Not My Canon!

WTF: MoRE LoGic AnD sHorTCoMInGS

Okay. I'm back, WattPotters. Sorry for the teensy absence. Nothing (Wattys) at all interesting (Wattys) has happened to me (Wattys) in the past 48 hours. Nothing (Wattys) at all.

Now... where was I?

*Peers languidly over glasses at scrawled list of addressed classroom topics*

Ah. Logic and Shortcomings. Indeed. Let's carry on with that, shall we?

The plan to steal the Time-Turner from the Ministry of Magic encompasses some of the longest scenes in Act One and is the Cursed Trio's best attempt to recapture the feel of the Harry Potter books. Our assumed heroes use Polyjuice Potion to sneak into a place they are not supposed to be, made to imitate the personality of their false identity in order to continue their mission, and must then solve a problem in order to achieve success. It's a little transparent, and the barriers of disbelief were often hard to overcome, but it was not altogether a bad idea on the part of the creative team to activate a fan's nostalgia reflex. Unfortunately, they misfired. It was our gag reflex they'd activated.

The Make-Out Scene

We gotta start with that gawdawful interaction between Hermione and young Albus (who was polyjuiced to appear like her husband, Ron Weasley). In order to block Hermione from going into her office, Albus kisses his aunt. And not just a kiss. It's described as: firmly and developing into quite a struggle. Of course, right on queue, Scorpius (as the voice of the fanbase) says, "I don't know whether to high-five you or frown at you for kissing your aunt about five hundred times!"

Gross. But it's not just the kiss, it's the move he tries when the kissing seems to be failing.

"Let's have another baby. Or if not another baby, a holiday. I want a baby or a holiday and I'm going to insist on it. Shall we talk about it later, honey? Maybe with a drink in the Leaky Cauldron? Love you."

The incestual overtones and insinuations are... eh... regrettable. JKR and Co. could've easily had Scorpius be Hermione's husband to lessen the creep factor here, but that would mean forsaking the scene from earlier when Scorpius (who was polyjuiced to appear like Harry) could berate Albus like a bad father. What's more important, really? An excuse to joke around with friends, or a chance to make your audience nauseous? It's a toss-up. If you're tossing cookies, that is.

This whole 'comedy of errors' bit they had planned made it obvious that someone on the writing team had recently watched the Deathly Hallows film. They thought it would be funny to rehash the scene when a woman kisses Ron thinking he was her husband. Still, the most unfortunate moment is when Albus defended his choice to openly make-out with his Aunt Hermione.

ALBUS/RON: Ron's an affectionate guy. I was trying to distract her, Scorpius. I did distract her.

Um... Kay... Real quick... Before you move on to another thought, there... How, precisely, does Albus know this very personal detail about his uncle? Yeah. Obviously not the intention the writers had here, but I think the lack of editorial oversight is making things a little uncomfortable for everyone involved.

The Bookshelf

Okay, so the fact that two fourth years and a pal could have so easily broken into the Minister's office is just ridiculous. You are telling me that Hermione Granger, twenty years older than when she, herself, broke into the Ministry of Magic, doesn't have some impenetrable safeguards in place for her office? Or worse, that she would be so simpleminded as to use a gimmick like hiding the Time-Turner in a weaponized bookshelf as her foremost line of defense? Hey! Hermione liked to read books! So this is what she would do! Kind of insulting, isn't it? Deathly Hallows gave us breaking into a Gringott's vault where the cups burned and multiplied, struggling to bury you for attempted theft, and a daring escape by way of riding a dragon. Here, we have a riddling bookcase. That kind of chews on you.