Things you've never had // Ed Sheeran

Leaving

Hi there, dear readers! First of all I want to apologize for not updating for a little while and also I want to apologize for this chapter, if it's not what you expected; I am really sorry.
But a lot of things happened since the last chapter and I'm not in the state to write it the way I want it.
Anyway leave me some votes and comments if you want to.
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Are you sure you don't want to change your mind?

I smiled a little when I read that message from Joy, it was nice to know she cares about me that much, she even wanted to go with me, but I couldn't let this happen, she will need her job.
Because if she and Matt is getting married they will need a lot of money.

"Miss, shut your phone down, please." A stewardess smiled on me warmly and gave me a lollipop as she gave it to all children.

I was surprised she gave one to me too, because I wasn't a child anymore, but my red and tired eyes or that sad vibe spreading all over me may give her a sign that lollipop would rise up my mood.

Sweet...

So here I am, on the plane, tired and broken as always, on my way home.
Without Ed.
Without my crew.
Without job.
And how did this happen?
Well...

***

"I.. I need time." Ed breathed out as he looked up to meet my eyes.

I took a deep breath in purpose to calm down and see things from Ed's point of view.
It helped.

"Of course.. How much?" I asked stupidly, but it was all I was able to say.

Ed smiled unhappily as he looked back  down on his shoes.

"How much?" I repeated myself, louder this time to make him answer.

"I don't know..." He a half whispered, his eyes never leaving the ground.

"Do you wanna be with me?" I asked the last question, it was the one which tells you whether it's worth it.
And say I didn't expect it would be stupid, I did.

Ed looked up once again to meet my eyes, and he didn't even have to say something, after a couple of seconds I saw in his eyes the whole truth; he doesn't want to be with me.

I blinked a few times in purpose to wave away those stupid tears, but it was stronger than me so the only thing I could do was run away.
And I did it.

I left Ed there and ran to our bus to pack up all my things, I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do, but I knew for sure I didn't want to be there a minute longer.
I remember someone talking to me and trying to find out what happened but I wasn't able to answer.

"Matt, will you take me to the airport?" I asked quietly after I packed up my things.
And of course my brother didn't bailed on me, without a word he stood up and headed to his car which was still traveling with us.

Even tho my crew did everything to stop me a half hour later I was at the airport, saying goodbye to Matt, who didn't ask a question, because he knew already and he respected my inability to talk about it.

Also I remember I was crying all the way to the airport just like a stupid mess, which definitely is what exactly I am.

"Take care of yourself, Chloshy." Matt whispered to my hair with his quick French as he hugged me tightly.

I only nodded and pulled myself away from him, because I didn't want to cry again.

Last look at him before I went to catch my plane was something I'll remember for the rest of my life; I'm sure he felt the same pain as I did in that moment, and as always he didn't say a word or didn't express a single emotion to protect me, because one of us had to be strong.

Before I sat down in the plane I already had 5 unaccepted calls from Joy, 1 from Jeremiah and 3 messages from Stu, but not a single message from Ed.

How unexpected...

***

When I finally made it home and after I went to take back Bacon from our neighbor I lay down on the couch in our living room and cried my soul out as a hundred times before.

Why?! It all seemed so perfect for a while.... But what did I expect ? ... I mean I destroyed Cherry's life and Karma works preciously... I have to deal with it.. Even tho I'll never see those blue loving eyes again it's time to move on..
Only if it didn't hurt so much...

Suddenly I heard a door bell, which surprised me more than anything, I mean I wasn't expecting anyone to come for a visit.

So when I opened the door and saw our neighbor there with a pie in her old hands and mother's smile on her face I was more than surprised.

"Hi sweetheart, you seemed like you would like a piece of pie." She smiled on me just as mothers and old grannies do and I?
Well, I was trying to hold back tears.

After I invited her to our flat and made a cup of tea for her we spent a few hours talking about this and that just basic stuffs, but then it happened..

"He didn't deserve you at all, Sweetheart." She said as another mother-smile ran across her old kind face.

I wasn't even able to open my mouth and say something I was shocked, totally terrified by her and how tf did she find out.

"There will be a lot of boys like him and you'll end up crying a hundred times.. But there are also men and they know how to treat a girl like a lady.. My last husband, Frederic, may God be with him, was the love of my life.. And he knew it. Of course he did. And he would wake up every morning before I woke up and go to the closest store for flowers and my favorite croissants... He really was an angel. But it was a long hard life before I met him, I was 67 when we had our first date.." She chuckled and blushed a little as her mind flow away to the memories of her dead husband.

I was awkwardly sitting there and sipping my cold coffee for a couple minutes before she spoke up again, this time a half way out of our flat.

"I guarantee to you that one day you will meet a man who will know how to treat you like a lady." She smiled on me again before I closed the door behind her.

After that I lost it.
I fell down on the floor, crying and screaming into that amazing carpet Joy bought just a month ago and I didn't give a shit about it because it wasn't until I closed the door behind the old lady when I realized I lost the only person I had ever loved.

Well, fuck...

I don't really know how should I describe my feelings, but I'm pretty sure all of us have at least once in their lives experienced a broken heart so we all can recognize that squeezing feeling in our stomach any time we think about our love once in a while... Or the way they used talk to us .. Or the way they used smile to us.. Or the way they used love us... Even tho it wasn't for long time...

You said you'll give me things I've never had but you somehow forgot to mention you'll let me fall in love with it and then you'll take it away from me... How am I supposed to make it without you again?

I wanted to hit the send button so badly and send this message to Ed to let him know how much did he hurt me, but I changed my mind at last second.
I don't want to be this type of person.

Let's get some sleep... Maybe tomorrow...