for me?"

"Ry-"

"No the point is we share. We show each other every side of ourselves." And I was right? What I was saying was true and I don't know why she couldn't see that.

"Ryan I don't know what to say-"

"Just listen to me." I cupped her cheeks in my hands and for the first time in ages I really touched her, I brought her lips to mine and I kissed her so deeply that I'm surprised I could control myself. I kissed her with three weeks worth of pain and anger.

It clicked.

Her hands went to my hair and for a second things were normal again.
Until I pulled away.
I watched her, her swollen lips, her glossy eyes. Beautiful.

"I'm only gonna ask you this once?" My voice came off cold, it had to be. I had to prepare for the worst. "What are you hiding from me Hayley?What the hell is it you don't want me to know?"
Her eyes searched mine and she stepped back.

"Hayley?"

Her eyes were glossy again and she shook her head fanatically.
"It's to do with Jake isn't it?"
No answer.
"What happened between you two?"
No eye contact.
"It was before me wasn't it?"
No touch.
"You were with him weren't you? Properly. He was your boyfriend, it was more serious than you told me wasn't it?"
Her eyes shot up to mine.
"It- we-" I suppressed a smile, she's going to tell me. It's all finally going to be over:

"I think we should take a break." And my heart tore.

"What?"

" I'm just not ready to-"

"Get out."

"What?" She almost looked confused, but I didn't stutter. The words were simple:

"Get the fuck out of my house. Leave the key downstairs."
Her hand went to touch it dangling around her neck.

"Wait Ryan." She stepped towards me and her palm shot to my arm.

"No!" I was shouting now. Angry. So angry I didn't want her near me. She hurt me. She really hurt me.

"Don't you want to talk about it?"

"Talk about it?" I stepped closer until her back was against the door.

"Ry-"

"GET OUT!" My fist punched the wall behind  her. I don't think I've ever seen her so scared. Of me, she was scared of me.

"I'm sorry." Were the last words I heard her say before she ran out, and it looked like she meant it, but how could she. How could that make sense, after everything?
How did anything make sense?
The worst part is, after she left I didn't cry, I didn't scream, I didn't understand. I just fell. I fell so hard for nothing.