Breakeven

Chapter 19

"Jessica I'm leaving in 1 minute whether you're ready or not" I shouted up the stairs, much to Danny's amusement.

I lifted Alleysha's coat and held it out to help her put it on while Danny finished getting Keira ready and just as we were ready to leave, Jessica and Amber came running down the stairs.

"I know you wouldn't really have left us Mum" Jessica laughed as she grabbed her coat.

"I will one day if you can't hurry up" I told her with a giggle in my voice.

We all got into the car and I drove over to the studio to drop Danny and Adam off before heading to the shopping centre with the girls.

"Me and Amber will just go on our own Mum, where should we meet you?" Jessica asked as we got out of the car.

"I'm going to take Alleysha and Keira to the soft play centre, so you can go on your own but you need to meet me back here in two hours" I said as I handed Jessica money to get outfits for her and Amber "And keep your phone with you, ring me if you need anything OK?"

"OK Mum, thanks" Jessica said as she hugged me before taking the money from me.

"Thanks Mrs O'Donoghue" Amber said with a smile.

The girls walked into the shopping centre about 4 steps ahead of me, clearly too cool to be seen with me, as they headed towards the shops I went to the leisure area and took Alleysha and Keira to soft play.

I bought a coffee and sat at one of the tables while I watched the girls playing. After a while Keira came over to me and said "Mummy play" while holding out her hand so before I knew it I was submerged in the ball pit with Keira and Alleysha laughing as they tried to make their way through the pit.

The girls thoroughly enjoyed themselves which meant that I was smiling as we made our way back to the car.

We reached the car just in time to meet Jessica and Amber, they weren't there yet so I got Alleysha and Keira into the car and settled. I started to panic when they were 15 minutes late so I decided to phone Jessica. She answered straight away.

"Hi Mum, we're on our way now." She said, panting as she did so I knew that they were rushing.

"How long will you be?" I asked her

"2 minutes, I promise, we're almost there" she said

"OK honey, we're in the car" I told her before ending the call.

I sat in the car, watching in the rear view mirror for Jessica to arrive, after a couple of minutes I saw Jessica and Amber approaching the car with their bags of clothes. I felt relieved that they were OK but also a little annoyed that they were late back, I try to give Jessica her independence but I worry about her, she is still only 9.

As they climbed into the car Jessica said "I'm really sorry we're late Mum"

"I trusted you Jess, is it too much to ask that you get back on time?" I asked her, not really expecting an answer to this rhetorical question. "Did you get what you wanted for the party?"

"Yeah, we'll give you a fashion show when we get home" she smiled, "And we were going to be on time Mum but we bumped into Uncle Mark and Auntie Rina and by the time I had stopped to speak to them we were running late but it wasn't long."

Jessica said this so innocently, and clearly had no idea of the turmoil that this statement was causing me. If she just bumped into Mark and Rina in the shopping centre then Danny isn't with Mark, I could feel tears pricking at my eyes as I took a deep breath to avoid them from spilling over.

"Uncle Mark was there?" I clarified

"Yeah, he told me that I didn't need any new clothes but I told him, we can't go to Kelsey's party without something new" she answered quickly.

I drove home without saying anything else, Alleysha told Jessica all about her time at soft play so the journey wasn't spent in uncomfortable silence but I couldn't join in with 'normal' conversation.

Arriving home, I got the girls inside and then went to the music room in the hope that I would find Danny at home and that he and Mark just got finished early, Danny was nowhere in the house.

"Go and sit on the sofa Mum, we're nearly ready for the fashion show." Jessica shouted from her room.

"Just give me five minutes" I shouted back trying to keep my voice from cracking. I lifted my phone and dialled Danny's number.

"Hey babe, what's up?" He answered sounding upbeat.

I took a deep breath "Where are you Danny?" I asked him.

"You know where I am Kay, I'm at the studio" he answered, sounding confused.

"With Mark?" I said as I continued my interrogation.

"Yeah, well Mark left about half an hour ago because Rina was dragging him out shopping. Kay, what's going on?" Danny asked, sounding confused.

"It's OK" I told him "I'll see you when you get home."

"Are you sure you're alright Kay, you sound upset?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I'll see you later"

"OK, I love you"

"Yeah" I answered as I hung up the phone. I felt ridiculous for thinking what I was thinking. Danny's explanation was completely plausible but I totally jumped to the worst conclusion. And then I realised, when he told me he loved me, I didn't say it back.

"Mum, are you ready yet?" Jessica shouted from her room pulling me from my thoughts.

I went and sat down in the living room with Alleysha and Keira and shouted back "OK, we're ready."