Breakeven

Chapter 37

I woke with a start as I heard my phone ringing. I reached over to get it and then panicked when I saw that it was Liam calling.

"Hello" I answered, as I jumped out of bed and started putting my shoes on.

"Kay, don't panic, it's not Adam." He told me immediately, I let out a sigh of relief as I sat down on the edge of the bed. "I thought you should know that Danny's just arrived. He asked if I knew where you were and then he's just sat outside Adam's room waiting for you."

"OK, I'll be over in a sec" I said as I ended the call. I had a horrible feeling of guilt in the pit of my stomach as I wondered why Danny was here.

I rushed over to the hospital and found Danny stood outside Adam's room, watching him through the glass. He turned as he heard my footsteps and smiled as I approached him.

"I didn't want to go in when you weren't here, Mark told me you didn't want me to be left alone with him."

I looked at Danny, he looked so different from the last time I seen him. He was dressed in smart black jeans with a grey jumper, his hair was styled and his complexion was pretty much back to normal.

"You look well." I said to him with a smile. I was genuinely happy to see that he had cleaned himself up.

"I've got a long way to go but I'm going to do this Kay, this time I'm staying clean." He said with a determination in his voice.

"Do you want to go in?" I asked gesturing towards the door to Adam's room.

Danny paused, looking at me with uncertainty. "Can we talk first?" he asked.

I closed my eyes and shook my head. I didn't have the energy to break up with Danny again.

"I think you'll want to hear what I've got to say, but Adam's consultant said that he will be becoming more aware of what's happening around him so I'd rather we didn't talk in there."

"OK" I said as I turned and walked along the corridor to one of the family rooms with Danny following behind me.

"He seems like he's doing well?" Danny asked as we walked into the room.

"Yeah, Liam said he's pretty much out of the woods now, and they've started to reduce his sedation so he should start to wake up." I said as I sat down.

"That's good, that's really good." Danny said as he took an envelope out of his pocket and stared at it in his hands.

"What's that?" I asked with intrigue.

Danny sighed, running the envelope between his fingers. "It's what you asked for." He replied holding the envelope out for me to take. He looked defeated.

I stepped forward, taking the envelope from his hands and opening it. As I read the papers inside I didn't know what they were.

"It's everything you need to get full parental responsibility for the kids" Danny said as he saw the look of confusion on my face. "They're your kids now, only yours."

I felt a single tear trickle down my face as I crouched in front of him and lifted his chin to look at me. "They will always be our kids Danny, no piece of paper can ever stop you from being their Dad"

Our foreheads rested together for a moment before Danny took a deep breath and said "I need to ask you to do something for me"

I looked up at him.

"I know I fucked up, and I know that I don't deserve you or the kids, but it doesn't stop me from wanting my life back. But I know that I can't just pretend like this didn't happen, and I can't expect you to support me through the shit I need to work out." I could see Danny getting frustrated, I knew this wasn't going how he had planned.

"Kay, I need to go away. I've managed to get through the withdrawal but if I want to stay clean I need to check into rehab and do this properly this time. I've found a great rehab centre and I really think that with their help, I can do this. And I know I've got no right to ask this, but will you wait for me? Will you let me try to put this right? I can do this if I know that I've got something worth doing it for."

I sat on the seat next to Danny and took his hands in mine, "Don't ask me to wait for you Danny" I said, "And don't do this for me. If you want to go into rehab then I'll support you by looking after our kids until you're better. But you've got to do this for the right reasons, and I'm not it. If you're going to do this, then do it for you, nobody else."

His had stroked my cheek as his tears started to fall, "I'm nothing without you" he whispered.

"You are" I said without hesitation. "You are the most amazing man I've ever met but you have to believe that. You have to give yourself some worth here."

"But when I think of my life without you, it just hurts so bad. I don't want that." He said.

"Then write about it Danny, art is the only justification for pain." I said reminding him of what he always told me.

"I don't think I can write this away." He said as he stood up from his chair.

I stood up as well and held my arms out to him, he wrapped me in a warm, loving hug. "Good luck, I hope you get everything you need." I whispered as my arms wrapped around his waist and my head rested against his chest.

The door to the room opened and Danny and I pulled apart as I turned and saw Liam stood in the doorway.

"Sorry to interrupt" he said as we both turned to look at him. "I think Adam might be waking up"