Things you've never had // Ed Sheeran

A surprise

Hi there, dear readers! :) As you can see this is a new chapter. *surprise* And I hope you'll enjoy reading it.
Anyways leave me a comment and vote, please.
Remember: Anykind of feedback is more than welcomed here! :)
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It could be around midnight when I found myself on the stairs of our bus again, alone and enjoying the night around me as many nights before.

When I think about it it must seem like all we do is just smoking and wandering around, making stupid jokes and cuddling to people we shouldn't cuddle to.. And another thing, isn't it weird we didn't have problems with Ed's fans so far? I mean it's kinda weird no one attacked us with screaming and crying and so on since we moved from Paris, but the fact is we always know where to stop to avoid creepy fans... Where to stop? Haha... When we are talking about 'stopping' you wanna know what's new? Ed stopped talk to me, isn't it funny? He only barely left his bus since morning and when he did then he just pretended I don't exist at all.. That's fun.. Speaking of fun, you know what's fun? Matt. Yeah he still didn't bother himself with at least one message to let me know he's alright..
Oh god and here we are again...

I rolled my eyes over how pathetic shit I am when I realized I'm crying again.

A.G.A.I.N.

I've been crying my way through life as far as I remember and it's kinda annoying after some time.
It's kinda annoying being me.

I threw away a cigarette butt and pressed my face to my palms to avoid those annoying sounds of sobbing and yelping, because I hated to admire I really was that weak.
But as soon as I started to cry there wasn't any way to get through it than finish it.

Even tho my coworkers did everything they could to avoid me from overthinking shits, now, when they went for a pizza to not so far Pizzeria and I was left alone here, I couldn't help myself.
I felt like a worthless shit.
And the more I tried to stop acting like a kiddo the more I was acting like one.

When I realized it I almost threw a tantrum right on that stairs, but what it would be good for?

I took a look with my glassy eyes around myself to find out my crew is slowly and of course loudly coming back, they was far enough to not notice me yet, but still I didn't want to risk anything so as soon as I spotted them I entered the bus and threw myself on my bed in the back part of our bus, pretending I was asleep already.

***

The next morning I woke up as mentally exhausted as I went to bed last night.
The time to move our asses away from France came, which meant we all were standing outside of our buses to let guys from the border's guard to check it out there.
A lot of people were just standing and trying to rise up the sleepy morning mood with weak jokes and strong coffee.

And I? Even tho my crew did their best to save me from overthinking shits, there I was; standing and overthinking shits again, my mood was nothing but endless shitty ocean full of a guilt.
Guilt of leaving Matt here again.
It hurt.

"Here's your coffee, lady." Tim bowed down a little as he headed one of the cups in his hands to me.
Everyone laughed and even I had to let out a little chuckle.

"Thanks." I murmured and took that warm cup to one of my always cold hands as I lit up a cigarette with the other one.

My crew started to talk about stupid shits, just small talks nothing deep and I let myself slowly slip down to the memories of my past and I felt like I'll throw up immediately.
I was so disgusted with myself that I could only barely think about anything else.

It was a perfect day, one of the best days I remember.
The sun was shining and that warm weather was a time from the time disturbed by sudden gusts of wind.
And Matt with his friend were riding bikes all around Kaden neighborhood doing special tricks and training their skills.
While I was just sitting there, smiling like an idiot and watching my first crush ever, which wasn't anyone else but Matt's best friend- Kaden.

"We should teach Chloè how to ride a bike!" Matt barked suddenly with happy laughter when he jumped off of his bike.

"Yeah! Chloè do you wanna know how to ride a bike?" Kaden turned to me with his damned smile which was able to turn my world upside down in my poor 11 years.

"Um.." I muttered awkwardly as I stood up and took a few steps to them.

"Don't worry, it's not that hard. I'll keep you safe. OK?" Kaden smiled on me as he took a step back to let me sit on his bike, but still he was holding the seat just to make me feel safe.

"Okay, now place your feet here and start to roll with them and go go go go go!" Kaden pushed me with all the power he had while he was still holding that bike seat as he started to run behind me to still look after me.
I was so damn scared but then suddenly I found out I'm actually riding a bike.
But right in the moment I wanted to turn on guys and tell them I know how to ride a bike I fell down and hurt my knee a lot.
Matt with Kaden were there in less than a few seconds, ready to help me.

Kaden checked out the bike and Matt started to wipe off of my knee the blood and little rocks.

"C'mon Closhy, we've been walking through worse things than this, haven't we?" He smiled on me softly and he was so damn right...
*
I know I'm being overdramatic and so on, but.. I just wanted to say goodbye...

"Seems like Gingerhead has a new friend." Joy chuckled sarcastically and when I looked up at her with confused sight she just pointed to somewhere behind me to make me turn around.

And as soon as I did it my heart almost stopped beating.
When I spotted those blue eyes filled with roosty twinkles but with such an seriousness at the same time I suddenly couldn't hold that cup of coffee anymore, but even the sound of a breaking glass didn't make me look anywhere else than on the guy who came with Ed.
As if everything slowed down.

As if the world stopped rounding for a while.
Time freeze.

Even tho I couldn't believe my eyes it was him.
It was Matt, who slowly leaned against the car doors, crossed his arms on his chest and with a rooty smile watched my childish reaction.

Matt.

Of course I couldn't do anything else but yank like a little girls do and then it I sprinted towards him and jumped into his arms, crying and laughing at the same time.
And Matt was holding me a good one feet above the ground and with his loud laugh swinging with me in the air as if I was nothing but a doll.

My sight somehow managed it's way on Ed who was standing on the opposite side of the car, he crossed his arms on the car's roof and leaned his chin on them, he was watching us with a soft mischievous smile as a kid watching his favorite cartoon...