Not My Canon!

WTF: Metafiction

At times, the script book for HARRY POTTER AND THE CURSED CHILD could be defined as Metafiction, due to the fact that it often seems self-aware and uses dialogue to laugh at the absurdity of its own narrative. The problem with this description is that the Cursed Trio weren't doing this deliberately. The play is constantly trying to take itself seriously, to the amusement and disappointment of their canon-minded fandom.

The Writer is Self-Aware

Writers work under all sorts of constraints. When working with a team, it is likely that a debate over plot points will arise. Sometimes, instead of rewriting a difficult section, they attempt to bypass any confusion their audience could have by basically transcribing into the work the very discussion they had in the writing room. Then, when one of them says something to make the rest of them laugh, they decide it would be amusing to use that as material as well. Here are four examples.

The Bookcase

When it came to the bookcase in Hermione's office, where the Time-Turner was hidden, I swear they wrote this entire scene for the sake of a cool set piece and a bit of stage magic. But the writers faced a dilemma in doing this, because they thought too much about form when they should have been thinking about function. While the bookcase trick was a good one, it doesn't keep with the character of Hermione Granger. So, how do you get around that? Especially if you hadn't noticed this fact until after construction began on the set pieces? This discussion winds up happening:

Rowling: "The fans are going to tear this apart. Hermione would have protected this better."

Thorne: "Okay, so what if a well-respected character in the play just points out that it was a ridiculous idea?"

Rowling: "Ooooh. Yes. That happened!"

And then we find this in the final script:

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: If I could also give a detention to you, Minister, I would. Keeping hold of a Time-Turner, of all the stupid things!

HERMIONE: In my defense -

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: And in a bookcase. You kept it in a bookcase. It's almost laughable.

Time and Space

Someone in that room didn't know how Time-Turners worked in the Harry Potter universe. I mean, it's glaringly obvious. There's tons of evidence in the script that they had NO CLUE they were abandoning established rules altogether (which I'll get to...), but at some point, there had to be a discussion between them over the mechanics of time travel. Part of that discussion made its way into the script. Regrettably, their decision to embed their own confusion into the story cast Hermione Granger in a poor light once again.

SNAPE: And then you left?

SCORPIUS: The Time-Turner took us back, yes. That's the thing - this Time-Turner, you only get five minutes in the past.

HERMIONE: And can you still only move in time, not space?

SCORPIUS: Yes, yes, it's - uh - you travel back in the same spot you stand in -

HERMIONE: Interesting.

Mmmm... No. NO. No, it's not interesting. Because time travel has never done anything of the sort. You've never moved in space, and Hermione would know that better than any of you because she used that Time-Turner for an entire school year! It's a time travel device, not a teleportation device. But, you know, thanks a bunch writing team (that somehow included J.K. flippin' Rowling) for clearing that up for... no one but yourselves.

This was such a WTF moment when I first read the script.

Bleecchhh...

I'm not even going to describe this one. Someone clearly said this in the writing room (about a thirteen-year-old), and they thought it was 'oh, so clever' to actually put it into the script. No. Absolutely no. So much no.

And with that, time moves ever onwards - ALBUS's eyes become darker, his face grows more sallow. He's still an attractive boy, but he's trying not to admit it. And suddenly he's back on platform nine and three-quarters with his dad - who is still trying to persuade his son (and himself) that everything is okay. Both have aged another year.

Will the real Gilderoy Lockhart please stand up?

Scorpius Malfoy is generally a delight. He was purposely designed to be the fan-insert, and therefore has dialogue that echoes the voice of the fandom. My follow-up post to this will explore how the writers may not have realized just how well they projected the fandom onto this play, and to their own detriment, but we'll get to that. Here's a time when they used the free-thinking voice of Scorpius to flaunt their own smartness. I mean... it isn't peacocking if we make it obvious, right? Hey, it worked for Lockhart!

What's way more obvious is that this exchange definitely happened at some point in the writing room, ending with someone saying,

"Oh my gosh, you guys...that whole thing needs to be in the play."

"Get a pen. Someone find me a PEN!"

"This is so funny. We're all SO funny!"

"We are?!"

Just...read for yourselves...

*sigh

SCORPIUS: Only you and I have experienced how dangerous this is, that means you and I have to destroy it. No one can do what we did, Albus. No one. No, (slightly grandly) it's time that time-turning became a thing of the past.

ALBUS: You're quite proud of that phrase, aren't you?

SCORPIUS: Been working on it all day.