Not My Canon!

WTF: Canon Shmanon

As we noticed in the retrospective of the fandom during the months leading up to the premiere of CURSED CHILD, JKR and the Harry Potter bigwigs exhibited a lack of interest in research and in verifying the canonical authenticity and appropriateness of new material. Locked in their echo chamber, the creative members of the franchise kept bouncing their own ideas back and forth, never considering if there were mistakes in what they were about to produce.

In an effort to get through this as quickly as possible, I'm gonna rapid fire some of the minor canon blunders at you.

Let's start simply

The barrier leading to platform nine and three-quarters was made of solid metal and not a brick wall, like in the movies. This reveals, again, where the creative team was taking their cues.

Draco had a receding hairline in the epilogue of Deathly Hallows, and now he has the thick and luxurious hairstyle of a show pony.

And remember the hut on the rock scene from Sorcerer's / Philosopher's Stone, where Uncle Vernon tried to escape the flurry of owls that were carrying yellow envelopes addressed to Harry in emerald green writing? No...no no no. We were wrong. The books were wrong. According to the play, Harry and the Dursleys escaped to a lighthouse.

AUNT PETUNIA: I knew we made a mistake coming here. Vernon. Vernon. There's nowhere we can hide. Not even a lighthouse is far enough away!

This is fun, right? What else?!

In terms of magic, we've covered Harry speaking to Dumbledore's portrait as if it's really him, which is ridiculous, and a few spells that weren't canon, but we have more. During the fight between Snape and Umbridge in the darker alternate universe, Depulso was used. Although a Banishing Charm was mentioned once in the series (Goblet of Fire), Depulso is from the video games. Once again, confirming that their basis for choosing magic derived from a fandom wiki and not from the books. Also, while Hermione had cast a Cushioning Charm in Deathly Hallows, Molliare (the spell that was used to protect Albus and Scorpius as they leaped from a moving train) is not found in canon.

The plan to stop Cedric during the second task was to cast Engorgio on the Bubble-Head Charm he was using to swim through the lake. They practiced on a bar of soap that expanded to four times its size. Here's a line from Albus that proved to work just as they planned:

ALBUS: Get to him and Engorgio his head and watch him float out of the lake - away from the task - away from the competition...

So... Engorgio enlarged a bar of soap... and yet it turns Cedric into a... a helium balloon? Why would this happen? Please, can anyone explain this magic to me? Because it sounds like someone spent the weekend watching Prisoner of Azkaban to brush up on their Harry Potter history. Oh... Aunt Marge... You're floating away!!

Thorne, your cards are showing, mate.

Here's More!

According to the books, the hedge maze did not move during the Triwizard Tournament. In fact, it only moved in the film adaptation, as a replacement for the other obstacles that were likely too expensive to include. Thus proving, for the millionth time, that Thorne only watched the movies for research.

If a writer had only seen the movies and never read the books, he might also make this mistake: