Not My Canon!

WTF: The Women

In the play, there are many examples of OOC (Out Of Character) behavior and dialogue. I'd say it's the most blatant example of canon defilement because we've aged with these characters and have insight into their most personal moments. We know who they are beyond the surface, which makes us uniquely capable of spotting a bad forgery.

Ginny

When the production department showed us glimpses of the props before the premiere, I was all excited to see Ginny's wand in the mix. But why was it even there? It's not as if her character was used in any capacity, especially when it came to magic (i.e. the purpose of having a wand). Gone was the empowered, feisty only daughter of Molly and Arthur Weasley. In Cursed Child, Ginny was weak, ineffectual, a bit nagging, unable to empathize with her husband, and had no personality. They took a complex character and made her a housebound nothing who cared more about her husband eating sweets than empathizing with his struggle to be a proper father while overseeing all magical law enforcement in the UK. She barely had any lines and the only interesting factoid we were given was that she was an occasional sports editor for the Daily Prophet.

Hmm...what should we have Ginny do?

I don't know. She wrote in a diary once.

That's it! She's a writer!

Molly Weasley

Molly is the main character's only grandmother. I would love to go into detail here about how her characteristics were on display within the narrative...

...BUT SHE'S NOT IN THE PLAY!

Astoria

Astoria was the wife of Draco and mother of Scorpius. I would have liked to see more from this character, but Cursed Child refuses to give us what we'd actually LIKE to see. They killed her off as a plot point. We barely know anything about this woman. What we do know is extremely sexist and strange. They send Astoria, who was "too Muggle-loving", back in time to get it on with Voldemort because Draco and Lucius wanted a powerful heir. Right, makes sense. We get that it's all a fiction, but calling it "an absurd rumor" isn't doing the blatant stupidity and misogyny justice. Here's yet another example of how women are trampled upon in this play. How did Jo give a thumbs-up to this? Look at how you're treating Astoria! As if a woman would just... do that...!

Hey, you... person with womb in body. This is your purpose. Now... BREED!!!

So much awfulness, I can't stand it.

Rose

Rose Granger-Weasley is the reason the Bechdel test exists. Her purpose in this play is first as a comparison of skill to reveal the failures of Albus to live up to his dad's legacy, and second as a love interest for Scorpius Malfoy, so we can prove he's into girls and not boys.

Don't forget that! He's straight! That matters! But definitely go out there and ship the hell out of him. We need you guys to talk about this play. No, this isn't manufactured. What? You thought they might have been gay? Strange. All of my male friendships are exactly like this!

Rose is not a character in this play. She's another plot point. And the madness of it all is you're trying to make us believe that the daughter of Hermione Granger would search for potential friends by rating the cabins of the Hogwarts Express based on first impressions. Hermione's daughter would judge others without getting to know them first? Really? Not only that, she would reject her cousin for being a Slytherin?

I'm not saying that children have to be identical to their parents, far from it, but I can't see how this girl was raised by Hermione, especially considering all the prejudice her mother faced as a Muggle-born witch during the return of Voldemort.

NOT.

BELIEVABLE.

McGonagall

I've gotten heat in TOILERS for a moment when McGonagall is particularly abrupt and inconsiderate to the twins. I'm fully aware of who McG is and have made a choice to use her brash, authoritative persona to minimize the twins early on (knowing the stratospheric trajectory they're set to climb). I may have my reasons, you may have your opinions, but I think everyone who reads my fanfic knows that I've done the research and made a personal choice to push the limits of her character. Cursed Child dampens the robustness of her.

She went from a no-nonsense Deputy Headmistress who you'd never want to cross to a victim of Harry's constant disrespect, more concerned with her rug getting trampled on than defending herself. Harry calls her Minerva, barges into her office unexpected, orders her to keep an eye on his troublesome kid, and she repeatedly cowers. McGonagall just stands there and says nothing when Harry insults her by saying she wouldn't understand his situation because she's never had children.

I want to feel bad for McGonagall, but this wasn't actually McGonagall. It was the result of someone who is consistently, scene-by-scene, revealing their misogyny.

Most ridiculous passage:

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: She? A daughter? He had a daughter?

HERMIONE: Yes. A daughter.

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: And is she now in custody?

HARRY: Professor, she did ask for no questions.

ROFL What happened to the theme from the books that you aren't defined by your blood, or immediately assumed to be evil because of your parentage? Like, we solved that with Sirius Black. Why are we continually backsliding? And hahahaa Is she in custody? You literally don't even know if she's done anything wrong at this point. But she's a woman! And a witch! Burn her! hahahahaaa this effing play. And then that last bit from Harry. Wow, they made him such an ass. But we'll get to him. Oh, we'll get to Harry. I'm saving our boy for the end.

Worst McG line:

"Your solidarity is admirable, but it doesn't make your negligence negligible."

All right, guys. All right...

Put down the pen before anyone else gets hurt.