𝐰𝐝𝐰 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 & 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬

Honest➰Jonah Marais

But you're not the only one on my mind.

If I'm being honest.

Honest by The Chainsmokers

I silently hummed to the tune of the song playing on the radio, tapping my fingers against the stearing wheel in beat. I nodded my head, so deep in the song, not realizing where I was actually going.

Long days at work were my thing, but taking nice long drives, listening to music, it helped me calm down. My boyfriend doesn't mind how long I drive for, since he comes home much later than me.

I entered the driveway to see nobody home. I was okay with that, I'm used to it.

Jonah's rehearsals are super long, probably until 11:00. My shifts end at 8:00. I end up going to sleep around 9:00.

Even though I'm sound asleep, somewhere dreaming of dreams, I can still feel Jonah climb into our bed, and give me a light kiss. I can still hear him tell me "goodnight". 

Except for this night, which made it completely different.

I had done my routine; eat dinner, watch something on TV, do my nighttime routine, go to bed. 

The clock struck 11:45. He's never this late I thought.

I heard his keys jingle as he walked into our apartment, walking around weirdly. I heard him knock something over, mumbling and cussing to himself. 

It caused me to go downstairs to see my boyfriend smiling at me, obviously drunk. This upset me, because 2 years ago, Jonah promised me he would never drink or get drunk without telling me.

"Jonah?" I asked quietly.

"Hi Y/N/N." He smiled at me, showing me his teeth that I knew had alchohol all over them. "You still awake?"

"Um, well, yeah. You're home very late." He walked around and say on the couch, rubbing his eyes from being too tired. I walked over to him, and started to take his coat off. "I don't expect you to be hom exactly at 11:00, but basically at midnight? What happened?"

I could tell he was sorry for what he had done. He looked down in disappointment like a little boy has drawn all over the walls.

"Me and Daniel and Corbyn went to the bar tonight because we wanted to have fun." His eyelid slowly drifted down as he fell into sleep. There was no point in waking him up now.

I kissed his forehead, and told him goodnight. I out his coat in the closet, and went to bed. 

~~~~~

Where is he? 

This happened two weeks ago, it shouldn't happen again.

When I come to think of it, he never actually said sorry.

Tonight is our two year anniversary.

He was supposed to be home two hours ago.

I waited and waited and waited, and he is yet not home. 

What happened that night?

Ever since, something just happened, and I don't know what. 

It's not like I want to know.

We've been distant, he's been out. He started going to the bad more often, but I don't think it's with Daniel and Corbyn anymore. 

My expectations aren't high, I don't expect every single thing from him, but I do expect him to at least show up for a goddamn anniversary! 

I don't think we fell. No, I just think he never loved me as much as I loved him. 

Loved. 

As in past tense. We don't really love each other anymore. 

I heard the keys jingle against the door lock, attempting to open the door. 

He succeeded, and in came Jonah, but not drunk.

Instead, he was sad, mad, or disappointed, I couldn't tell.

"Jonah! Oh my god! What the hell, where were you?" I yelled. He only let his head hang mentally, I could see it. Physically, he looked my in the eyes, trying not to cry.

And I realized what had happened. 

"Y/N," he began. He knew that I knew it was coming. Only time could slow it down, and unfortunately, our friend time is dead. "Please do not hate me for these words. Please do not hate me for anything, even though you have all the rights in the world to."

I sat down on the couch, my head in my hands. 

I started crying, but I don't really know about what.

"What's she like?" I asked him quietly, but he could hear me.

"I can't really tell you Y/N."

"On a scale of 1 to 10, then." 

He hesitated and sighed. "10."

"What was I?"

He didn't want to answer, but he didn't have a choice. 

Of course, I was mad at him, but not as much as I should've been. I was fine with the fact that Jonah didn't love me. I've been broken before, so I guess I got used to it.

"Y/N, please-"

"No, Jonah. Answer the question. " I told him this sternly, making him fully understand that in his last few minutes in this house, I was charge.

"You were a 10, but sometimes, people just don't love that anymore," Jonah said, trying not to sound rude. "We're growing into people. We're figuring out who we are, and we are different people. We're changing, I'm changing, everything about us is changing. My love and what I love is changing. I used to love the person you are, but like I said, I've changed, and I just don't love you." He shut up once he realized how harsh that is to a girl. 

For the quick 60 seconds that races by so quickly, I remembered everything we'd been through. The tears -sad ones and happy-, the laughing, the yelling, that happiness and the sadness. 

The happiness stuck to my mind. 

I remembered us running through a corn maze, lost. I was actually scared, and Jonah told me it was ok.

I told myself that this was the right thing to say to him. 

He was ready, loving someone for god knows how long, he was ready. 

"Good, because Jack just asked me out on a date."

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I don't like how this turned out, sorry.