Breakeven

Chapter 9

I walked through the house, looking for Danny. As I opened the door to the music room, I saw him sat at the piano with his head in his hands.

"We need to talk" I said as I stood in the doorway.

Danny looked up, he looked pained. "I'm sorry" he said, emotion flooding his voice in complete contrast to the man I saw last night.

"Sometimes sorry isn't enough" I said as I walked over and sat down next to him at the piano. "We need to talk" I repeated.

Danny nodded, he looked ashamed.

"You need to tell me what's going on Danny, where did all that come from last night?" I asked, still feeling unnerved but realising very quickly that there would not be a repeat of last night's behaviour.

"I don't know, it's just all slipping through my fingers and I'd be lost without you Kay"

"I'm not going anywhere" I reassured him.

"Promise me?" he pleaded.

I had no intention of leaving Danny so it was easy, without hesitation I said "I promise" as I stroked his cheek. He smiled, maybe he thought the conversation was over, like it was that easy to erase last night. It wasn't that easy, I still needed answers and I needed Danny to give them to me.

"Tell me what happened last night?" I pressed further, needing to get to the truth.

"I just had a really bad day at Glen's, he wasn't into talking about when we would be able to get out on the road again so I called Leroy and just went over to his flat. He understands me, he gets how I'm feeling. We talked a lot and I thought everything was straight in my head but when I came home and you weren't here I just realised how alone I actually am."

Between the hurt I was feeling that he didn't come to talk to me when he was having a bad day, and the confusion over what he just said, I had no idea where to take the conversation next. He was obviously trying to answer me honestly but really, what was that meant to mean?

"I don't get it though Danny, Leroy has just appeared from nowhere and now you feel like he's the only one who understands you?"

"He just seems to have all the answers, he can take the pain away. What if the fans forget us, and this is it?"

It was like he had just twisted the knife that had been stabbed through my heart. Leroy can take away his pain? I wanted to offer an opinion, to try to make Danny realise that right now nothing has changed, the album is still going to be released, the fans are still going to get their chance to support the band and when Glen is fully recovered they can pick up where they left off. But spite made me ask "What did Leroy say?"

Danny looked at me and shrugged. That wasn't an answer, Leroy is supposed to have all the answers.

"Come on Danny, what did he say?" I asked again.

"He said that if I lost everything he would still be there for me, it felt good to know that."

So, the 13 years of my life that I've invested into loving this man count for nothing, that's without going as far as the lifetime that Mark and Glen have invested into their friendships with Danny. It's just good to know that he'll always have Leroy, a no-good waste of air that he met just a couple of weeks ago. I couldn't continue the conversation, I was hurting too much. "Well it's good that you'll always have Leroy" I said, the words laced with sarcasm as I spoke.

I got up and left the music room, my eyes brimming with tears as I walked away. I went and poured a glass of water, unsure what I should do next.

"Kay" Danny's voice interrupted my thoughts, I turned to face him. "How's Glen?"

"He's alright now, he should be discharged today but after the stress we had last night, the last thing I needed to come home to was your shit" I said as I walked straight past Danny and sat in the living room.

"How can I make this right?" Danny asked as he followed me.

He clearly wanted to make things right, I just didn't know what he could do to change the way I was feeling. I thought about this for a while before finally saying. "You need to promise me something".

Danny looked hopeful as I said this but I wondered if he would be able to make the promise. "You need to promise me that you will never behave the way that you did last night"

"I promise, Kay I'm so sorry" Danny said immediately.

"...and you need to promise that you'll stay away from Leroy" I added. I don't even know why I hate this guy so much. Actually, hate is a strong word and I'm probably not there yet but I definitely don't trust him and I think he's causing more problems than he's solving.

Danny paused to think about what I had asked of him, it was only a few seconds but it hurt like hell. I'm his wife and he has to think about this?

"OK, I promise" Danny said.

I smiled, a smile filled with relief. For a second there I thought he would chose Leroy over me. But maybe now we can move on.