Before it ends

Questions, Questions...

My head rested on Ryan's chest, his hands were playing with my hair. I was dressed in my shirt and underwear.
"Who the hell would have thought I'd be here a couple months ago?"
"Hmm.. well you seemed pretty confident when I first met you. Like you had everything figured out." I remembered the first time we met so clearly, he was persistent I'll give him that.
"Yeah well it helped get the girl didn't it? I guess confident was just your type." This made me think of Jake, of how we were, of how me and Ryan are. They're so different, with Jake it was a race, nothing felt natural. It was all about thinking it was normal, never feeling normal. It was somehow always about pleasing him, with Ryan it's completely different. It's right.
"You don't regret us do you?" I broke the comfortable silence with one slicing question.
"What?" Ryan sat up and looked at me.
"Don't make me say it again Montgomery." I tried to smile, to lighten the mood, but this wasn't a light question. His answer meant everything.
"No, not at all. Don't ever think like that okay?" His conviction was so easily shown. "Why would you ask me that Hayley?"
"I-I-" I'm scared you'll leave when you find out the truth about me, I need to know how much you love me. I need to know your limit.
"I just wanted to know." His eyes searched mine in need for a better answer.
"Do you feel like you owe me? After what we just did, is that it? Because you don't. I did that because I wanted to, because I love touching you, kissing you. I did it because I wanted to. I want nothing in return."
I raised my eyebrow, well we both know that was a lie. He smiled slightly.
"Well of course I want something. There's not a minute that goes by where I don't want you, but only when your ready. You're a virgin, I get it." A pang of guilt hit my heart. A virgin, that's what he thought I was, that's what he was. He didn't think I'd had sex, he didn't think I was Jakes trash. He thought more of me.
"You know you talk about this like I'm the only virgin." He rubbed the back of his neck.
"Yeah, I mean I've never had sex, but I've done other stuff. It's not that I was a saint saving myself or anything. I just didn't have time."
"Nice." I rolled my eyes.
"You know what I mean." He retorted "it's not that big of a deal to me. As long as its with someone I trust, someone I really know. Some like you."
There it was again, the pang of guilt. He didn't know everything about me, he didn't know I wasn't a virgin, he didn't know I'd regretted Jake as soon as it happened. He didn't know I made a drunken mistake. He didn't know how scared I was for him to find out, and he didn't know how much I didn't want to wait anymore.
"Montgomery, I didn't want to be that girl okay? That waits and waits and waits. I know it's not going to be like in the romance books. It's going to be messy and awkward and painful, but it's also gonna be with the one guy in the world that has a poster of Karen from mean girls in his locker. The one guy I am 100% ready to do this with."
"You promise?"
"Yes." I gave him a chaste kiss.
"Now never mention the mean girls poster again, especially not to Dan." I laughed next to him.
"I mean it or the whole world will learn about your perry the platypus obsession."
"Whatever." I rolled my eyes and went to find my skirt. "He's awesome and you know it." Ryan laughed and shook his head lightly. I pulled on my skirt and tucked in my shirt. He didn't shy away from watching me do so, before groaning into his pillow. "When exactly are we gonna have sex? Sorry I think I missed it."
"Soon, I promise." My hands delved into his draw full of condoms. "Then maybe you'll get to use these." I held the box triumphantly in my hand.
"Oh. Large is it? Someone's feeling extra cocky."
"You just wait." He sat back in his bed watching me.
"Whatever, Montgomery you talk the talk-" His eyes held something mischievous in them. "What?" He got up and made his way towards me. "What?" His eyes were trained on to mine, almost as if he was hunting. "We don't have time for this. Come on, we need to pick Grace up form Dan's." This didn't seem to stop anything, not until he was right in front of me, face to face.
"Keep teasing me and I might just have to teach you a lesson." His voice was lightly laced with a sexy rasp.

Say something witty. Come on Hayley.
But no sound came out, not until he backed away.
"We'll see Montgomery." He was almost out the room when he stopped.
"Yes we will won't we. We'll see."