Breakeven

Chapter 13

I left work and headed home in the hope that Danny would be there. I pulled up on the driveway and lifted Keira from the car, carrying her on my hip as I went into the house.

"Danny, are you here?" I shouted as I entered but I was met with a wall of silence, he clearly wasn't home. I tried his phone again but it was just going straight to voicemail, it wasn't switched on.

I headed through to the music room and riffled through the papers that were strewn across the desk, in the hope of finding something that would give me a clue as to what Danny was doing. All I found were scribbles of what I assume to be song lyrics.

I ran upstairs, still carrying Keira in my arms as I went into our bedroom. I put her down on the bed and opened the wardrobe, searching through the pockets of Danny's clothes but not really knowing what I was looking for. Again, I found nothing.

I sat on the bed with Keira, I wanted to scream out loud but I knew I had to keep things 'normal' for her. I settled myself that Danny would come home eventually, he always does, and I would get a chance to confront him so I tried my best to stay cheerful as I played with Keira until it was time to collect the rest of the kids from school.

I drove to the school gates and waited until one by one the 3 kids all came running out of school and jumped in the car. "How was school?" I asked them and they took it in turns to tell me about their days as we headed home.

After dinner, and when all the homework was complete we all decided to play a board game. It was really nice to have all of the kids gathered round just spending some quality family time together. Although Danny was still not home so the family wasn't quite complete.

After the board game, I got Keira and Alleysha to bed but Adam and Jessica wanted to wait up for Danny getting home. I was reluctant to allow them to wait for him, not knowing what he'd be like when he returned but I had no real reason to stop them from seeing him so we all sat on the sofa watching TV.

It was a little after 10, Adam had fallen asleep on the sofa and Jessica was struggling to keep her eyes open when she turned to me and asked "Mum, what time will dad be home?"

"I don't know honey" I told her honestly "Why don't you go up to bed, I'll make sure he comes up to see you when he gets back."

"Are you and dad getting a divorce?" She asked out of nowhere.

"No, honey, why would you ask that?" I said in shock at her question.

"He's never here, and when he is you always look unhappy. I know about divorce you know mum, some of the girls in my class at school don't live with their mums and dads but it's OK and if you want to get a divorce, I wouldn't mind"

I was shocked by her words, and by how calmly she was saying this. I've really tried to hide our problems from the kids but clearly not well enough.

"We aren't getting a divorce, me and your dad still love each other very much. He's just busy right now but I know he'll be sad that he didn't get to see you tonight so I promise I'll send him up when he gets in" I told her.

"OK mum, I love you" Jessica said as she got up from the sofa and hugged me before heading up to bed.

I looked over at Adam sleeping, I wondered if I could carry him up to bed without waking him like I used to when he was younger but I soon realised that I wouldn't make it all the way up the stairs so I gently stroked his head until he started to stir.

"Dad?" Adam questioned still half asleep.

"No son, he's not home yet." I said, "You need to go to bed, I'll get him to check in on you when he's home"

Adam struggled to his feet, not having fully woken up so I walked up the stairs with him and saw him into bed. I kissed his forehead as I pulled the duvet up over him. "Goodnight son" I said as I left his room with tears beginning to fill my eyes.

I checked on Keira and Alleysha while I was upstairs, both of them were still sleeping soundly. I wondered how Danny and I could create such a beautiful family and then not be strong enough to hold it together, I felt like we were failing our kids.

Tears trickled down my face as I sat waiting for Danny to come home. I didn't want to imagine what he was up to right now I just prayed that the wait would be over soon while simultaneously worrying about him getting home because I had no idea what to say to him.

I realised my wait was over as I heard Danny's keys turn in the lock. I wiped my tear stained face and took a deep breath as I waited for him to appear in the living room.

Danny wandered through and went to go straight upstairs; the lights were all out so maybe he didn't realise I was here.

"Where've you been?" I asked him, my voice full of worry.

Danny jumped slightly at the sound of my voice and turned to face me. "What are you still doing up?" he asked as he came over to the sofa and sat down next to me, wrapping his arm around me.

"I'm waiting for you Danny, so what about my question? Where have you been?" I asked again as I pulled back from him creating some distance between us.

"I've been out, what's with the inquisition?" Danny said defensively "And why are you sitting in the dark?" he asked as he leaned over and switched on a lamp. He turned to face me and saw the tears that were running down my face. "What's happened Kay, why are you crying?"

I took a deep breath, where do I start? I knew what I needed to say first, "I promised Jessica that I'd get you to check in on her and Adam when you got home, can you do that first? I'll put the kettle on." I said as calmly as I could.

Danny looked concerned, "Kay they'll be asleep, just tell me what's wrong?"

"I promised Danny, please just go and check on them."

Danny nodded and headed upstairs.