That Summer When She Cried

That Rainy Day When The Sun Refused to Shine

What would you feel knowing that you hurt someone you love because you've been too selfish?

What would you feel if that someone considers loving you as a mistake?

He left me alone after that. Simula ng umalis sya, wala pa akong nagagawa kundi ang sumandal sa isang sulok ng nakaupo at umiyak ng walang tigil. I took my pump on my bag to save myself.

It's either I die because of losing Jeron or I die because I can no longer breathe.

It is my fault that I lost someone I love. I can't blame him for having doubts about my real feelings for him. Kahit naman siguro ako yung nasa sitwasyon nya, hindi ako agad maniniwala na mahal nya ako.

Charm handed me the second pack of tissue the following morning. I was supposed to be in school for my first class but I didn't make it.

No sleep, no eyes, no heart. I can't survive it.

"Tama na yang iyak," she told me. The moment she said it, the heavier that I cried.

"Ang tanga tanga ko kasi," I admitted.

"Buti alam mo," Charm slapped it to my face.

"Pwede preno?"

Charm laughed. "Ikaw naman kasi. Sabi ko sayo tigilan mo na. Ayan tuloy..."

"Tinigilan ko na. K-Kaya nga bumabawi na ako sa kanya. Hindi ko n-naman alam na alam nya. Anong klaseng tao b-ba na nalaman n-nyang niloko ko na sya, s-sinamahan nya pa din ako para l-lang magawa ko yung plano ko na tinapon ko na? Pinagbigyan p-pa nya ako na umamin. H-Hindi ko naman alam na..." I said and as soon as I said the last word, I started crying heavily again. I couldn't complete my sentence. I'd like to say it was more of a wail than a cry. "M-Mahal ko talaga si Jeron, Charm."

Charm smiled and hugged me. "Shh... Sabi nya naman space di ba?"

I shook my head. "Hiwalay."

"Patay ka," she threatened me. "Ano ng gagawin mo?"

"H-Hindi ko alam."

"Ikaw naman kasi e. Hindi ka naman kasi ganyan. Ayan tuloy. Hindi ka makalabas sa sarili mong patibong," she said. "Sigurado ka bang mahal mo talaga? Hindi dahil sa nagagamit mo sya?"

"Charm, iiyak ba ako ng ganito kung hindi?"

She took a deep breath. "Ganito na lang. Sino ba si Karl dati?"

"Ako pa din naman to," I complained.

Charm shook her head. "Remember when we talked? That day you wrote those five stupid things? Sabi ko sayo nung araw na yun, simple ka lang na tao. Hindi ikaw yung tao na nagiipon ng galit. Pero alam mo may isang bagay ka pa na hindi natatandaan."

I didn't answer.

"Alam mo yung Karl na kilala ko, alam ipaglaban ang bagay na gusto nya. Ginupitan kita dati ng buhok pero alam mo na ayaw mo naman nung tinanggal ko. Hindi tayo nag-away. Pero nung nabasag ko yung favorite mo na laruan, di ba hiningian mo si Mommy ng pambayad?" I heard her laugh. "If you love Jeron, do something. Prove it to him. Ligawan mo. Let him see that you are sorry for not telling him the truth but you are not sorry for loving him in the end."

"Pano kapag ayaw nya na sa akin? Paano pag tumanggi sya?"

"Pag wala... Maybe it's time to let go. At least, you fought for it. It would be worth the fight kung mahal mo naman yung tao."

"How will I start?"

"Start with the reason why you did this."

"Si Jeric," I answered.