Breakeven

Chapter 40

Adam didn't wake again that night, but I didn't dare to leave him.  I stayed with him throughout the night grabbing a few hours sleep here and there but not really being able to settle myself.

Adam's room door opened and Liam walked in looking uncomfortable.  Without saying a word, he lifted the notes from Adam's bed and started running his checks.

After a few minutes of silence, I said "I thought I might have seen you sooner, how has your shift been?"

"Well I've got other patients that need me Kay, I can't just be at your beck and call" Liam snapped back, barely looking at me.

I couldn't believe how quickly he had changed from being a kind, caring person to being so unaware of how much losing his friendship would hurt me.  I didn't have the energy to take the conversation any further so I just nodded my head and allowed the silence to return.

"I'm sorry for snapping" Liam eventually whispered as he put the notes back on the end of Adams bed.

I nodded, acknowledging that he had spoke but not knowing what he expected me to say in response.

"Fancy getting some breakfast?" he asked me, his eyebrow raising as a clear indication that he was testing the water to see if he had ruined our friendship.

"Why not?" I smiled as I picked up my handbag and followed Liam out of Adam's room.

"So, do you want to go to the café or shall I make us breakfast?" Liam asked as we got outside.

"Let's just go to the café, I don't want to be away for too long" I replied, it was the truth but in all honesty, I didn't think I'd be comfortable going back to Liam's flat after last night.

We sat down in the café and started eating breakfast, it felt very strained and I decided that it was best to just confront this head on.

"Last night...." I started, but Liam cut me off immediately.

"Look, last night shouldn't have happened.  It's none of my business if you and Danny are together or not and I had no right to question it, can we just forget it happened?"

Wouldn't it be so easy if I could just forget it happened.  But I really didn't want to feel like I was leading Liam on if he did have any sort of romantic feelings towards me.

"I'd love to forget it happened Liam, but you looked so jealous when you seen us together and I can't get that look out of my head.  I'm sorry if I've hurt you, if you thought that we had something going on here, it was never my intention to lead you on, I hope you know that."

"You never once lead me on Kay, I knew from the minute I met you that you were way out of my league but then the more time I spent with you, the more I started to fall for you.  I can't help the way that I feel." He said timidly.

"You've fallen for me?" I asked, regretting the question the moment the words left my mouth.

Liam nodded, "If the truth be told I think I had fallen for you before I even met you.  I'd seen pictures of you in magazines, you know when you and Danny have been out together, and you just looked so perfect but I convinced myself that you couldn't have the personality to match your looks.  Then I met you and, well your even better than I could have ever imagined.  I felt like we connected, and maybe allowed myself to believe that maybe one day we would have a chance."

I could feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment as I struggled to take in what Liam had just said to me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you" Liam said, noticing the colour rushing to my cheeks.  "Can we just forget about it, I know you don't feel the same way about me but I do value your friendship.  It'll be hard for me seeing you with Danny all the time again but I'd like to think we could still grab the odd coffee together and just chat like we did before you knew how I felt."

Of everything Liam said, the only part that stuck in my head was 'seeing you with Danny all the time'.  "Danny's gone" I said without looking up.

"When's he coming back in?" Liam asked, obviously not understanding what I had just said.

"No, he's gone.  He's not coming back." I said as tears welled in my eyes.

Liam pulled me into a hug, giving the tears their permission to fall, I sobbed into his shoulder while he held me close, comforting me.  After a few minutes I pulled back, wiping my eyes and trying to stop the tears from falling.

"I'm sorry" Liam said as his hand stroked over my back. "You don't deserve this."

"Who does?" I said with as much of a smile as I could manage as I glanced up at him.

He tried to pull me back into a hug but a pushed him away.  "I'm sorry Liam, I'm a mess right now but I need to focus on my kids, and only my kids.  You need to know that there's no chance that we will ever be anything more than friends, I'm in love with Danny and if I can't be with him then I don't want to be with anyone."

"That's OK love" he said taking my hands in his.  "We can just go back to how we were and nothing needs to change."

I felt really uncomfortable the minute he called me 'love' and I instinctively knew that he wouldn't give up.

"Unfortunately, everything has to change.  I've got Adam to think about and the girls are back tomorrow.  We can't go back to how we were because it was wrong Liam and because I can't be what you want me to be."

"So that's it, you just walk out of here and I never see you again?" Liam asked

"Well, you're my son's consultant, I think it's unlikely that you'll never see me again.  But everything else, has to end here." I said as I pushed his key across the table towards him.

He tried to push it back, protesting that things didn't have to change.  But eventually he lifted to key and pushed it into his pocket.

"You should get some sleep." I said, realising that Liam had just finished a night shift.

"Ditto" he replied looking at me in concern.

"I'm fine Liam, I might see you later?" I said as I stood up from the table.

He nodded as I turned and left the café.