Not My Canon!

WTF: Unexplained and Abnormal

Welcome to our newest segment: The Unexplained and Abnormal. We've been mentioning a few of these points in the comments, so I'll jump in with both feet.

Rodolphus Lestrange

Let's review his curriculum vitae, hmm? Rodolphus was a Death Eater from the First Wizarding War. He was part of the crew that tortured Frank and Alice Longbottom. Husband to Bellatrix Lestrange. Member of a search party that attempted to locate Voldemort after everything went down at the Potters. Imprisoned in Azkaban. Escaped fourteen years later during the "MASS BREAKOUT". Fought during the Battle of the Department of Mysteries and the Battle of the Seven Potters. According to Cursed Child canon (*retching sounds*), he seems to have survived the Battle of Hogwarts and was imprisoned in Azkaban again. But then... things get a bit fuzzy. Here's the line from Delphi where we learn about Lestrange's involvement in her upbringing:

DELPHI: It was Rodolphus Lestrange, Bellatrix's loyal husband, who on return from Azkaban told me who I was and revealed the prophecy he thought I was destined to fulfill.

On Return From Azkaban

This is the point that causes such confusion. The Rowle's raised Delphi and "Uncle" Rodolphus stopped by from time to time, I'm assuming, to discuss a prophecy he thought applicable to her. Okay. But Lestrange most certainly had a life sentence in Azkaban, right? So, how did he "return" exactly? It's not as if he would've been pardoned for his crimes. He must have escaped, they mean. Fine... then how did he escape? The books establish that it's nearly impossible. And, if he had, why were there no alarm bells going off? When Sirius Black escaped, the effing Prime Minister of England was notified. And the Daily Prophet was plastered with headlines when Lestrange first escaped (with help from other Death Eaters). So, we're supposed to just brush over all that for the sake of this fleeting line of dialogue? Confused!

For The Gold

DELPHI: She didn't like me much. Euphemia Rowle... she only took me in for the gold.

So, Lestrange breaks out and visits baby Delphini (or teenage Delphini, it's never specified). How was he able to do that? Lestrange couldn't have paid Rowle to raise Delphi before his imprisonment because the Aurors were rounding up Death Eaters. I doubt there was time to squeeze in a pit stop at the old family vault. This means his first visit to Delphi post-Azkaban would likely include a payment for services rendered to Madam Rowle, assuming that he'd be refused at the door if he didn't come with a baggie of gold. Following that logic, we hit a wall. Because how was a recently escaped prisoner able to stroll into Gringotts? No clue. It's just... unexplained.

Where Your Loyalties Lie (so much punnage here, I couldn't resist)

Breaking down more of that first quote, Delphi describes Rodolphus as "Bellatrix's loyal husband". I mean... according to the play, he's the only one who was loyal. Because apparently Voldemort and his wife were getting it on before the Battle of Hogwarts!

*increased frequency of retching sounds*

For real, this needs to be explained. Because you're telling us Mr. Lestrange just... chilled out while it was all going down at Malfoy Manor? NOO! THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!! SHE'S DOWN AND HUBBY IS LOYAL? THAT WOULD MEAN THEIR FLING WASN'T A FLING. THAT WOULD MEAN IT HAD A PURPOSE, WHICH MEANS VOLDEMORT WANTED A CHILD, WHICH DOES! NOT! MAKE! SENSE!

*growls of fury*

I'll get back to this when I cover the more significant changes in canon.

The new prophecy

All right. Time to address the embarrassingly mediocre. This prophecy:

"When spares are spared, when time is turned, when unseen children murder their fathers: Then will the Dark Lord return."

Ugh. That's so poorly written.

According to Delphi, Rodolphus Lestrange revealed this prophecy (now written on her walls "in fluorescent paint") upon his assumed escape from Azkaban. But it's hardly discussed. I often wonder if Jack Thorne was playing a game of canon bingo, and one of the squares he needed to complete was labeled "Prophecy". Because it's added flippantly to the story as if they realized, in a last-minute read, that Delphi's motivation was totally incoherent.

So much goes unexplained. Who made this so-called prophecy? How did Rodolphus find out about it while being haunted daily by dementors in Azkaban prison? Is it even real?

Prophecies are regulated in the wizarding world and kept in the Hall of Prophecy at the Ministry of Magic. Yet, no one else seemed to know about this particular prophecy? You'd think it would raise some eyebrows, you know, since it discusses the return of the Dark Lord. The fact that it's painted on her walls with swirling snakes makes it come across like a pathetic wizarding world adaptation of a "vision board", where Delphi is desperately clinging to this naive idea, convincing herself in fake Parseltongue every morning that she's the heir of Voldemort. That her mom totally hooked up with him... and she's destined for glory... and waiting for her big break... because a Time-Turner is totally going to show up any day.

The Imperius Curse

We've discussed how weird it is for Delphi to be hanging out with two young teenagers when she's in her twenties. But one of the more frustrating aspects of Cursed Child is that this prophecy is used as the main excuse for why Delphi, who is super evil, was incognito with them the whole time. It's because she had to manipulate them into helping fulfill the prophecy. For some reason.

ALBUS: We won't. We won't obey you. Whoever you are. Whatever you want us to do.

DELPHI: Of course you will.

ALBUS: You'll have to use Imperio. You'll have to control me.

DELPHI: No. To fulfill the prophecy, this has to be you, not a puppet of you. You have to be the one to humiliate Cedric, so Imperio just won't do - I'll have to force you by other means.

WHYYYY??? This prophecy is complicated and pitiful and baffling. It calls them "children". Scorpius never "murders his father" when "time is turned". And all that "spare" baloney?? Why does it have to be Albus and Scorpius? Why? The prophecy doesn't mention them at all.

Delphi's entire motivation for not going back herself to change the past, and involving the sons of Draco and Harry, was because she claimed it HAD to be them, uncontrolled by magic. BUT THE PROPHECY DOESN'T SAY ANY OF THAT! AHHH!!!

Obliviate me.