𝐰𝐝𝐰 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 & 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬

If I Believe You➰Daniel Seavey

If I'm lost,
Then how do I find myself?

If I Believe You by The 1975

You rubbed your hand through the space of your nose and your eyes, showing that you were exhausted from all the work. You sighed, and started shaking, the tears instantly pouring out. You had the door shut, everybody was downstairs, knowing what had happened had truly ruined you.

Of course it ruined you, why wouldn't it?

What mother can live with the fact that her child is dead?

You and your husband opened the glass doors and walked into the cold children's hospital waiting room. You walked to the from as he sat down and checked yourselves in.

You waited for a while until a lady in a pink nurse outfit opened a door for you, saying "Y/N and Daniel Seavey."

You stood up with him by your side, and he took your hand in his, giving you all the strength he had left. You squeezed his hand, trying not the break down in front of the other family members visiting.

You followed the lady down to her office, and she told you to wait for the doctor.

All you could remember was, "I'm, sorry but your little girl has stage 4 cancer. We predict about 4-5 months left. The treatment didn't work correctly, it didn't actually do anything at all".

4-5 months you had. That was it.

Then she would be gone.

Josie wasn't old.

She was only 10. She had only experienced 10 years of her life, half of it in a hospital bed, and then would have it taken away from her.

"Josie," you walked into the room, the bright eyes of your daughter greeting you. "I'm here."

"Mommy!" She smiled brightly. "Daddy!" Daniel walked into the room, hurt, but built up a strong wall for his kid.

"Happy birthday, baby." Daniel walked over and kissed her bald head, you doing the same.

"Thank you." She smiled as she put her drawing pencils down and her paper.

"What's that you're drawing there?" You asked her.

"It's little girl. She's holding a balloon, and the balloon is supposed to tell the observer that she's looking for a friend."  She held up the drawing,

It was detailed perfectly, the shadowing insanely well done. He only sad part was that the picture looked like her.

Josie never had any friends. She was always a weird person, but in a good way. Unfortunately,nobody but her parents and the rest of the band accepted her that way.

"Oh, baby, it's beautiful." You told her. You sat next to her on her hospital bed, and she hugged you possibly the longest she'll ever hug you.

You heard Daniel knock on your door. And you knew it was him because nobody else had the guts to face you.

"Y/N, baby," he started to open the door before seeing your miserable state. He sighed, turning himself miserable. His family was falling apart. His son was gone with a woman somewhere, and his beautiful daughter was, well, dead.

He fell next to you, wrapping his arms around your curled up body, holding your head in one hand, your heart in the other.

"Daniel," you started. You choked on your words. Maybe your mother has been right. Maybe it was just meant to be that you and Daniel weren't supposed to have children. It didn't work out. "Our baby is dead, our son is off in his life. Why? Why, why, why?" You repeated yourself with that one word.

"I don't know, Y/N, I just don't know."

You rushed so fast, you forgot to put shoes on.

Daniel started the car, driving as fast as he did the day Josie had been born.

You weren't crying because for some reason, you still had hope.

You had hope that your baby girl was still alive.

But by the time you walked into her room, you and Daniel knew that it was over for her. You weren't sad for yourselves, you were sad for Josie. She wouldn't even be able to drive. She wouldn't be able to celebrate 16 or 32 years of life.

You fell on your knees, holding your hair in your hands, pulling so hard it felt like it would come out. Just like Josie's hair.

You screamed and cried and did all the things Josie wouldn't want you doing. You looked at the floor of the room, and weirdly, it brought back a memory.

Josie's first steps.

At that time, how were you to know that five years later, your child would be diagnosed with cancer.

How were you to know that your son would run away two years later when he was only 15 years old.

Daniel rushed to your side, trying to get you to stop screaming, even though he was loud as well.

Daniel wasn't as strong as you thought he would be. He broke down too. He screamed too. And for some reason, while screw,Ingrid and crying, you still stared at the beautiful little girl in the bed that sat in front of you.

"How do I live with this, Daniel?" You questioned.

"I just don't know Y/N. And I don't think we'll ever know."