Breakeven

Chapter 15

I sat on the bathroom floor rubbing Danny's back as he was dry retching over the toilet.  There was nothing I could do to take his pain away.  The doctors had warned us that the withdrawal wouldn't be pleasant but I didn't expect this.

He's barely sleeping, constantly sweating, his hands shake and then there's the constant nausea, he's not often sick, but then again his appetite is so low that I guess he can't be sick.

It's the uncertainty over how long he will be feeling like this that is getting to me the most, it could be a few days or it could be months.  The only thing in our favour is that Danny's drug use has not been long term so hopefully it won't go on much longer.

He was drained, his body was weak and I know that every time his phone rings he is desperate to just answer and go and get the one thing that will stop the pain, benzodiazepines.  What an evil drug they are.

"Let's get you back to bed" I whispered to Danny, he nodded in reply and I helped him to his feet.

"Can I have a shower first?" He asked me, I have no idea how he will manage in the shower but this is the first time in 2 days that Danny has cared about washing so I agreed immediately.

I turned the shower on for him, "Call me if you need me" I said before leaving the bathroom and going to change the bed sheets so that he would be more comfortable.

Once the bedsheets were changed, I found some clean sweat pants and a t-shirt and wandered back into the bathroom to check on Danny.  "How are you doing?" I asked as I went to sit down.

"OK, can you pass me a towel?" Danny asked

I lifted a warm towel from the rail as I heard Danny shutting off the water in the shower.  I opened the door to hand the towel to Danny and saw his naked body.  He was losing weight, fast, and he didn't have it to lose in the first place, his body looked gaunt and I was a little shocked by what I saw.

"Feeling better?" I asked as I handed him the towel and he wrapped it tightly around his waist.  Danny nodded in reply but it wasn't very convincing.

He dressed slowly, with every movement looking like it was a huge effort.  I tried to stay positive around him but it broke my heart to see him looking so helpless. When he was finally dressed, I got him settled back in bed.

"What do you fancy for dinner?" I asked him.

"I'm not hungry." The same reply he has given me every time I ask him what he wants to eat.

"Babe, you've got to eat." I pleaded with him. "What about some soup at least?"

He didn't acknowledge the question, instead he opened his arms and I lay down next to him cuddled together.  "I'm so sorry you have to go through this." He said.

"I wouldn't be anywhere else when you need me." I told him.

"But I shouldn't have put you through this."

I sat up to look at him, "For better or worse, remember?"

Danny smiled, the first smile I've seen in a while.