Breakeven

Chapter 46

"Make it a great day" I yelled as I dropped the kids off at school after already delivering Keira safely to nursery. I had managed to get the kids up and do their full morning routine with no problems, meanwhile there was a drunken Irish man snoring in my spare room. I laughed at the thought of Mark staying over to make sure that the kids got to school because he thought I'd be in no fit state to get them sorted this morning.

I stopped at the local deli to pick up breakfast for me and Mark, not really in the mood to make breakfast when I got home.

"I've brought us breakfast so you'd better get your lazy ass out of bed" I yelled as I opened the door.

I went to get some plates and started to take the food out of the bags when I heard footsteps entering the kitchen.

"Finally, sleeping beauty awakens." I said to Mark as I spun around.

It wasn't Mark that was stood in front of me, I looked up and saw Danny instead. He looked crushed. His hands fiddled quickly with his keyring. "I'm sorry Kay, I shouldn't have come here and just let myself in, I should've known you'd have other things in your life." he threw his house key down onto the kitchen counter in a fumbled motion as the colour drained from his face. "I'm going to go".

I stood there in shock, wondering why Danny had come to the house, had he really just come to return his house keys. Was this his way of twisting the knife further in his rejection of me? Without another word, Danny made a beeline to the door and was gone.

I lifted the door key from the counter and sat staring at it while I twirled it in my hand.

"How are you not hanging this morning?" Mark asked as he came into the kitchen looking really rough. He lifted the food from the counter and came to sit at the breakfast bar with me.

"Danny was here" I said, completely void of any emotion.

"Did you sort things out?" Mark asked as he bit into his sandwich.

"No" I replied thoughtfully, "he didn't come to sort things out, he literally just apologised for letting himself in, threw his door keys on the counter and left. I mean, I get it Mark, we're over, but can he not do this with a little more thought for how I'm going to be feeling? I thought he had more respect for me than that." I dropped his key back onto the counter.

Mark shook his head. "I don't know what's going on with you two, Kay. I believe what you're telling me because, why would you lie, but I just don't get it. It's like the way Danny is with you is the absolute opposite of how he tells me he is feeling."

"Well I guess the man is just an absolute mystery." I said as I got up to make another coffee, pushing my food aside as I no longer felt hungry.

"He always has been" Mark laughed "But you two could always work it out. You would still have him back, wouldn't you?"

I took my seat back at the counter and took a sip of the steaming coffee.

"I don't know Mark" I answered honestly "I mean, in my heart, yes, always, but is it even worth the hurt that I'm constantly putting myself through. I've tried getting him out of my life and focussing on the kids but in all honesty, I've just felt like I'm here keeping our family ticking over until Danny comes back, I've never really felt happy while he wasn't around. When I saw him yesterday, it felt like we had no history, like someone had given us a clean page, a fresh start and all the feelings of lust are definitely still there, I mean how many people can say after all this time that they actually still fancy their partner. When I looked at Danny yesterday I didn't see my husband, or the father of my kids or all those things I used to see when I looked at Danny. I just saw this guy who was hot as hell" I laughed as I said this out loud.

"Fucking hell Kay, there's such a thing as too much information." Mark interrupted, obviously not comfortable with hearing how his best friend was 'hot as hell'.

"Nah, but seriously, that's not really what's important is it?" I continued, thinking out loud. "He hurt me last night the way he rejected me, but after my little blow out and a few whiskeys to get me thinking straight, I wondered if there was maybe something in what he said about wanting to kiss me but being scared about his recovery if we didn't work out. Alongside what you had said about him still being in love with me I had it in my head that I would go to see him and let him know that it wouldn't be a mistake, that he is really what I want. You know when I turned around and saw him stood there this morning, for a split second, I thought that he had the same thoughts and he was here for us to sort things out once and for all. But he made no reference to last night at all, it's as if in his head that it didn't even happen. I can't believe he came here just to give me back his door keys, I mean what the fuck is that meant to mean?"

My rant had my head spinning and Mark looked really confused, in his hungover state he probably didn't need me battering his head this morning. But it was clear that he didn't have the answers I needed.

Marks phone beeped, a text message being received. "This'll be Rina wanting to know when I'm coming home" Mark laughed as he took the phone from his pocket. His face dropped as he read the message on the screen before he turned the screen towards me. The text was from Danny:

Help me. I'm sat in Leroy's street. Kay's seeing someone else. I don't want to do this but what have I got to stay clean for.