Before it ends

On the way there....

I closed the door behind me and opened the gate. I tried to hurry so I could change, but I didn't really want to see my mum or my sister either. I didn't want to be in this stupid situation, again, where I'm walking on egg shells, again, because of my father, again. I didn't know how my family couldn't see the pattern.

I opened my front door and was greeted by silence. No shouting or hushed whispers. Silence. I went straight towards my room and swung open my wardrobe, grabbed a black V-neck t-shirt and dragged on dark denim jeans, my phone, wallet and keys.

"Stop." Small giggles came from downstairs, I wasn't exactly sure what it was but it sounded like my sister. I was surprised she wasn't still sulking.

15 minutes stranger x..

Hayley's name popped up on my screen again. Show time. I made my way downstairs and took $30 from my mother's purse. Not like she could get any more angry. I passed the living room and headed for the front door.

"Stop, my brother might come home."
What the fuck?!?
"I don't want to. Liam I don't want to. Li-" my body acted before my brain and within a second I was pinning some guy on to a wall. He looked taller than me, bigger than me, but I was angrier.
"She said to stop asshole."
"Who the fuck is this your boyfriend?" The boy spoke to my sister behind me, and all I could think was: He spoke to her when he shouldn't have. I threw him on the floor and began punching. There was no aim, and I didn't even know how angry I was until I stopped , until my knuckle split, until I saw his face.
Blood ran from his nose and he could barely open his left eye. He was gripping his stomach whilst he spat out blood beside him. That was it, that was all I could see.

"Oh my God Ryan." I finally started to make sense of my sisters shouts. "Oh my God. Are you okay? Ryan are you okay?" I nodded and stepped away from the boy.
Looking at him now he seemed a little older than my sister, he had blonde hair and green eyes. His body was limp, I'm sure he could have taken me though, if it was an expected fight I would've died. But it wasn't, I pounced on him. I exploited his weakness, that one brief moment where his attention was drawn to my sister. I used that against him. Just like he used to. Just like my father.
No.
I shook that dangerous thought out of my head.
"Ryan. Why on earth did you go so far? I was telling you to stop." My attention was now focused on my sister, but I was still angry. I was always angry.
"None of this would have happened if you didn't lead the poor guy on Hayley. I mean in a free house. What if I wasn't here? God you can be such a selfish bitch sometimes. I can't even leave the house without worrying about you. This happened last time, in LA when we moved away from dad and you went whoring around. Do you really want him back that much? God I thought that was over."
"Do not fucking lecture me Ryan. You're not allowed to. You have always been that guy. Everyone liked you, you've always had it easy, especially with girls. Mum and dad both new that but they said nothing. You wanna know why: you're a boy and I'm a girl."
"Whatever Hayley, I could handle myself. You can't. God what were you doing? If I had come back even a little later, he could of-"
"I know."
"If I saw his hands on you, if he had even got a little closer to what he was trying to do I would have killed him."
"I know."
Do you understand that Hayley? He'd be dead."
"I know. For fucksake Ry, I know." She ran her fingers through her hair and wiped away the escaping tears. "Just go and clean your knuckles." I looked down at the boy, he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. I nodded to my sisters request and ran my hand under the kitchen tap. It stung like a bitch. I tried to focus on the pain. Anything to distract myself from what I just did, from what I just became. Anything.

Hayley: I guess I'm picking you up. What's your door number again?

My phone buzzed in my pocket.

Me: 23

I walked out of the kitchen towards the front door.
"Where are you going?"
"Out."
"You're not gonna help me?"
"It's you shitty mess, Emily. Fix it. Clean up your own bullshit."
"God what would I do without my brother." Her sarcasm was clear.
"You mean what would he do without your brother." My hands clenched at my side.
"You know you are such an asshole." I didn't say anything to that. I couldn't trust the words that would come out. "I made a mistake Ryan. You act as if they're not normal. As if I'm not human. But you know who's not? You. You are so much more like Dad than you think. You not me Ryan. You not me and you know it." My fist loosened.

"Good luck with getting the blood out."

***
I waited on my curb for Hayley to arrive. She text me saying she was outside, obviously not.
I focused on keeping myself calm, it worked for a while. I knew that the party would help relieve some stress, and my knuckles weren't too obvious so no one would ask. I hoped.

Soon enough her music shook my street and she came to a stop in front of me.
"Get in M." I did as I was told, but could barely close the door before she was off again.
"Don't you care about my safety? I don't even have my seatbelt on."
"Style before safety Montgomery have I taught you nothing?" A small smile lay placed on her lips.
"Cocky remarks get you nowhere Hayley, have I taught you nothing?" I was already starting to feel better. She turned to me and smiled.
"Sounds roughly like what a wise scholar once said."
"Don't make assumptions, she wasn't that wise." That won a glare from Hayley and her attention was placed back on the road. There was silence in the car. It wasn't awkward silence. It was never awkward silence.
"So who's gonna be at this party then?" Her attention turned to me for a second and then her eyes flickered back to the road.
"I don't know? Everyone. Maybe even Dan. I mean Beth is going. You should have heard her bragging in Chem. Supposedly she's tammed the great Dan Carmichael. It's a hoax. Has to be."

"And what makes you think that?" She raised an eyebrow like I'd just asked the dumbest question in the history of asking questions.

"It's Dan. Dan doesn't need a bimbo. Trust me, he needs a girl to chase after for once. Someone that will put him in his place."

"You speak like you know my best friend better than me."

"Maybe I do." She sent my gaze with a challenging stare.

"It's cute you think so." She laughed.

"Who's making cocky remarks now?"

"The student has become the master." I bowed my head and put my hands together. She smiled at this and rolled her eyes.

God her smile.

"When will you ever admit you find me fucking hilarious?"

"When I actually find you fucking hilarious?"  

"When will you admit that I'm absolutely your type?" I immediately waited for the answer.

She turned to me "When I know you won't break me." The mood wasn't so light anymore, I didn't see any trace of amusement in her sentence. I didn't reply with any either.

"Well by then end of the year, I'll make sure there is not a single ounce of doubt in your mind."  She rolled her eyes "I mean it." My hand brushed a piece of hair behind her ear, and suddenly I couldn't stop looking at her. "I mean it." Her chest raised and her tongue went out to swipe her lips before she spoke,

"I know." She nodded and we continued driving in silence.