Things you've never had // Ed Sheeran

Bus' rooftop and talk

Hi there, dear readers! I did it again. :(
Even tho this chapter isn't about 2000 words long it's close enough.
So I am really sorry for that. :/
Anyways as always any kind of feedback is more than welcomed here.
Let me know what you think and enjoy this chapter! :)
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"Don't you wanna levitate instead?" Ed chuckled as he saw that I sat down as far away from him as possible.

"No." I mumbled, looking down on my criss crossed legs.

"So, what do you want to talk about? Will you tell me or is it a secret?" Ed said with a huge girn, he seemed highly amused by this situation.

"No, it's not a secret..." I rolled my eyes and started to nitpick my old shoes.

I swear I'm here only a minute and I already want to punch him again!

"Will you tell me then?" He raised his ginger eyebrows with the same amused smirk as always.

I took a deep breath and found his eyes in the darkness around us.

"That's it! You and your stupid ability to make everything seem better and lighter, you're running through the world and spray all around yourself rainbow and smiles and happiness and people really believe in it! They're happier thanks to you! And then after you make another person or animal or fucking tree happy you just walk away with a smile on your damned face and guitar in your hand! You don't want and don't take anything back! And that's it! I'm not used to it and I've never been used to it, and you made me happier than never before! But then you just left and took with you all I could gave you as if it ain't meant shit! So now I'm sitting here and trying to apologize and explain to you why am I such a messed and overreacting weirdo when it's not me who should apologize...!" I said through my clenched teeth, holding back a wave of tears, but to be fair today I've not been crying yet,  so it's a little victory.

After my speech there was just an endless silence between us, disturbed just by distand sounds from the highway.

Suddenly Ed cleaned his throat and criss crossed his legs before facing me, I couldn't see his face fully, just what blue neon lights from gas station we stopped at illuminated for me, which was just a contour of his face and shining eyes locked on me.

"First of all, you're not overreacting. It's just you, it's not overreacting when you're more sensitive than others and when you take things more personally.
And I just want you to know that I never ever thought that you'd be overreacting. You had all rights to act towards me the way you did, because of what did I do to you.. Last night you told me that I left you without any explanation, let me tell you now why did I do that.. That night Cherry came to your flat, and I swear I didn't had a clue she did it, she found our messages conversation and the morning after she visited you we had a fight because of me and you...us, she told me that I have to choose between you and her, and I made my choice... I believed that we can figure out how to make things good again with Cherry.. Even tho I knew it was hopeless it was still more than be alone... I made a bad choice and you completely didn't deserve it, and I won't be able to justify myself enough for the rest of my life. I just want you to know that I'm sorry and even tho you won't allow me to be part of your life once again, I still have you locked in my mind and I won't never forget how you changed my life... I know it sounds like a fucking clichè but that's just how I feel it.." He chuckled at the end of his speech as if he wanted to make this situation less serious and I was grateful for that.

I can't describe how I felt during his speech and then when we were sitting there in silence.
How can you describe that warm yet cold feeling in your stomach, squeezing your guts so hard yet so softly.
But one thing I knew for sure: For the first time since I met Ed again after a year I didn't want to cry and that's a good thing, isn't it?