𝐰𝐝𝐰 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 & 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬

Dead➰Zach Herron

You Say You Can't Live Without Me.

So why aren't you dead yet?

Dead by Madison Beer

15 voicemails.

He stopped sending them a few weeks ago. 

I didn't want him to stop, while I was perfectly fine with the fact that I didn't have to hear his voice ever again. 

I liked listening to how sorry he was, to how he practically begged for me to come back. 

I was weak with him. 

I am strong without him.

It proves that I don't need him. 

He breathed slowly before speaking. 

"Y/N, I have absolutely no right to even contact you. You have absolutely all the rights to hate me." He took another deep breath, which meant something cliche and stupid was coming. "But I can't live without you."

The boy I loved so much turned away.

The lips that touched mind touched a different girl. 

I was sick of dealing with it. 

I was tired of crying about someone who didn't give a damn about me. 

I didn't like trying to save our relationship anymore. It was over, and it had been. I just hadn't seen it as clear as I can now. 

Debating on whether to listen to his last voicemail or not, which took me a day, I ended up in the yes side.

How though? How did I come to this. I shouldn't even have listened to the first one right away. 

I unlocked my phone, and stared at the voicemail that was from Zachie. I didn't change his contact name because I didn't dare to even touch anything that had anything to so with him.

I slowly clicked on it, preparing myself for what's to come. 

"Y/N."

It wasn't Zach.

It was Jonah.

"In case you can't tell, this is Jonah. The guys are with me right now." He sniffed a tiny bit. Was he crying?

"We're in the hospital actually. I was wondering if I should tell you this, but I decided you should know." He paused. "Voicemails are to be short, but this will probably be long. You might even stop listening right now." He chuckled to hide up the pain in his voice. 

Why was he crying?

"It's Zach." 

I cringed at hearing the name.

"Ever since you left the house, ever since you walked out the door, he fell on his knees, crying his little eyes out. He screamed, and cried, and cussed. He mumbled words, but we could hear them. We understood what he was saying."

"He was listing the things he loves about you."

"I know you thought he played you. This comes from me, the boys, and Zach. It was for a photo shoot, they were practicing positions, and he had to kiss a girls neck. It's weird, I know, and cliche, the whole fan thing. But it's true."

"Zach never hated you. He loved you so much. We found out how much when we found him on the floor a few mornings ago."

My heart was actually worrying about the one who hurt me.

"He eats, but barely. When we saw him, he was lying on the floor, eyes closed, silent. But we knew he was thinking about you."

"I can't describe what it's like here. The boys aren't really crying, if they were, they'd be as sad as they could be. Zach loves you so much, Y/N. Even if you don't love him, that's ok, I understand, we understand. But, he thinks about you nonstop. He didn't think about fans, family, us. He thinks about you"

"It's not that he didn't want to save your relationship. It's not that he hated it. In fact, he wanted to embrace it. He just didn't know how."

There was a long pause in the voicemail, which scared me a lot. I couldn't even hear Jonah breathing. I thought he was going to end it, until I heard him breathe once again. 

"I honestly don't know what to say. It's not that easy."

"I don't really know if you want to know. I know part of you cares, maybe not all of you, but a small piece does."

"I'm going to tell you. You might not come, but you could. And I'm doing this for the sake of Zach, because he needs you."

"Zach tried to kill himself this morning." 

I didn't gasp. I didn't cry. I didn't do anything except sit there in shock. 

Zach wouldn't kill himself for me. 

Would he?

"Crazy thing is, he almost did. Corbyn saved him though. Put pressure on the cuts to stop them from bleeding. Jack called 911. I helped Corbyn. Daniel did everything he could to get Zach breathing."

"He wasn't breathing Y/N. His lungs, his body, had stopped working. It didn't shutdown, just paused, but for a long time."

It paused for you I thought. 

"I hope you don't listen to this too late. You know, like a month later. He still hasn't woken up. We don't plan on him doing that anytime soon. I hope he makes it. But that's all you can do in these situations. Hope. You can all you want, but it might not happen."

"I hope to see you soon. We miss you very much, just know that. Also know that Zach misses you more than we do. Obvisiouly. So, um, bye. Love you."

I sat there. Yes, I was on the verge of tears, but I wouldn't let them spill.

Zach doesn't like crying.

Of course I wasn't mad at him anymore. Jonah had explained it all, and now my baby boy is suicidal. 

I actually looked at Zach's contact. 

I looked at the number I haven't called in so long.

I clicked it. 

And I heard those dial tones I haven't heard in a long time.

He picked up.

But it wasn't Zach again. It was Daniel. 

"Hello?"

"Daniel? Can I talk to Zach please?" I paused to hear his response.

"Um, I'm sorry, Y/N. Zach's not here right now."

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I promise there will be a part two. Sorry if it was too sad.