Things you've never had // Ed Sheeran

Finally New York

*3 months later*

Finally New York!

That was my first thought when I stepped out of the plane hoping no one will recognize me all the way to the taxi I called.

Obviously I was lucky because no one played attention to me unless I sat down in the Taxi.

I told the old grey-haired taxi driver the address and caught his very weird look just before he started up his car.

All the way to the destination my mind was literally blowing up under the pressure of thoughts and emotions.

I was so glad when the Tour was finally over and I could finally find Chloè and explain to her what an asshole I was.

After a long and most of the time very annoying week during which I was begging Joy to send me a new address of Chloè, I was finally in New York ready to win her over once again.

You know you wouldn't lose her if you weren't a douchebag, don't you?

A sweet sarcastic voice in my head reminded me once again what a dick I am but this time I decided to ignore it and instead of it I tried to pull myself together because if I should be honest, I had no freakin' idea what should I tell her once I'll see her.

"Aren't you Ed Sheeran?" The taxi driver asked me, giving me a weird look once again through the driver's mirror, obviously there was no need to pay attention to traffic, even tho anyone else who wasn't a taxi driver would kill himself and all his passengers if he did something so stupid like this one.

"Yes, I am." I smiled politely, but deep inside of me I was freaked out I won't survive this journey and I'll die without at least one last look into Chloè's beautiful eyes.

"Cool. I have a daughter, Camila, she's a big fan of yours." He smiled on me, his eyes still locked on my face through the driver's mirror.

Holy fuck he's gonna kill us!

"That's nice. Do you want an autograph for her?" I asked, raising my eyebrows as I tested the seatbell once again, just in case it would unlock and I would fucking die!

"That would be awesome!" He laughed out loud and finally stopped the car, after I gave him money and the autograph for his daughter I finally found myself on the walk side in front of a very beautiful Bookstore.

A few years ago when I hadn't known Chloè yet I would pay no attention to it, but a sweet memory of her passing out in the Bookstore a year ago made me stop and take a look inside thought the window.

Bloody hell! It can't be truth!!

I blinked a few times to see if it wasn't dream but really; she was there.
Chloè was inside that Bookstore.
Smiling and even more beautiful than the last time I saw her.
She was there.

I froze in the middle of the move and all I was able to do was staring at her as she was standing there insimple white tshirt and messy bun on her head, she was reading a book and smiling the cutest way.

After a couple of minutes I finally 'woke-up' and with a happy chuckle I decided to go in but something stopped me, somehow I wasn't brave enough to grabthe door button and enter the Bookstore.

Fuck..

****

After 5 beers and a couple of hours later I found myself lost and broken in the night's streets of New York, desperately calling her name.
On repeat for hundred times.
I saw how people around me were giving me weird looks, as if I was crazy and maybe I really was.

"Chloè!!" I screamed again and slipped on some trash from nearby trashcan someone destroyed totally, which leaded to my own personal fuck up when I ended up on the dirty sidewalk, people passing by me and giving me those looks to let me know they are way better than me.

I hate when they stare like this. All my bloody life people stare at me this way!!

This thought reminded me of Chloè once again, about how she had never treated me like a shit or God.
She had been just herself all the time.

Suddenly one of the door of nearby house opened and an angel faced me.

"Ed! Did you lost your mind?!" The angel snapped at me angrily as she cuddled more into her too big hoodie.

I tried to take a look into her beautiful big green eyes, but it was harder than I'd think because if I have to remind it; I was drunk as hell.

When she touched me and helped me to get me on my feet that familiar feeling almost broke my ribs right away.

"Chloè.." I whispered as I touched her face slightly.

"Ed.." She whispered back the same soft way as you use just for the really loved ones and I felt the chance in that word.

"I love you so much! I know I was an asshole again and I don't think you will ever forgive me but just give me a chance and I'll spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you and how amazing you are." I said as quickly as possible and yes I know how needy it must sound, but that didn't matter.
Of course I didn't say it exactly this way, because I was drunk, but I think she understood.

"Ed, look, I sta-" She tried to speak but I interuped her because I didn't tell her everything about us.

"No! Listen, I know you may be confused, I am confused too and I know I screwed up, I don't know where's this going but I want you to know that it doesn't matter if you'll let me be in your life for a couple of days or for the rest of your life, it will mean a world to me!" I came closer to her during my speech and now we were practically one body as she was staring into my eyes, hers were big and glassy, but full of endless love nothing in the world could destroy.

I don't deserve her...

After a couple of seconds she obviously realized what were we doing because she took a step back and when she looked back at me there was no emotion in her face.

"Ed.. I am engaged." She whispered as she looked down on her big black boots.